I’ve been spending a lot of time alone, it was the only way to get some breath and fresh perspective.
My mind started to gravitate to different things. Away from the psychosis and more about life itself. Still a lot of thoughts about the psychosis, but it was becoming easier to switch gears.
I kind of ran into a sense of humanity that I hadn’t know since I got sick. It’s almost as scary as the psychosis because it changed my sense of understanding. Instead of writing everything off and just trying to function I started to give things a little more depth.
The internal human experience is so vast, it’s just crazy. I don’t even know what to do with it. It’s almost intimidating enough to push me back into psychotic thinking that had been my home for the last couple years. I know that’s not a viable option, so I’m sort of sputtering today.
Just needed to vent. I went out last night. Spent some time with some people. Everything was going great. The next day though, looking back, I just feel like a drunk fool who was talking to much.
I’m thinking in a day or so I’ll have my momentum going again.
After the mind collapses into an obsessive hallucinatory clusterfuck. It’s hard to come back. Patience is wearing thin. I’d like to get some more sleep. I think it’d buffer out all my worries.