A little while ago there was a thought in my head telling me to burn myself for God. It scared me because I felt like I had to so I did. There are thoughts in my head that tell me to kill myself for various reasons. Because there is darkness chasing me that will enter the dimension once it finds me. Because I will destroy the world. Because it is my mission and it will save the world. Because I am a bad person. All of these things jumble together in my head and create a sense that I have to kill myself, just like the sense that I had to burn myself. So my thoughts want to hurt me and kill me but are they right about killing myself? The rain makes me think so. But it couldāve also been a warning not to. I think though that it is telling me I have to do it, just like my thoughts. But theyāre more than thoughts. Theyāre alive, they want to escape. They say my mind will break. Or they say Iāll get my next mission once I leave this world. I can hear the ringing which means theyāre trying to escape. Yes I thought they were beings before but maybe theyāre both thoughts and beings, or just thoughts because there is one main voice that says different things to me. Thereās also a whisper that says things (the whisper is relatively new) and sometimes other voices that sound different. They say I am an interdimensional traveller and that my soul is from between dimensions so I have a connection to there. Anyway back to the question. Sorry I started rambling.
I think they are thoughts infused with beings, like neutral chaotic guides.
I knew my injection had worn off when I was washing dishes and heard āWhy donāt you kill yourself?ā
is this a survey?
I will only hear them if they escape.
It is a question and a little bit of rambling. I just said what was on my mind.
One day I was standing in the kitchen and I heard a voice loud and clear tell me to get my meds and ātake them allā. I felt compelled to do it. I did. I just stood there emptying out my pill minder a few days at a time and laughing like a crazy person until I took a weeks worth of a bunch of different meds. Iāll never forget the way I was laughing, it didnāt even feel like it was coming from me.
My āvoicesā donāt order me around. We speak our minds. We talk. We solve issues. Examine puzzles. We laugh. So as I have said a little while ago, I thrive off of isolation, because., Thatās where the birds are.
Demons have told me to kill, slay, without remorse. I always ignore them
It feels like you have to listen. I am scared because I feel like I have to kill myself. When I was 14, I thought God sent me an angel to prevent me from killing myself. Now I doubt that experience because I think Iām supposed to do it. My mom locked all the meds in a safe and I canāt open it. I tried to pick the lock but it didnāt work. I donāt think I wouldāve done it though, too scared right now. I am so anxious that I donāt know what to do with myself.
Try thus. Sit. Quietly. Analyse the room you 're in. Look around. Find love. Be it the floor. The ceiling. The t.v. A window. And meditate this mini phrase to yourself., āgod. Is in the details.ā. Good luck!.
@ATARI That is good you donāt get bossed around. Mine tell me what to do and they tell me many different things.
@Om_Sadasiva It is scary when you are told to kill but they always give me a choice myself or others. I am too scared to do either. I vow to never kill anyone so if it gets to that point then Iāll have to get over the fear and kill myself. I feel like I have to kill myself. They also say I will turn to the dark side and hurt people. I have darkness and light in me I have to keep the light alive.
Trust me itās part of the illness. If you feel like killing yourself you need to let your mom know so she can make sure to help keep you safe. Whenever I feel the feelings coming up in me I tell my husband so he doesnāt leave me alone. I go to the emergency room so I can get professional help when I just donāt feel safe. But the most important thing is not to suffer alone. Tell your mom.
God is in the details I like that.
I told my mom. She said she wonāt let me end up in a state hospital and that she will take me to a private hospital when she gets insurance. I donāt really want to go to the hospital though. But yeah I told my mom thatās why she locked away every med in the house.
Well., Sadly., I didnāt come u with that one. Wish I did though. Blargh!.
Come up. Ugh!, Computersā¦ ā¦ ā¦
I am stressed and anxious. I donāt know what to do with myself. Look around the room and see the details. My mom told me to keep occupied but I just feel like thinking. Is it strange that I am scared yet just feel like thinking? I am not happy but I am not sad either. Well Iām kinda sad. I donāt want to die.
good, good job keeping yourself safe. Those thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. Push them away and hold onto love and hope. Things will get better. Thatās what I try to tell myself. I was struggling with thoughts yesterday and I kept just pushing it out of my head and trying to focus on my loved ones and how it would hurt them if I left them that way. I feel better and stronger a little today. These things come and go I guess.
I know it will hurt my family and friend, but I feel like I have no choice, that I need to overcome my fear and do what needs to be done. I donāt want to hurt people though. Thatās why I feel guilty. Well I always feel guilty, but thatās one reason. But not wanting to hurt people goes multiple ways. I donāt want to destroy the world or go dark side and start killing or something. But I feel a tiny bit like Iām losing my ā ā ā ā so I came here to talk. Thank you all for talking to me it is kind of you.