So I came down with sza like 4 years ago and it was such ■■■■ at the beginning. I was paranoid, sleeping in the forest behind my house… I would run away because I thought death squads were imminent and steal cars to “loose them”. Also I had a bunch of delusions that I was some kind of spiritual being like a god or what not, it all ■■■■■■ me up.
But 4 years later some of the delusions I struggled with are really making my life interesting and its keeping my spirits up.
Im just talking about a higher power of some sort, I can’t help believe. I feel important in this universe and blessed to have the life I do. Tons of cool coincedences…
I dunno, I got this mental illness and these delusions that I recognize are delusions but ■■■■ it I believe in them and I know how to act so they don’t get me in trouble anymore.
For whatever reason I dont get depressed or down, I just get the mania and it was a lot to deal with when i first started getting manic but now with medication (no side effects, yay) its all managable.
I just cant get over how self confident I’ve become because of my delusion that im some kind of spiritual being… On the one hand I know it’s crazy but on the other hand i can’t help beleive in it so whats the harm I guess.