So I’ve been holding on to this secret for quite some time now. At first I didn’t know how to react to it, but I guess I just took it as it was. So along with being schizophrenic my psychologist has diagnosed me with antisocial personality disorder. Basically I lack empathy. I have assessed my life quite a bit trying to understand why I have so much self control over the urges to hurt others. I even surprise myself when I bring up my animals because I use to torcher them as a child. I guess what I’m trying to say in my quest to be “normal” I have adapted to having feelings. My psychologist asked me if I really cared or if it was a learned behavior that I picked up as I observed people. I told her not all antisocial people go around killing. Anyway, I wanted to share this with someone, anyone, because I don’t want to keep it to myself any longer.
I don’t think I’m not genuine, but I try my best. I think I’m doing well.
I don’t know much about psychopathy/antisocial personality disorder… but I do know this.
It isn’t your fault you have it, we are all born with our quirks.
Sorry you are dealing with that. Do you agree with the diagnosis? What does it mean for your daily life?
I heard aspd can be inborn or learned through bad childhood or a bit of both? Neither is your fault indeed. What you do with it now does matter though. Even if you lack the feeling of empathy, you can cognitively understand hurting people or animals is a bad idea.
If you try your best, and want to be genuine, you do what you can! (And tbh it makes me wonder if you are perhaps on the lower side of that spectrum…)
Yes, I definitely agree I am on the lower end of the the spectrum. Based on my childhood I was abused by my mother, but treated with kindness and love by my father. I believe if I had only been raised by my mother alone. I would have killed her, and my brother and gone on to hurt others. But because my father showed me that he loved me, I remained taimed. I do agree with the diagnosis because as a child I did hurt others badly and abused animals. I had not sense of danger or worry over things. I think now, I have found that my anger, hate and rage is mostly directed at criminals. I believe when it comes to someone hurting others I am amoral, which means I will kill no matter right or wrong as long as it stays directed at those that hurt others. Sounds strange but this is how I’ve slowly molded my thinking.
Hello ur not alone. Ive only really had a heart felt emotional response for one person my whole life. And when he left my heart died. I physically felt it sink and I never loved again. I became like jack frost heart wise however, when I feel him every now and then I’ll be driving and my heart flutters. There was this old guy bending over showing his butt and i thought it was him in front my house and my heart.flipped like little electrical pulses almost back to life…
However, I too have this probl3m ive learb3d how to act appropriate and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. its a struggle for m3 to manage.
Wow thank you. Yes, it is a struggle to manage. I try my best to do things that are acceptable to those that can empathize and sympathize. I wish I could feel what they feel. I tell myself that as I enjoy living, others do as well and to not disrupt them of it.
Hey there, i think it is a “normal” human response to have anger, acting out and blunted feelings of empathy if you were abused. Im sorry you went through that. Im really happy your dad did act loving!
I have had an inpatient treatment for complex ptsd and loads of us had anger, rage and numbness. One girl told me she felt like a “robot” before treatment and learned in this program to feel again. So i hope you dont feel ashamed of it…it isnt your fault.
Thank you. Ever since I got into therapy, I’ve been able to connect with somewhat of feelings. I can’t say it’s much, but it’s something. I’m glad I can control my emotions so well now. My psychologist told me I was responsible for my reactions. I soaked that up.
No, not yet. I’ll bring it up though. She’s done wonders for my life. I’m a better mother, wife, sister etc. I’m so grateful to have lived in a time where we have medicine and therapists.
