Socialisation has always been difficult even years prior to the development of overt mental illness symptoms and a diagnosis. Can’t say any more for fear of a lack of understanding and support.
I used to socialize without thinking about it. I could get lost in conversation. I always had the ability to connect on a deep level with people. And to follow social ques well and pick up on the vibes of conversation. After I lost it, I rarely think of anything to say, and if I do its usually about strange things. For a while I couldn’t pick up on the vibes anymore and when I became more aware I started to notice how bad my social interactions were. So I just stopped having them.
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I was always the weird outsider, my entire life. I got put into a remedial social skills class when I was 8. It didn’t help. I was always more interested in books than people.
Weirdly, when I got sick, I suddenly developed amazing social skills. I think because I ended up homeless, and I learned very quickly that if people like you, you’ll have somewhere warm to sleep for a night.
When I was 16, at least people stopped bullying me. Nobody wanted to pick on the dying kid.
I was always a little weird, and had a hard time making friends. I had like two friends in elementary school and a few different friends after the other two moved. But I don’t have any close friends now. It got worse after my onset. My best friend stopped talking to me after I got out of the hospital and she didn’t visit me while I was there which made my partner mad.
I’ve always been social. When I was going psychotic it was a bit of a mess. My subconscious basically leaked out of my head so I’d be unknowingly talking about things I’d picked up in movies and other strange behavior. I did tend to gravitate towards the different kids in high school so most of my friends were a little different. I’m still very social and enjoy talking and human interaction.
I often feel the same but then I realize a lot of my threads are me venting or me late at night not in my right mind due to symptoms and I mean there’s not much you can say about that except “sorry you’re dealing with that that sucks” ya know? So I’m not too bothered by it. It still comforts me to post because it makes me feel less alone in it, like I’m not just in a void of suffering.
[quote=“firemonkey, post:21, topic:110778”]
Can’t say any more for fear of a lack of understanding and support.
[/quote] sorry you feel that way, if you ever want you can message me I’m a pretty non-judgemental person
@Ninjastar I didn’t even know remedial social skills classes existed! Crazy. My little sister has trouble with social skills, she is very friendly but just has very many odd behaviors that she doesn’t acknowledge are odd or refuses to change even if she does, and she was recently invited to this special lunch group for other kids who have trouble fitting in. She loves it though it makes her feel so included, so I am very happy for her.
You sound like you have been through a lot and it makes me respect you even more for the mature and level-headed individual you are 
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I was always the misfit and still am. Its hard for me to fit in anywhere.
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