Thinking about the past

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I have rumination ocd plus intrusive thoughts and I keep thinking about my past and the embarrassing actions I’ve done when I was psychotic. The flashbacks come out of nowhere and I spend at least 3-4 hours thinking about what I’ve done.

I remember aimlessly walking in stores when I was psychotic, not in my right mind. I also said really embarrassing stuff to other people saying that I would kill myself etc. I keep thinking about that and it’s absolutely miserable.

I don’t know why I have done that and I feel like a big embarrassment. Only recently I’ve realized I have rumination ocd which makes sense. I wish I was a better person and I hate myself for making those mistakes.

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The past is a heavy thing to carry - put it down.

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I have a lot of regrets and I’m gonna be a hypocrite but you gotta forgive yourself for the mistakes you made you don’t seem like you were in your right mindset and trust me thinking about the past is a bad idea learning from it is a better thing than regret again I’m being a hypocrite because as my therapist said “it was your illness not your fault” and I have trouble believing that

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these two women from my grade mean mugged me in the library, i got my glory in the situation but i always revisit flashback to this scene in the library it gives me a bad feeling

i have ptsd sometimes its helped but sometimes it just gets worse

we live in a ■■■■■■ up world

i felt like i was emotionally abused just yesterday…some people befriend me but theyre really stab me in the back and do the worst things to me all at once only to have spoiled a good time…i cant trust anyone anymore. ive met good people but im surrounded by terrible people in my life too. its tough to deal with sometimes

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If there’s anyway you could look forward to better days I would, the past is one of the only things we can’t really change ya know

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I have a lot of delusions related to my past and now I have ocd as a result.

It’s hard, very hard. I’m having a really hard time.

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I’m so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. OCD is terrible. It’s like feeling completely out of control of what you are doing, powerless. There are a lot of medicines that can help. I tried many and wanted to give up and crawl in a hole, but my pdoc threw a hail mary and increased a med I was already on for something else and it helped. I’m not 100% cured, but I’m not totally out of control tortured either. I’m trying to say I got some relief.

Be forthright about your symptoms and seek help. That’s my advice. I truly hope you get some relief, us leaves got to stick together!

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Try to replace it with focusing on right now. What can I do to be a better person to myself and others right now? You won’t be perfect at it and that’s ok. But when you realize you’re ruminating, go back to that question. What can I do right now to be a better person to myself and others?

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