So, I’m the youngest of seven kids. I’ve been dealing with hallucinations and delusions since I was about 13, and was severely depressed and suicidal since about 14-15. I’ve survived and done some difficult work over the years and have done it without the support of my siblings.
Now, my 65 year old eldest brother, who has been very critical of me over the years, has had a sort of personal crisis and is in therapy for depression. He’s dealing with hardship and abuse he suffered growing up (my family’s pretty screwed up), and my other siblings are rallying around him. One sister was telling me all about how he’s struggling and how sad…
Where the hell were they all when I needed them?!
And all I can say in regard to my eldest brother is “welcome to my world.” Oh, but wait, you don’t even have the demons tormenting you, etc.
Am I a bad person for feeling like…really?!
I think if you don’t support your bother that it is justified. But are you willing to let the relationship turn even worse than it is now? You are definitely not a bad person for the way you feel.
At this moment I’m ready to let go of all of them. I don’t talk often to this brother, he’s 15 years older than I am, and he didn’t share his struggle with me. One of my sisters told me and told me not to say anything to him about it. My family’s really into secrets…
She said he’s doing CBT. He knows I did CBT, but he doesn’t respect me enough to talk with me about it.
Thank you for your comment, @77nick77. That is what I’m struggling with…do I stay offended and keep my distance, or let it go ‘cause we’re all just human? I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself. I think I mean nothing to my siblings.
It might be good to find some kind of common ground with your family. It might be good to stay connected. When I first got ill I had many problems with my oldest sister. My first year with my disease she did not visit my group home even once. I understood, but it hurt. But then after the group home, I spent 8 months in the psychiatric hospital. The problems had ironed themselves out and when she visited me in the hospital she was a ray of sunshine in my otherwise miserable, dark suffering in that place. Family can save your life. I don’t know enough about you and your family to know if there are any bright spots or good connections or any good feelings to make the relationship worth saving. Burning your bridges may not be the best thing to do.
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