something about my home… always explodes around 5-6 a.m. I guess everyone knows I’m up and getting my day started, so that is the time to bombard me.
But right now, this is an odd situation. I know I have a two day delay on emotions, but this new situation might not hit me. However it’s really hit my sister.
My brother Jacob, who is barely a year younger then me has been e-mailing some very button pushing stuff. I did get upset earlier in the week. He’s going through therapy and has decided to e-mail me more.
He e-mailed me a confession… Many years ago when I turned 22 many drugs were found in my room, I had no memory of buying them. But they were there, so I did take them. I still had no memory of buying them. My parents were heart broken and it was sort of the last straw for them. The fight was huge and I was going to get moved to a group home, more fights ensued and I walked out the door to live in a park.
My slightly younger brother just admitted to putting the drugs in my room oh so many years ago. I’m still a little numb to this. My sister is stomping around our flat now ranting. Actually I asked her to go out side to stomp. So she’s stomping outside and it looks like she’s kicking a metal fence post.
I don’t know if I’m not mad because it takes two days for me to feel anything or if I’m not mad because it was so long ago, or if I’m not mad because after all this time… it just doesn’t matter.
Sure, what a horrid thing to do, but the way I see it in a way… I smoked the pot and took the E anyway. If I didn’t do drugs then, I most likely would have done them a few months down the line. Did he make the inevitable happen sooner, or was I derailed? After all this time… does it matter?
Just a ponder. I hope my sis can calm down before she has to teach a water ex class in a few hours. She’s still outside stomping.