This is stupid, but I still need an idea

The kid sis is rather smitten with an 18 year old boy from my AA group who is also SZ. He’s not med compliant and he’s not really having an easy time staying sober either. I feel for the kid, he’s working his butt off. But he doesn’t have a good support system in place. His life is in huge transition.

At the same time, I’ve been trying to give my kid sis hints that this guy is NOT in any shape for a real relationship. Her head understands, but I don’t think her heart is listening. They’ve gone on dates and stuff.

The library where the AA meeting is, he was in the parking lot really making out with a young lovely blond. I was calm. I was actually calm. I’m pretty happy about staying calm. I asked him who the young lovely was. He said one of his girlfriends.
I was still calm. I am so amazed I was still calm. I told him my kid sis is really rather smitten. He said he would like her better if she put out. Until that happens, she’s good for a laugh. What a pal.

I really want to tell her. But I don’t want her crying. I don’t want her holding her heart out to this person who has no interest in it. I am so angry at what a stupid drama this could become.
To tell or not to tell…
Thank you all…

you have to tell her ,there are three things that you can not hide for long, the sun, the moon and the truth .
sooner or later she will find out the truth, better now.
take care

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You should definitely tell her. That guy will just cause her heartache. If he really liked her he would have been with that other girl. He is not ready to settle down.

Oh my you totally have to tell her. It would make her feel better if you told her rather than her finding out in a hurtful way. Wish u well

Tell her. Just keep being calm and tell her exactly what you saw and what he said. She needs to know that that is who he is. You can do it. Or write her another note.

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i’d tell her for her sake, i wouldn’t like my sis going out with someone like that, the fact that he said that to you about your sister shows massive disrespect to you and her. its probably lucky you found that out about him so you can warn your her about it.

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Thank you. I was trying to take a step back when he was saying this. I just kept thinking “don’t start a fight in a library parking lot. Don’t do it. This is a library for eff sake. I’ve almost been done in for assault once already in this life.”

I hate to admit it, but there was also a tiny voice in my head that shouted, “hurray… My sis is being a good kid.” because we are close, but we don’t discuss her dating or my dating (when I dated.)

Oh gosh, this guy sounds like a creep. You have to talk to her, she’ll be upset but think how much worse it’d be if he did anything to her. He’s obviously interested in one thing, and she deserves better. I hope, if you talk to her, that it goes well. Be gentle, but make sure she understands.

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You have to tell her. It’s better if she knows than catch him in action. I think she will be very angry with you if you already knew and didn’t tell her. I know I would.

As noted, the ayes have it.
It’s just as important how you say it to her. Stating just the facts in a non emotional way will let her make up her own mind.
By informing her his exact words about the blond being “one of his girlfriends”
And his quote"he’d like her better if she would put out, until then, she’s good for a laugh" that should be all the info any girl needs to look elsewhere.

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Sounds like he’s just using her until he gets what he wants. Not much of a basis for a good relationship. And the fact that he told you that is incredibly disrespectful. If you tell her now it could save her from worse heartache down the road.


Dear Forum …. Thank you for your kind support and please, please forgive me

I have tried so hard not to do this. I keep coming back to this post and then moving on. This might be the most wrong thing to do. I don’t like posting on sites that you post on. But I know you will read this if I post here. I’m glad you have this forum to speak freely and get the ideas you need. It’s just; I knew something was tremendously bothering you and causing you unneeded stress. Now I know.

Yes… you should tell me about C. (However, from this post thread. I know now) I know you don’t want me to be upset and cry. Knowing what I know now … I can get over him and quietly get out of his life. Remember when I was a little kid? You have to pull the band-aid off in one quick go. Inching it off only hurts worse for me.

I’ll try not to, but I am going to cry a little. However, look at it this way. You’re the master at cheering me up. (A little bit of sticky popcorn and hot coco wouldn’t hurt either) :wink:

I’m not angry with you. Why would I be? You got pulled into this mess by accident; you didn’t ask for this. I’m angry with him and myself for falling for him. In this life you have risked a lot for me. You have been a hero to me in many ways. You have raised me, taught me what you can, and protected me when you can.

You raised me to be kind and open-minded. Because of the open mind that you poured into me when I was little, I hope you feel you can just tell me what you need to.
I want to promise that I’m not going to do something stupid. But I’m sure I will in this life… I’m human. I am sorry J, but you can’t protect me from being human. But please tell me when life gets messed up? I trust what you say. I might not always want to hear it. But coming from you, I trust it.
We have each others back, that’s how it’s always been. With that in place, tomorrow will be better then yesterday. Thank you for this life. I’m grateful for you.
:blush: :stuck_out_tongue:


You’re too awesome, kidsister! I’m sorry that you got hurt, but I’m glad you’re approaching this in a mature and responsible manner. J really cares about you, and I know he wants you to be happy and safe. Keep being good to each other!


I’m 52 years old and I have two older sisters. The oldest is three years older and my other sister is two years older. And they BOTH still help me and look out for me. Boyfriends and girlfriends and friends come and go and that’s fine. But no one has cared for me EVER, more than my family. And stuck up for me. I trust them, they have my best interests at heart. And I in return try to do any favor they ask of me.

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If you don’t mind me asking, with the path life took you, and the verging path life took your sisters, was it hard staying close to them or maintaining your friendship with them?

Well when all three of us were kids growing up, it was constant arguing, teasing, verbal and even physical fighting. My oldest sister has always had a horrible temper so we let her alone. But anyway, once both my sisters moved out on their own and got their own lives I got along great with both of them. They had their problems with each other, still do. But they both get together still. But over the years sometimes I have been closer to one than the other. Actually when I was 35 years old my middle sister rented me a room in her condo.I lived with her for three years and she invited me to go out with her and her friends two or three times a week. We live in close proximity to each other so,I still see them. And even when they have husbands and boyfriends I used to get invited out. Luckily, I have gotten along OK with their husbands.I could do a lot more with them now but I kind have turned down invitations. But I’m 52 years old and obviously a lot happens in peoples lives. There have been moves, divorces, different jobs, different circumstances. But it has not been hard to stay in touch. Yes, my life had diverged, but they make a point out of making time to see me, even if it’s just going out to coffee. It’s OK to phone them anytime. Anyway, I hope this helps.

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