Schizophrenia.com

Time limit on anger... unsettled pondering

something about my home… always explodes around 5-6 a.m. I guess everyone knows I’m up and getting my day started, so that is the time to bombard me.

But right now, this is an odd situation. I know I have a two day delay on emotions, but this new situation might not hit me. However it’s really hit my sister.

My brother Jacob, who is barely a year younger then me has been e-mailing some very button pushing stuff. I did get upset earlier in the week. He’s going through therapy and has decided to e-mail me more.

He e-mailed me a confession… Many years ago when I turned 22 many drugs were found in my room, I had no memory of buying them. But they were there, so I did take them. I still had no memory of buying them. My parents were heart broken and it was sort of the last straw for them. The fight was huge and I was going to get moved to a group home, more fights ensued and I walked out the door to live in a park.

My slightly younger brother just admitted to putting the drugs in my room oh so many years ago. I’m still a little numb to this. My sister is stomping around our flat now ranting. Actually I asked her to go out side to stomp. So she’s stomping outside and it looks like she’s kicking a metal fence post.

I don’t know if I’m not mad because it takes two days for me to feel anything or if I’m not mad because it was so long ago, or if I’m not mad because after all this time… it just doesn’t matter.

Sure, what a horrid thing to do, but the way I see it in a way… I smoked the pot and took the E anyway. If I didn’t do drugs then, I most likely would have done them a few months down the line. Did he make the inevitable happen sooner, or was I derailed? After all this time… does it matter?

Just a ponder. I hope my sis can calm down before she has to teach a water ex class in a few hours. She’s still outside stomping.

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I don’t think it’s good to live in the past, at least for me thinking about the stress triggers voices making me relive the regrets…That is a natural reaction to move blame to you especially as a young adult I am sure it took a lot of courage to admit to that. Also if you were doing them yourself maybe it was best for them to find out so that it was easier for you to quit I know I personally didn’t have any hope in quitting drugs until a similar scenario happened in my home.

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I’d like to think this is a sign of healing… not letting this get to me. It’s past… I’m where I am today, I’m in a good place in my life, I like my life the way it is for now. So I really want to be a little proud of myself for not getting unhinged by this.

But then I have no idea how angry I might be as this info settles in. I don’t think I’ll be as angry as my sis. She seems angry enough for both of us. Today she’s the ocean, not the lighthouse.

Funny for me… She’s usually the one trying to get me to calm down… :blush:

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I don’t know how I would feel if I found out something like this regarding my own past/addictions. Perhaps numb for a bit. Maybe this is way of coping until we can get our mind around the details. Or as you said… Does it matter? In taking responsibility for our own addictions it kind of makes it not so important.

If I found out someone did this to my son. I would be royally pissed and yes it would matter.

I’m guessing sis is hurting for you as I would hurt for my son that he went through more unnecessary pain as a result of someone else’s purposeful sabotage. Give her some time.

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I think you got it right yourself,… when you said does it matter now after all this time.

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Wow. I’m pissed for you too.

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wow what a dick, but i am impressed by your maturity and how you are handling it.
maybe put some music on so your sister looks like she is dancing around outside not just vandalising the metal fence…!
take care

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You might look into Recovery International (lowselfhelpsystems.org). Self help organization.

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Stompa Song. :feet:

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well he didnt have to tell you at all. i think that it is something HE has probably felt bad about for some time so i think you should just forgive him.

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What’s going to hit you is going to hit you, what’s going to miss you is going to miss you. You got treatment earlier because of it, so it’s all good. He wants and needs forgiveness and is taking responsibility. It’s all good. Your sister needs to calm down, though.

I was thinking about reaching out my slightly younger brother about this one. But he still thinks he was in the right, getting me kicked out of the house. I just avoid him.

It’s our very youngest brother who just got out of hospital with his B.P. diagnosis, he and my sis are trying to mend the bridge.

As far as her anger at our brother who got me kicked out… she’s working on it. I’m working on it too. That first shock though was not pretty. Things have cooled down in the past few months.

Besides, we’re trying to keep it as mellow as we can because we all still want contact with our young nephew and niece. If my slightly younger brother gets his nose out of joint, he’ll keep the kids away from this side of the family. It’s quite the family chaos. I’m glad I’m keeping my nose out.

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Yes, I wasn’t sure which brother has the BP, but what does it matter? People only confess when they are feeling sorry. It seems he wants to be honest with you, which means he loves you. Presumably it’s been a really frightening ride for him the last few years too. And he’s probably scared that it can still happen to him too. Really, forgiveness and reconciliation is the ONLY answer to this situation. You will BOTH feel better. I am guessing that you and your sister need to acknowledge that he was probably afraid of you, disgusted by your behaviour, unable to understand, and he feels and felt he had a right to a safe, calm place. Yes, your needs were pressing, but he had his needs too.

But a lot of this is guesswork. Only he can say.

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I’ve had some people come back to my life after a long time away. They need to cut all ties with me to heal. Little by little, now that I’m healing, working towards getting better, staying on my meds, listening to my doc… people are healing, becoming less afraid, and coming back into my life. Your statement rings 100% true.

I come from a large family. 4 boys and a girl. My Mom and Dad also come from very large families. Aunts, Uncles and cousins everywhere. Little by little, we’re all healing, it sure does take a while.

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Yes, I mean, honestly, when my son was in what I now know was the prodromal period, his general behaviour was often apparently obnoxious ( paranoia led to aggression and accusations), but also completely confusing and inconsistent (if I tiptoed round him, he could still be the wonderful son I knew, my best companion). The diagnosis was a great relief after the initial shock and there has been great improvement, though he’s still got some of the negative symptoms ( though fairly mildly). As a family member it’s hard to work out how responsible the person was for their former behaviour when their judgment is at least impaired by the illness. But we are glad to “have you back.” What I see in my family is that everyone is willing to mend fences.

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