He prescribes tea, toast and a bath for your PTSD.
Instead of a diploma on the wall, he has a poster of dogs playing poker.
His moonlights as a Walmart Greeter.
For exercise, he suggests a game of naked Twister.
The sign on his office door reads “Electrical Room”.
Okay…feel free to add your own! 
He wears a pink hat, wears crocks, and thinks WWE is real. He gets mad when you say it is fake. Plays video games all day.
He thinks he’s the actual reincarnation of Carl Jung (actual psychiatrist I once had)
Their second opinion is a monkey on a typewriter.
Has a roller backpack. Sort of pervy too.
Wanting to go skateboarding and start a business with you. Also saying a drug has NO side effects.
When you seek weight loss advice due to meds, but they are four times bigger than you are.
He swears the new medication won’t affect your eyesight, but suggests taking a course in braille wouldn’t hurt.
When your nutritionist is 100 lbs overweight, tells you to eat healthy and exercise, but you catch her drinking a big gulp in the morning.
her hair is crazy ass sh=it, and you think she’s a secret rock star
only trying to program you.
She thinks you’re Jesus
Tells you schizophrenics don’t recover, diagnoses you with bipolar to get you off benefits, tells you there is a thing as the working poor, and says to you if you want him to be dr. House or a doctor that coddles you from a TV show.
Tell him you are making progress by taking an online class from Harvard and then says you can work.
Won’t give you a feel good drug despite it helping you like ritalin unless you are 80 years old and on your death bed lol.
Is always 30 minutes late, doesn’t make eye contact, and always looks like he hates you lol.
After every sentence he says, “Ya know what I mean?”. And when you’re talking he keeps saying, “I feel ya”.
He chews gum and blows bubbles during the entire session.
He’s got an oven in his office and just got done baking an apple pie
He tells you he once used to jam out to grateful dead and sends fluoxetine instead of fluphenazine over to the pharmacy on the first visit 
He has two-for-the-price-of-one deals where he takes two patients at the same time.
When you confide in him you have a problem with marihuana, and his response is to throw his legs up on the table and go “Ya know, back in the 70’s, we used it as an eye opener”
Instead of diplomas on the walls he has framed autographed pictures of Ron Jeremy and Linda Lovelace.