Trouble Sleeping

Do any of you have trouble sleeping? For some time now. It’s been eight months for me now, and I can sleep less and less. At night only in the early morning. And not at all during the day. My new psychologist increased my dose of sleep medication. I’ve been taking this dose for a while now. But it has no effect.

I don’t think the insomnia will go away again. Today I was outside three times, shopping and walking. But I am wide awake. I only drink caffeine until noon. Got fruit tea. I don’t think there’s any caffeine in there. I got away from these black tea lemon beverage granules for the first time.

At the same time, I very often go to bed and close my eyes. I usually only last a few minutes until I get up and smoke a cigarette. I also know that cigarettes have a stimulating effect. I just can’t stop right now because I’m always relapsing.

I’ve been having sleep paralysis. Basically I’m paralyzed and cannot move while I’m sleeping. I also get nightmarish dreams that are so freaking traumatic but at the same time not real and just random and ■■■■. I think it’s the caffeine. I drink so much caffeine. I can sleep, but when I wake up I think something happened to me and it messes with my reality testing. Typical of SZA, I guess. Makes me question things like if it was a past life or another dimension. It furthers my disability and delusions.

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