one half: maybe you do have sza, maybe you’re unwell, that’s what people keep saying
other half: don’t stop believing, you know the truth, they want to medicate your beliefs, your theories, your intelligence away
I’m feeling like I can’t trust much outside of my own mind.
Your right it’s a battle but it really is all smoke and mirrors. It’s always seductive to think that your special and your different because you have powers, or special thoughts…all you really have is special chemistry in your brain from a disorder.
Staying on the medications is how you win the battle. It really becomes that simple for most!
Thanks @rogueone. I will continue to take my meds for now. My mom insists and I’m trying to trust her and you and everyone else who has given me advice. I feel so sure that I’m right, but my mom told me that the way things are going I will end up in the hospital and I DO NOT want to go there. Just why should I trust anything outside of my mind? I should listen to others and trust them over my head? No ■■■■■■■ way. But then part of me feels like I’m on shaky ground and I feel like I will just crumble. I’m so frustrated these days.
Yeah it’s not uncommon. I’ve been in some weird states. Really scary states where I didn’t know my ass from my head. It’s not that I forgot that. I just got to a place on the meds where I thought…ahhh. Maybe everyone wasn’t out to get me. Maybe it wasn’t all a conspiracy and ASIO were programming birds to follow me.
I have no answer other than trust the treatment and it’ll get you to places where it all becomes easier to figure out!
That’s amazing wisdom @rogueone!
I used to feel that way too. I was scared because I wanted to live life freely like I did as a kid, but somehow that was taken from me. But now I know that I really brought a lot of it on myself by my choice to give in to peer pressure and negative-thought influences, and not hold on to the truth.
But meds helped me be able to think straight so I could see clearly what to do about it.
There are things outside of our control: things people say, things people do, and things going on that we can’t see with our eyes, like why people do things that should never be done.
But what we do have control over—once we come to our senses (sometimes medicine helps bring us back)—is that eventually we gain the strength and understanding we need in order to live our own beautiful life regardless of those things that are outside of us trying to control us or that are all false. Eventually we strengthen and can stand our ground against their influence.
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