i had a friend a while back that i’d known for years and she was constantly putting me down, bringing my psychoses and really draining me. she used to phone me 5 times a day. it got to the point where i stopped answering the phone as she used to phone me at 3am to come and her cigarettes. (she’s in a wheel chair so can’t reach them herself) the year my husband died, whom she was in love with by the way, she called me non stop in floods of tears saying she wanted to hold the kids and that we should grieve together as a family. at the funeral she sat in the front row alongside me and the kids in front of my husbands family and everybody said she was playing it like she was his wife. on my husbands birthday after he died i got a birthday cake so me and the kids could celebrate. they didn’t want her there and she got the raging hump and had a go at me down the phone, she even called my mother to complain that she wasn’t included. when the kids were little and we were round there one day, my daughter asked, where’s mummy? i was in the kitchen and she actually, no word of a lie replied to a five year old, “which mummy?” like she was her mother. she had this fantasy of her, my husband and the kids all being together and was a complete nightmare when he died. she wouldn’t leave us alone. my kids hate her because they saw she was trying to take my place as vinnie’s wife. so a few months ago, when she called me up and had a go at me for not inviting her to cut vinnie’s birthday, i lost the plot completely and told her i wanted her out of my life for good. since then she’s bought me flowers by delivery, a cake and cards but i’ve ignored them all. she still doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong! i don’t want her in my life and neither do the kids. she is a toxic friend trying to worm her way into my kids affections so she can still live in the fantasy of them being hers and vinnie’s, i’m not having any of it. my life has been so much more peaceful since i cut ties with her. i checked my ansaphone once and there were 37 messages from her not long after vinnie died. a few days ago she sent me a plant by interflora and a christmas card saying that she’d like to c the kids but they’re not interested at all. i won’t b getting back in contact with her.
You’re mad at her for saying she’s a mummy? Whats wrong with that? Maybe she’s trying to help.
She sounds emotional, but has she done anything really wrong? Maybe she’s just lonely. Maybe she just thinks she needs you. Why don’t you try and help her get along by herself?
“Toxic” is a pretty floozy term, ya know. Britney Spears used it. The fact that you have to use a label like that tells me you don’t know whats wrong about her.
Yep, I think you nailed it… To lie to the kids and to act all put out because the KIDS wanted some alone time too… I think your kids are pretty wise to see where this is going and the fact that they aren’t interested in resuming contact is a good indication they know which way is up on this issue. Good for them I always say kids are so much smarter then we ever give them credit.
If you feel happier and cleared and more at ease for cutting ties… I think that’s your answer. Stay strong and don’t look back.
I have three younger brothers and one I’m coming to see as a negative force and a destructive person as well. Two brothers are having problems but they aren’t trying to mess me up. The act that finally opened my eyes, after years of digs and put downs and lead on’s and making me doubt my already lose hold on reality was this last christmas…
I’ve been a raging alcoholic in my life, but I’ve been sober for 5 years. My kid sis who lives with me is 17, and here in the U.S. legal drinking age is 21. So he sent us a half a case of Irish Whisky. Quiet a gift to a recovering alcoholic and an under age teen. He had to pick my favorite as well. It’s time to stop blaming myself and just start cutting contact. I’m happier for it, I don’t feel that guilty after all… So, maybe it’s the right thing to do.
Good luck and stay strong during any guilt trips and calls to the parents. If your parents say… “Oh, this old friend called and is so hurt…” You can always come back with… “I respect my kids, aka your grandchildren and they don’t want to see her.” I think that would be final word.
no william i was mad at her for trying to get my five year daughter to call HER mummy instead of me. maybe i didn’t explain myself very well. she may well b lonely but she’s only got herself to blame. she’s a poisonus person and i’m far happier without her in my life and so r the kids. i would help anyone william but when they constantly belittle u and undermine ur relationships with ur family it’s time to let go.
It sounds very sad, it sounds like she is maybe not mentally healthy herself. I think that she doesn’t see that her wish is maybe even delusional and that other people do not partake in her belief. It sounds rather pathological, and I hate to say it, but she might need to get the message that you and your children do not want her around.
It sounds very sad, but I also have a friend who is completely messing his life up with drugs and alcohol, and I am going to have to send him out the door if he comes over high or drunk or opens a bottle of liquor in my house again. It may seem painful for her to learn, but some people need reinforcement to correct their pathological behavior.
I don’t have toxic friends or friends for that matter. I do however have toxic family members. My brother is very much consumed with his life. He is to the point of being selfish and arrogant. He lives a life full of materialism.
He disrespects my feelings and many times treats me as if I don’t know any better. He always has to have the first and last word. I have been giving us some space, but I also do realize we share a common history together. He is always going to be my younger brother.
You know toxic friends do a lot of damage before you find out they are toxic. I live with a barrier I don’t let myself become affected by. Choose your relationships wisely.