So I have a conundrum. The way I see it, there are three options for the voices in my head. They are either thoughts, beings, or both. For a while when I first had voices (or voice-like entities) in my mind, I thought they were thoughts. Then in December 2017 I started thinking they were beings. But now? I’m not sure. Though I can’t hear them as of now, the voices definitely talk to me like there’s a separate person in the room. They have claimed to be separate from me before, so that’s something, but they just go along with and agree with whatever my ideas are. So what do you think? Are they beings or thoughts? I know I probably didn’t explain myself well so please ask me questions if you need.
Thoughts. Psychosis tricks you into thinking they’re beings.
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Okay, thank you. I know thoughts can get wacky, but I am just having a hard time thinking that my thoughts are that powerful. Like they tell me things that I didn’t think I knew, about people and about society. I get a lot of ideas in my head and they just go along with those. Right now it’s the idea that I have to kill myself to escape the darkness. Like, they’ll go along with it. But before when I thought I had to kill myself to save the world from the society, they went along with that too. And when I thought people were working for Satan. So each time I get new ideas and each time the idea feels true. Why can’t I convince myself it’s not?
Because that’s what psychosis does to you.
You need to tell your pdoc about those thoughts, even if your mum disagrees. They can’t help you properly unless you tell them everything. You might need other medications, or a higher dose of your existing ones.
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When I heard voices I believed in all sorts of things. The things they told me built up this whole story about dead people but its just not true.
@Pikasaur I’m scared to tell my pdoc. My mom will get angry and they might send me to a hospital (again). I know this is my fault because I engage with these thoughts. I talk back and I sit and think. They feel so true and reasonable and it’s lonely in my head without them. When my thoughts disappear I don’t know how to cope with the silence. It hasn’t been quiet in my head for years, not even during the good year and a half I had. There’s always talking. When that went away for a little while, I wished it back and when the talking started again I engaged. Well I don’t remember it fully going away but that’s what my mom said happened. This is all my fault.
@anon98459728 I’m sorry you had to cope with voices. I know they can be a pain. I feel like I’m different, like my story is true. I am special. That’s why the government watches me. They know I’m special. I have many ideas. I won’t get into them.
You do sound a lot like I used to. I would advise talking to your pdoc about them hes really the best for it. You can tell him that you do not feel comfortable talking about some of the stuff.
You can’t blame yourself.
They don’t send you to a hospital unless you’re an immediate threat to yourself or others. And who cares if your mom gets angry? Who is she to deny you the help you need? You’re old enough that you should be allowed to make that desicion alone.
you might not have enough strength left to fight off the psychosis because the meds aren’t working properly. If you get better treatment, you’d be stronger and the voices/“beings” would feel weaker.
And so what if they send you to a hospital? What’s the worst that can happen? They’ll monitor you and give you a med change under supervision, and you might come out of it feeling stronger. Sometimes a hospital stay is what is needed, that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
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Omg Nova gave you a second reply. I can’t belive it.
@Sardonic tell your pdoc about this, is not worth it to live like this. Just my two million cents
you’re turning psychotic for whatever reason and should be admitted to hospital. I don’t think you are well at all.
@anon98459728 @Pikasaur @anon92220549 @Daze Okay, I will have to stand up to my mom. It’s not just me blaming myself, my mom blames me too because I’m not working hard enough to get past it. It’s hard. I have absolutely no drive, the thoughts are hard to ignore, and I do want the thoughts around. Especially if they’re my thoughts. Why can’t I engage my own thoughts? They’re my ideas. You’re right, I’m an adult. I can’t lie anymore. I have to tell my pdoc everything, about the suicidal ideation, about wanting the thoughts around, about feeling like I can’t resist the thoughts, about having no drive. Sometimes I just want to be left alone with my thoughts. My mind, my thoughts. But also she is the one who would have to pay for a hospital. I can’t do that to her. If I say something and they send me to a hospital, my mom might have a serious problem on her hands. Maybe if I tell my pdoc that I can’t go to a hospital? @Daze don’t worry I don’t really feel any different other than feeling an increasing need to end my life. This is getting bad, isn’t it? I don’t know what to do. This is my fault and I can’t do that to my mom.
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Firstly its totally not your fault and as for not working hard enough to get past it, it is really not that simple. You seem to be quite coherent in your thinking when you talk and I’m glad that your wanting to talk to your pdoc. Sorry to hear that your finding it upsetting but that is a totally understandable reaction and I hope that you see your problems with a bit more understanding in time like I have.
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It’s nice to hear someone say it’s not that simple. I don’t think it’s simple either but I’m pretty sure my mom thinks it is. I told her it was hard to ignore but she said it’s not hard to ignore and that I just have to break the habit of talking to the thoughts. I’m glad that I’m coherent; it would suck if I was trying to communicate but wasn’t making any sense. I do kinda want to talk to my pdoc but I don’t think I should. I think it’s probably a bad idea for my mom and for me.
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Don’t blame yourself, you’re making me upset.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.
Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, it’s my reaction.
Damn you’re so hard to figure out
Yeah I used to be like I could not tell my doctor these things because he would hang me out to dry. Still do feel off on that talking to my CPN on some things to be honest.
I don’t know what you meant by that, but I didn’t want to upset anyone. I do blame myself, a lot, for a lot of things. I have guilt hanging over me. But my thoughts are clear now. I’m tired of lying. My thoughts are telling me to freaking kill myself and I can’t get out of it. I don’t even know if I want out of it. This thought is distressing but it feels true. That’s the stupid truth. I can’t figure out my own mind.
Were you scared of being sent to the hospital? That’s what I don’t want. Am I a danger to myself? Yeah, probably. I mean I found meds but I can’t open the bottle to one and the other I highly doubt would kill me. Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but it’s the truth. I’m sorry you feel off about your CPN at times, that is a sucky situation to be in. Wanting to trust and be honest, but feeling like you can’t.
Yes I hated going to hospital, I nearly got sectioned once not wanting to go.