Too much negativity in the past

DX'd - Other
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These are negative events that took place since I was 17 years old.

Bullied my younger sister
Entertained my mind with pornography
Never completed my college study (thus wasting my parents’ money)
Diagnosed as schizophrenia
Suffered from side effects of psychotropic drugs
Joined a religious group but then disassociated myself
Beloved Mom deceased
Frequent job hops
Became victim of office politics
Suffered from relapse and ran away from home
Hospitalized for 7 times
Worshipped idolatry
Got body massage service
Slapped my younger sister
Unemployed since 2010
Withdrew all my provident fund and spent all of them
Stayed in nursing home for 2 years

Please don’t read if you cannot tolerate the negativity.

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I’m glad your turning away from that and finding some peace now.

We all have things in our past… it’s important to not let the guilt keep coming back.

Trust me on this one… I can lock myself down into a deep depression if I start lamenting the past.

The drug use
The heavy drinking
The way I left my family
The way I used and took advantage of other people
The way I treated my younger siblings
The anger

Letting it go… become a better person now… helping who I can… I feel can start to heal my very ugly past.

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Glad that you eventually overcome your past.
Happy for you. I will take your advice.

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Plumber, I think this comes with the territory of being schizophrenic. I was a weird and paranoid guy in my teens and twenties. I did not accomplish much in my life.

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I bet if you thought hard that you could find an equally long list of positive events as well. Concentrating on the negative can be incredibly depressing. Think of the good things, and be at peace.

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I am excited to hear your reply-- but can you please rephrase it again? Do you mean it is what a schizophrenic will do? And I don’t have to feel guilty?

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Yes, I have another thread today “Count my blessing” accounted for that. Just thinking to portray a balanced view of myself.

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Yes, it’s probably what a schizophrenic would do.

You don’t have to feel guilty about it, but then you have to learn from the negative experiences and not do anything negative again.

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I think it’s good that you feel guilt, learn from it and don’t repeat it again.

My little list:

The drug use and abuse of alcohol
The parties and not going to school
Taking financial advantage of my family when I didn’t work
The abusive relationships
Talking down on everyone because I "was the smartest"
Bad temper

All that changed now… Losing my sanity helped changing my ways, there was a spiritual element envolved, but I let it go and am just focusing on being a better person now.

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Your list looks similar to mine except drug abuse and alcohol.

It is a relief not to feel guilty but on second thought, we can’t blame the illness for our wrongdoings, at least not all of them. I guess you’re right.

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Yeah I’ve learned that the illness doesn’t make a shitty person, we do that ourselves. There are no excuses when it comes to that, we all, even sick, can learn to be better people.

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Thank you. …

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Got body massage service

how did you plumb her? plumber?

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I’m sure we all have our lists of the bad things we’ve done and experienced because of our schizophrenia. I’m still not done with all of them. Those things will probably be the death of me. There is one more item on my list - preparing to die and assessing my life before I kick off. I’m 57, and that is starting to occupy my mind. I don’t fear death that much, but I do feel like I have things I want to get done before then.

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It is certainly embarrassing to talk about it.
There is still room for improvement for my emotional intelligence.

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“A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.” —Ecclesiastes 7:1

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Forgiving others is easy, forgiving yourself not so much… I’m still trying to figure out how.

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