Schizophrenia.com

Communication breakdown.... it's not just us

#1

There is a 17 year old guy who just has it bad for my kid sis. He will find any excuse to come over and just ask her a question. The stuff he does is sometimes embarrassing. I just want to take him under my arm and say, “Little guy, please, stop. it’s too painful to watch”

My 17 year old kid sis thinks he’s very sweet but in need some confidence. My kid sis is a lifeguard and has a deep rooted compulsion to rescue everyone she sees. Everyone gets rescued, wether they want it or not. (I’ve come to see this as training from the job.)

So she has taken this poor young lad under her wing to teach him about girls. Because in her mind… who better to teach one about girls, then a girl.

This young lad has put up with all this silliness and “coaching” purely because he gets to spend time with her when she does this. But now, last night she set him up on a date with one of her “pretty” friends. Yes the friend is very pretty, but she’s a girl who loves her facebook and the shopping mall.

This “pretty” girl is no were near the independent, book loving, surfer girl that my sis is. So now the poor lad is confused and hurt and doesn’t understand why my sis is trying to get rid of him.

My sis can’t for the life of her understand why someone wouldn’t love to be on a date with a girl who could be a model. (thought she doesn’t read, or have any interest other then shopping)

Doesn’t even begin to cross my sister’s mind that the guy isn’t just looking for a date… he’s looking for a date with her.

I guess I’m putting up this small event as a way to say… be patient and kind to yourselves my friends.
Communication is a very tricky biz for all us humans…

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#2

Thanks for posting that story. Communication is difficult.

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#3

J, your sister is a keeper, be thankful she keeps her feet on the ground.
the only thing she seems to lack is confidence…???
Why? IDK…maybe to keep her head from getting to big to fit through the door when should finally realizes her potential…?

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#4

maybe the guy will work out that she is not interested in him in that way by setting him up with her friend but she still likes him enough to try to help him get a date.

i have found that women are really complicated people especially at that age when there hormones are flying around, when i was in college it was hard because i would get all of these mixed messages from my friends who were girls and i didnt know what to make of it, it was so confusing,

my friend came over the other night for a drink but it is still quite hard for me to think that she is just there as a friend like when a guy gets attention from a girl he automatically see’s that as they are interested in me, they want me lol even me and i am not the youngest or prettiest guy in the world lol,

maybe sometimes women unintentionally get guys hopes up without even knowing or realizing it, sometimes women do realize this and try to discourage the man somehow to keep him as a friend but nothing more.

as i say it is complicated

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#5

To be fair @daydreamer, guys need little to encourage them. I tried to take a guy under my wing, he seemed like a cool person, so I tried to teach him how to talk to women. He went for me. He knew I was engaged and stuff but he still went for it. I didn’t like him like that, I just wanted to help someone else out (I used to be lonely too, I wanted to help him). I told him what I was doing too. In plain English. No subtly.
Kidsis might not like him like that, it might be as you said SuprisedJ, she just wants to help him. It’s hard to stop the impulse to help people, even when you know it can go wrong like this. She might not have told him straight out because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, but yeah, I definitely think she isn’t interested. Maybe she understands something about him that you don’t? Turns out the friend I was trying to help is most likely single because he is a jerk. He got on a mutual friend’s facebook and tried to talk her out of her veganism habit. There is nothing wrong with expressing your opinion, but we were talking about the tasty vegan goodies she has. She isn’t a preacher. She doesn’t knock hamburgers out of people’s hands. I don’t know what he was doing/thinking. She has been veg long enough that it is a committed life style for her. She cares about that. And he tried to belittle her. Saw true colors that day.
Finally, most guys seem to behave very stereotypically. “She’s hot I would rather be doing her” is a common theme it seems. I’ve heard guys alone at lunch tables saying this. Not about me, thank goodness, but about some poor other girl. I still saw red though. Kidsis is probably trying to get him someone she thinks he wants based on they typical male she knows (I doubt you are like this. I’m talking about guys at school and stuff). I really don’t think she wants to date him though. If she did, she would.

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#6

I’m thinking that is part of it for her right there. She’s always saying how guys her age would never want to date her. She blames three things specifically.

She says first it’s because she doesn’t drink or do drugs. (her job drug tests and she’s seen the alcohol horror stories in this family.)

Second she says it’s because she reads lot and likes weird things. Third she says it’s because she’s older then most guys her age.

That last one is true. She moved in with me when I was not doing well at all.

She has learned how to take care of my banking, my rent, my taxes. She can talk about taxes with guys who are 25. Guys her age don’t know anything about doing their own laundry, or paying rent or banking. Which I’m glad she knows this because now that I’m getting better, I’m leaning how to do this for myself.

#7

I think it’s good for her too. You don’t want a guy who will say “Let’s go on a date” and hand you laundry soap.

#8

Lol kids dating is so sad. I remember my first attempts, they were garbage and I had no idea what I was doing!