People come on, lets try to be positive. We have an illness, and it is okay to have an illness, but don’t let that illness have you. This isn’t directed to any certain poster or post, but in general. Take an inventory of your symptoms and do something about them. Take your meds, get physically fit, whatever needs to be done. I know negative symptoms are a bitch, but ultimately you decide whether your defeated or not. And trust me I know defeat.
Now that that is said and out of the way I want to tell about how I am doing, since I mostly read and don’t post much. A few weeks ago, almost a month, I began believing the VA was going to microchip me in order to track me and make me “obey”. Then the voices started. The abilify I was on had quit working. I am sure everyone here knows the drill. I came the closer to a hospitalization than I have in years. (My last hospitalization was 20 years ago at 21, with my first psychotic break. Anyway I was at the emergency room and they took forever to get to me. I started getting ansy and started pacing. Then they finally came in. The doctor was very condescending and I was pissed, but wasn’t a danger. So he gave me the option of the hospital or going home. By then I was so pissed I just wanted to be at home.
The emergency room visit was on the weekend, so Monday my wife called my PDoc, and we upped my appointment. I hadn’t been sleeping good, so first he upped my dose of trazadone. Well I was still psychotic, but sleepy. So he made me another appt for the next week and put me on Geodon. He started me with 20 mg twice a day. That was not high enough and I was still having problems. Now I am on 40 mg twice a day, and I am seeing improvement finally. I go up to 60 mg twice a day next Wednesday.
I have akathasia on the geodon. I had akathasia on the abilify, and the risperdal. I guess I am just prone to akathasia. So now I am using the akathasia to my benefit. Instead of pacing here at home, I have finally got the guts to go to the local park with a walking track. I walk for two hours per day. The good side to this is I am losing weight. I just wish I could direct some of that akathasia restlessness to do something like clean the house, but I get so overwhelmed. Anyway while I am walking I listen to heavy metal on my phone with earbuds to keep any residual voices at bay. I don’t feel very paranoid although, I do catch myself checking my “6 oclock” often.
So things are getting better. I am lucky to have my wife, my mom, and my best friend @anon40540444 supporting me. They have been lifesavers. I am sure that without them I would be a raving lunatic by now. Well thanks for reading.
