I do lots of it!! i wish i could go back and do it again. I would do a lot of it differently. All you can do i look forward to the future and try to improve yourself going forward and that is what i’m trying to do!
There is SO much I regret. I’m in therapy for guilt and regret. I owe my kid sister SO much for what I did to her childhood. I have huge crippling guilt sometimes for all the strangeness I put into her life. I can’t imagine how she survived and didn’t grow up to hate me. But lucky me… She didn’t.
siblings are nearly always mean to each other if she forgives you forgive yourself. my older ister battered me and i battered my little sister. not idealm but thats the way it was.
Dandy said it best. If she forgives you forgive yourself.
i regret a lot of what i have done. A LOT of it is from just low self esteem, some from mental illness.
I never hit her, I scared her into thinking every human in her life was a kidnapper. I handcuffed her to my pants when she was little so she wouldn’t wander off. I once tried to make her watch me commit suicide. I’ve burned her toys because they were evil and I made her sleep with earmuffs on so she wouldn’t hear my voices. When she was 10 and 11 I made her be my designated driver.
There were a few times, she was handcuffed to me and I went into a psychotic episode. Not good.
not really. I handled my psychosis very well and stayed high functioning. I did slack off and smoke pot during my senior year of high school but so did all of my friends so no, I really don’t regret my past. I still earned a full scholarship and I quit weed when I started having schizo symptoms. I was an alcoholic a year later, but I also quit that and got on meds over the summer and made all A’s when I came back on meds. I just had some normal experimental phases that passed rather quickly. Now I am back straight and lifting weights again, actually trying in school, this time on meds for schizophrenia.
It’s been a rough ride but I learned so much about life, I experienced a whole lot in two years, 18 and 19 years of age.
the point is suprizedJ is that you were sick yourself if you could have helped it you wouldnt have done those things i put my mothr through hell during the course of my 20s it was horrible for her but your well now and she knows its was because of your illness which you have no control over.
It is so good to know that your sister is a forgiving kind of person. I think there is a big part of serious resentment towards me coming from my brother. I didn’t treat him well at times growing up, he also thinks my parents care about me more - he does not realize that I needed that extra attention at the time because of sza. I am kind of feeling that he is slowly starting to understand more. We shall see how things go.
I know you have a lot of guilt but just think of it this way. Be the best brother she can ever have in the future. Be always there for her. You’ve needed her up till now but someday she may need to rely on you as well. You weren’t thinking clearly at the time and to be honest it seems like your parents should have been more involved and watching what was going on, you were psychotic and your sister was a child but i don’t know the circumstances…
I know it’s easier said than done letting the past go. I struggle with it too with the mistakes I’ve made. I hope we both can move forward though and let it go.
If only I had a time machine… I would go back and change many things
I feel like I did the only things I could do.
I agree with pob. I’ve done things only I could do and nothing more. So far things have turned out for the best and I’m still alive. It may be so different in the future but so far so good.
There is a lot of regret. In 2007 I became manic due to trying a sexual stimulant in conjunction with an ssri antidepressant. That mania led to delusions and I burnt out later in the year with stress. I believe this led to me hearing voices. I should have never have tried the sexual stimulant.
I have also done some stupid things with people in recent years in terms of getting involved with them. Was a mistake.
If I had a time machine I’d just break all the knobs off…nothing in my past I care to go back to watch-let alone change anything. It’s who I am today.
…I think I turned out pretty good despite it all.
I found out this is very very common among siblings. There are huge amounts of books on the “forgotten child syndrome” My sis says she went through a period of that when I was SO out there, and so bad off my sis and my youngest brother got sent away to live with other relatives. My parents were trying to keep them safe from me. But my Sis saw it my parents didn’t love her any more.
There are a few elements of my past that I regret. Most of it was from when I was unmedicated. I got into heavy drugs and spent over $12,000 in savings. I lost everything. My home, my car, most of my friends.
I damaged a lot of relationships during this time. And got into some that were really unhealthy and downright dangerous.
Thankfully, I started taking medication and stopped self-medicating. And I got some of my friends back. But I still cringe when I think of the past.
I try not to think of it though. It’s not productive. Except for the lessons I learned.
Now, I just try to move forward with as much positivity as possible.
@SurprisedJ I would say those are not done by u but by your disorder. They are not up to your choice. Please forgive yourself.
J, you and your kid sis are both lovingly person. I wish you two could always stay close and take care of each other. I think it is one of the few best things in life that could happen to a person, to have siblings who often cherish and love each other.
Being regretful is really too harsh on yourself. I try not to think in that way. I struggled many years before I showed psychotic symptoms. It seems to be triggered by a traumatic head injury and another accident I encountered at work. I was receiving different therapies when it took the disguise and blowed off to be sz. It appears to be the positive effects of the therapy at the beginning.
Some how, finding out that I have this disorder explains many of my difficulties and past regrets. I dont make good judgment. It also appears to me things actually would not differ much if i choose otherwise, because it ruins everything with the later onset. A doc has shared his views to me. He considered me a person with real bad luck. I think this is true. What i learn from psychology, attributing bad things to external source is protective to you and me. Don’t feel so bad.
Thank you for all the encouragement on this one. I’m getting there. I am in therapy to get over this as well. We’re at a point where things are working out. Things will get better by inches everyday.
Sometimes she tells me that some of it was fun. (which scares me) She said she loved learning to drive when she was 10. Hanging out with an older brother who still had his imaginary friends was really fun for her too. It sort of blows me away to think that when I was 16 and 17 and really crumbling, I was probably functioning on the same intellectual level as a 5 and 6 year old.