I have about a two-day delay on my emotional reaction time for a lot of things. It’s like a two-day window of calm due to the fact that the situation hasn’t really sunk in. Well, the window is shutting early…
Yesterday was a pretty emotional day. My youngest brother beat up my kid sis, and trashed her car. When he sobered up, he Finally admitted he was blacked out drunk when he did it. Admitted he needed help, and with our parents help, checked into rehab.
My kid sis, finally stood up to this brother yesterday, and due to a post here on the forum, finally admitted that she was in over her head this time and should have come clean about a lot of things with this brother sooner. She’s finally letting go of that stubborn streak of hers.
Yesterday, I was calm. I was cool. It was fine, I wasn’t panicked.
Now that the tow truck is picking up my sisters trashed car and the glass is just falling out of it, and the bumper just fell off, my sis is bumping into stuff because my brother broke her glasses when he hit her, and her eye is too swollen to wear contacts so she can’t hard see today, and I’m looking at the stitches in her hand and the other cuts and scratches, I’m starting to loose it.
I woke up WANTING/ NEEDING to go to Pike Place market. I woke up and my first thought was, “I feel SO good, I want to go to Pike Place.” (a place where I used to buy drugs) I have been trying NOT to think about how good a drink would taste. It’s like my brain is craving and hiding it in a bit of a manic upbeat candy bar. I’ve never had a manic craving wrapped in chocolate.
The window of calm is shutting. Now it’s going to be a day for the head circus.
If I type any nonsense today, or don’t seem that with it when I reply, please be patient. It’s not permanent.
We are here for you. Just try to keep that window open a little bit. Don’t let it close all the way. It’s ok to feel frustrated and mad. Don’t forget to breathe. Go scream at a tree. Have a bath. You and your sister are both safe. big hugs
It happens sometimes where the reality shock happens after everything is settled, where a person waits until handling everything then having all the time to grieve, it’s normal to happen this way.
Don’t fall to those desires, you’re doing so good without them, you can do it, try to get some fun at the house for you and your sister, I guess if you can see her getting out of this situation in a good shape you will feel much better.
Thank you for that. It will very much be a day of tree screaming and personal earthquakes. I’m going to try and calm down enough not to sleep walk.
Youngest brother John is in detox and rehab right now… positive
Riley is safe, only minor injury’s and finally understanding she can’t be the worlds lifeguard… positive
Younger brother Jack is coming over to take Riley to get new glasses… he’s coming back to the family… positive
No word from our other brother Jacob… (not nice, but) … positive, (couldn’t help it.)
I am trying to look at this logically. On the logic side, there is no reason for this. But the manic panic is amping up. I can almost hear the circus music now. I am so thankful I did an extra few shifts over Thanksgiving holiday so I’m off today just due to the 1040 rule by the union.
I like the idea of doing something fun. It’s 49 degrees F out today and not raining. A picnic on the beach… not original, but fun. When Riley comes back with new glasses, it should be picnic time.
Hang in there J, all of this is not permanent. Keep your mind away from the bad and focus on the positives that will be born from this. I know it is easier said than done, but it is very possible. Find relaxing and low stress activities to focus on - things will get better.
(couldn’t help it.)