I have about a two-day delay on my emotional reaction time for a lot of things. It’s like a two-day window of calm due to the fact that the situation hasn’t really sunk in. Well, the window is shutting early…
Yesterday was a pretty emotional day. My youngest brother beat up my kid sis, and trashed her car. When he sobered up, he Finally admitted he was blacked out drunk when he did it. Admitted he needed help, and with our parents help, checked into rehab.
My kid sis, finally stood up to this brother yesterday, and due to a post here on the forum, finally admitted that she was in over her head this time and should have come clean about a lot of things with this brother sooner. She’s finally letting go of that stubborn streak of hers.
Yesterday, I was calm. I was cool. It was fine, I wasn’t panicked.
Now that the tow truck is picking up my sisters trashed car and the glass is just falling out of it, and the bumper just fell off, my sis is bumping into stuff because my brother broke her glasses when he hit her, and her eye is too swollen to wear contacts so she can’t hard see today, and I’m looking at the stitches in her hand and the other cuts and scratches, I’m starting to loose it.
I woke up WANTING/ NEEDING to go to Pike Place market. I woke up and my first thought was, “I feel SO good, I want to go to Pike Place.” (a place where I used to buy drugs) I have been trying NOT to think about how good a drink would taste. It’s like my brain is craving and hiding it in a bit of a manic upbeat candy bar. I’ve never had a manic craving wrapped in chocolate.
The window of calm is shutting. Now it’s going to be a day for the head circus.
If I type any nonsense today, or don’t seem that with it when I reply, please be patient. It’s not permanent.