It’s one of those nights where I think too much about my life and get overwhelmed. I feel like I’m living a lie. Just going on and ignoring everything I’ve been through but sometimes it catches up to me and I feel profoundly lonely and hopelessly confused.
I’m spacing out again, half here half not. In between again. No one knows. Ah well. I’ll just keep going until I forget again and try to live normally for a while. Thinking is too dangerous for me.
Yeah thinking is just a waste of time for me at this point. I don’t know ■■■■, and the ■■■■ I do know only surfaces when I need it. I feel like talking is the most healthy thing psychologically. Get to having confidence in you ability to communicate and bam your functional again.
I really don’t have much to think about anyways they stole my wonderment o_O.
I don’t have words to describe my experiences.
Right now they’re all around me but not here but I feel them so close, and they’re singing to me and it’s lovely, they’re trying to comfort me but I’m stuck here and I don’t know why.
No one ever knows what I’m talking about so it’s really useless. Sometimes it’s like my brain is crumbling away. And I always bury it and carry on and those around me think I’m so silly and fun and carefree and really I’m just this thing that’s wandering and lost.
That sounds dumb and edgy but my head is kind of fuzzy right now, sorry.
Sz is pretty isolating. No one cares what goes on in the mind. Well other sz people might find it interesting it’s more like a personal show of sorts. I have a year of heavily psychotic experiences I could never really put into words or capture fully.
No one can see what’s happening on the outside. That’s a perspective I’ve lost, what it was to just see people as physical objects. Now every time I look at them I get a “telepathic message.”
Living in my own little world.
I get what your saying though, for a long time I felt lost and insecure and psychotic thought death was at my doorstep. Meanwhile I was just functioning like normal. Apparently in the real world no one has any idea.
Exactly. Sometimes living in two worlds is just too much.
Yeah I let mine merge and I just assume it’s real. I always fall back into belief of it even when I try not to.
Everything is ■■■■■■ though. I’ve still got a long way to go. I’m getting better at controlling the messages where ever they come from.
Still alive just wasting time. Enjoying this breathing thing.
Kind of waiting until my mind takes an interest in something. No hobbies no nothing. Just consumption, these forums, some friends, and sleep.
Everything seems simple and boring.
I have two goals; to make a scientific contribution of any kind to the world that helps mankind and to write a book about anything. That’s it. But it keeps me going.
Hold onto those ambitions. They sound challenging yet pretty modest and achievable.
I thought I was going to make a contribution to the progress of humanity at some point. Was really sure what it was gonna be kind of lost sight of it all when this all onset.
I used to want to so sit at the edge of modern knowledge, learn as much as I can.
I was a pretty delusional fellow even before the psychosis.
Really though, stick with it. Achieve something.