I’ll have to take a break from the positive messages for a few days, I’m not in Lisbon and the data connection is not strong enough. If someone wants to take over be my guest.
Now the vent.
Every time I come to my family house in the country I get hit by the massive trigger that is my screwed up past. I know I’m not supposed to dwell on the past too much, and I have yet to learn how to do that. But it’s supposed to be a quiet place to clear my head and instead I get overwhelmed with this guilt embarrassment with the memories of my past mistakes.
I’m glad I’m sober now and this reminds me to stay clean.
instead I get overwhelmed with this guilt embarrassment with the memories of my past mistakes.
Environment can be a powerful trigger for all kinds of emotions, so don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not a robot. As for “guilt embarrassment”, if it’s any small consolation I have to deal with this too. I think a lot of people here do.
The more time you’re there, the more time you’ll have to build up happier memories for that place. It’s a big sign of recovery that you seem to see such a good difference between the present and the past though.
I think this is what recovery is like. I’m in the phase where if I visit certain places, I remember how I used to be doing better, looking better, thriving better, more social life, etc, and now I am the stereotypical socially awkward fat schizophrenic who can barely make eye contact while trying to order a coffee. But I imagine someday it gets to that point where I’ll be in that place and think, “I remember when I was here all awkward and stereotypical and could barely order a coffee.” Like I could cringe or I could sigh with relief. I hope you sigh with relief, @Minnii
Looking forward to when you’ll start posting the positive messages again. Hope you can relax a little too at your country home. Try to be forgiving towards yourself when it comes to your past. You can’t change it so you’ll have to learn to live with it.
I’m trying. I think part of me still doesn’t accept psychosis. The other part of me wants to isolate. Tough situation. I’m going to see some friends today so I can feel better.
This is a very small town and I don’t tell anyone I have sz.
I think I understand. Part of me thinks I’ve just been lying about everything and part of me just wants to be alone all the time because social situations are stressful. But being social is important for our mental health. I think it’s good that you’re going to see some friends today, maybe that will help clear your mind for a while.
Yeah I feel a bit better now. I’m not ruminating on my sorry self. In the end we all make mistakes and we all have qualities. The important thing is to be able to overcome the obstacles. I’m getting good at that.
Minnii had posted 49 positive messages of the day…
BTW, I came across one positive message today: “Fall 7 times, Stand up 8”.
It means getting back up every time you get knocked down, fall down, or otherwise end up feeling down. Even if you start feeling like one of those inflatable punching bags the little kids use, you have to get back up.
