For your psychosis, he suggests tea, toast and a bath.
On the door to his office, it reads “Electrical Room”.
Instead of his diploma hanging on the wall, it’s a picture of dogs playing poker.
His secretary is a woman named Gus.
He drives a unicycle to work.
(I did a similar thread a few years back. Feel free to add your own line!) 
During the entire session he hums Old McDonald Had a Farm.
After everything he says, he leans over and says, “How am I doing?”
You tell him you’ve been cutting, and he instructs you to lay off the baked beans.
The wall in his waiting room is filled with autographed
pictures of nude nineties porn stars.
He asks you every 5 minutes, “You like me don’t you?”
You tell him you can’t stand your mother-in-law, to which he replies…
“Now that’s the first normal thing you’ve said in weeks!”
During the very first session he breaks down sobbing and tells you he really wanted to be an astronaut but his domineering mother forced him to go to medical school.
You tell him you hear voices, to which he replies…
“Really? You’ve met Charlie as well??”
He has white powder on his upper lip and he keeps sniffing and telling you, “That’s just *uckin awesome,” after everything you say.
You go to a Chippendales performance, and he’s the lead dancer.
lol! @77nick77’s powdered nose joke! 
For relaxation he suggests light reading…going for walks in the park…and hookers and coke.
He keeps calling you the wrong name the entire session even though you keep correcting him.
lol @anon39054230 and @77nick77
You tell him you’re hallucinating a man standing in your backyard at night, to which he replies…
“That’s not an hallucination…it’s me.”
You tell him you are reading mixed meanings into movie titles, to which he replies…
“Don’t worry. I thought Free Willy was about a male prostitute who never charged for his services.”
True story which I’ve related before…
One day, I bumped into my psychiatrist at a local pharmacy during off hours. He had a book in his hand. So it when like this…
Doc: “Hello, Patrick!”
Me: “Hi Doctor! Hey, what are you reading there?”
Doc: “Well…(ahem)…it’s about a patient who wants to kill his psychiatrist.”
Me: “Hey, relax! I’m just here buying milk!”
Then we both burst out laughing!
After your session he stands up from behind his desk to shake your hand, and he’s not wearing any pants.