I had a conversation with my brother yesterday.
We had a conversation which frazzled my schizophrenic brain because basically I’ve come to the conclusion that he has no empathy.
I think the problem is anger fries my brain, I implode.
I’ve calmed down now but it took all of last night and today.
Just venting I guess. 
I’m gearing up for a family bbq at Mum’s when I travel up in December to visit. Both of my sisters will be there.
One rapid fires questions like a machine gun, the other is the most ignorant self-absorbed person I’ve known.
Mum’s worried about how I will handle the day. I told her I have valium to help me through.
If I was still on benzos I would have taken one, that’s for sure. I hope you get on ok at the bbq. 
How often do you usually meet your brother?
I think there is no point in arguing with some people because one gets no where.
I dread conversations and had to tell my new boy friend before meeting him about schizo diagnosis and that my brain is F#%^&* and that i cant hold intellectual conversations , cant remember things, can go mute, cant remember even basic things one learnt at school or names, etc
He took me as am and im now his girl friend but what about his family and friends.
I kind of dread it.
I have had people ridecule me and ask me questions i cant answer cause no words come to my mouth and its so humiliating and embaressing.
I love myself and am grateful for the ability i do have but it is still difficult to be so messed up in the brain and education i once had i couldnt have a clue about now not even things that everyone knows.
If people dont like me because of my disability and messed up brain then thats with them but it does affect me and can make me feel awful.
Sitting there mute, unable to keep up in conversations or contribute or answer questions can feel humiliating and horrid.
My boyfriend is going to tell his family not of my diagnosis but just that i have bad memory.
Sometimes ones own family members can be worst toward one and really cruel.
I do not ever want to meet family of fathers side ever again in any way shape or form because of things i beleive they have done to me that are unacceptable.
I want to send them x mas card every year and nothing else really.
Doesnt mean i dont forgive them means i dont want that behaviour in my life etc.
And it can make one so exhausted spending time with people and when people around dont understand that and one cant with draw but is stuck in situation it can be painful.
Good wishes to us and our conversations and meeting people.
I say I like to keep it simple and i can only talk about really simple things in person.
Im just to messed up for anything else.
Many times I become Mute in front of others in a social setting.
I don’t know, it seems that I’m getting worse when it comes to interacting with others.
It got awkward in the Hospital
Man, I definitely relate to the rage problem. I can keep it from coming out pretty well, but it deteriorates me. Once my aunt’s boyfriend says “How come you’re never confrontational? It’s important to tell people how you feel sometimes.” I can’t tell people how I feel when I’m upset because my head will explode off my body.