The childhood memories. Ill say no more but its shaped my whole life the secrets and flashbacks and walking on eggshells
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I’m sorry that you had that happen @Ducky .
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I feel this. Have you tried EMDR? It’s helpful. Doesn’t completely remove the trauma like I was told, but it sure takes the edge off. Worth doing.
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I am so sorry, Ducky. 
Maybe you could try a type of therapy different than what you tried in the past. Therapy can help us process and move beyond our abusive past.
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Trauma is the worst. Hugs @Ducky
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Im sorry you went through that ducky. I hope you recover from horrible treatment. Im sorry
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I feel beyond any sort of recovery
I live the best i can manage but its a very minimal existence (im a sz recluse)
No therapy was helpful, because for me it was just talking and thinking about it more, so i always struggled to talk about anything anyway
Thanks for replies
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Im just listening to music unwinding. Been stressed tonight and dwelling on bad thoughts a lot lately wish i wasnt haunted by past memories as well but it just is. I remember a scared child i was a long time ago and these past years i feel like that scared child again too fragile to face the big world which is exactly what it is. Im scared and worried of everything like its in my DNA
I feel this deep in my soul
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I cringe when people want to reach out to touch me because I was beaten up the first 14 years of my life or so. Of course, it’s never someone I know well. Not that I tell anyone.
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People and kids are very good at hiding unpleasant traumas until it catches up eventually and there you are reminded of it everywhere and it spills into your life all over again. The scars are deep ive never reached a normal ive always struggled and looking back it showed, i was obvious all the time thinking i was good at hiding it but i wasnt
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Im really sad and sorry you went through that hugs @HollyHobbie
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Thank you @Ducky.
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Your gonna be ok ducky…time will change things even if you’re Resigned to suffering. You will live again ducky 
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I’m sorry @Ducky
Yes, maybe therapy can help you heal
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I’m sorry you went through this. I was also abused growing up and neglected, and it was quite severe. I’m learning, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, skills, and mindfulness, which are all helping me right now. It’s part of DBT Therapy. I don’t have borderline personality disorder which it was originally created for, but it still helps me a lot anyway. I highly recommend it
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