Too old for marriage

I’m not going to lie I’m impatient. I want to get married now. I’m 33. And as an asian (indian ) that means im antient. I’ve only known my partner 11 months. He says we need to.spend more time together we need to go away together we need to live together first. Goddamit I’ll be 40 soon :thinking: he says we need to take these things slow.

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ive heard in most of asia if a woman isnt wed by a certain age shes viewed as useless or so. probably not the best way to put it but you get my drift. i would say its like that in the west too just not as bad. ive heard its rlly bad in places like east asia, but i didnt know it was also prevalent in south asian cultures

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I’m indian born in Britain

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You’re closer to 30 than 40. You’ve not even been together a full year. Breathe. It’ll be okay. I get the cultural pressure, but he’s not from that culture. There’s going to have to be some compromise.

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@LED I explained to him and I appreciate his honesty and him taking his time but I can’t think.stright or rationally over this. I’m glad he’s sensible though. :flushed: Someone has to be

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Maybe you could encourage this guy to hurry up. In the meantime, don’t establish any joint checking accounts.

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Don’t think of yourself as too old. A lot of women in Britain and the U.S. get married a lot later now and even have kids in their 40s. Some even in their 50s. Your worth has nothing to do with your age. I hope you find some solace.

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And on the other hand if he did rush it with me I might not even feel it would be as genuine but I can’t help the feelings.

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I know @anon4362788 age shouldnt matter

You are totally funny. At least you got chance to get married. I got this girl as a symptom and I hate her to death and im supposed to marry her aginst all odds. Im gonna kill myself!

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Hey, please don’t say that! That is an extreme, permanent solution to a temporary problem.

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I understand the pressure @anon80629714. At 21, my family kept trying to set me up with guys, hoping I would just get married already. When I met Mr. Star, I wanted to leap down the aisle with him, just to stop the endless shaming and pressuring. But he wanted to go slow and live together and take vacation together and such also.

And I’m so glad we did it his way. We were able to learn how to live comfortably together and iron out the wrinkles in a low-pressure setting. If it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be shaming my whole family with a divorce. It would just be a break up. That made it easier to see problems as minor, solvable things instead of catastrophic and insurmountable. When we got married, we already knew we could work well together as a team, without yelling and being disrespectful to each other during times of stress.

And as soon as I got married they started pressuring me for children. It really never ends.

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Thanks tommrow im gonna go to the doctor.

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OMG @Ninjastar you really get this!!! I want to do it his way … And I appreciate he is a gent and has oodles of patience and just wants us to be comfortable before taking that step. And I get that… But when I find out my brother who has been dating this girl for 9 months wants to propose… All my rational thought left my brain :flushed: sorry guys

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Mr. Star isn’t from my culture, either. He’s all white and his parents got divorced in an awful way that tore his family apart. So he wanted to be very sure before getting married. I was always raised “ehh that’s why you get married. So you can learn how to work together.” But his way makes more sense.

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Mr Star sounds very sensible :slightly_smiling_face:

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He’s super logical. I really love the way he helps me calm down and think sensibly. I used to be more prone to collapsing under the weight of problems. Now, I can usually think of a workable solution.

Does your man also help you look at things in a more rational way?

Oh and did he meet your mom finally? How did that go? I missed it.

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I never wanted to marry. I knew I would never do it. I wasn’t until I found someone who I loved unconditionally and who loved me unconditionally that the whole marriage thing even made an ounce of sense. So at the ripe old age of 45 I announced to my man I was going to Reno to get married and did he want to come. I’m so glad I waited for the right man. When it’s right I think your doubts will fade away. And you’re not even close to being old.

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Well if all else fails, I would gladly marry you at 40 :smiley:

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He’s a super laid back person and doesn’t stress over little things and I think that’s important. He says he’s learning to read me better. And he knows I have moments where I get weird. He say the time for marriage will come but we need to get to know each other whole. Spend more time together. Someone has to be the sensible one in all of this lol

Yes he met my mum I think it went well .mum.does wish he spoke our language but I have to.spend my life with him not her so at the.rnf other the day if we like each other is sll that matters

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