Emmm, I had a large couple of paragraph story here about my last few days(a little about the months) and my trip to the village to see my family,but as the night has given way to day and then afternoon, I my situation has worsened I deleted all that instead opting for this. All morning i have lay in bed clutching my knife and watching the faces form and dissolve into the wall at the base of my bed. My cousin(and flatmate) brought his mum and sister home, And i heard him talk about my trip to the village to see my family, and giving his assumptions on what he thought happened there. and all of a sudden the faces stopped, and all i could focus on was his voice. And just how angry i was! Like he really just went telling people MY buisness?! that he didn’t even know as fact? yeah no thank you! So i have locked both the balcony door and the front door and told him to spend the night at his mums.I don’t know if he will realise what he has done and accept that i don’t want to be within 50ft of him. or turn up at the door anyway. But i am so damn angry right now!
Emmm I think its probably best to say that i have been off my medication for around 5months now, and was only experiencing mild hallucinations and stuff(no worse than on the pills really) but the last 2 days i have not eaten in fear of poisoning, barely slept, and experiencing rather vivid visuals thoughts and other things.
THat sounds really stressful. Please - call your doctor today and make an appointment to get back on your medications (or if you still have medications in your house, start taking them again).
I emmm, that was pretty stressful and i do have a tiny amount of respirodrone(i think thats how you spell it) left in the kitchen drawer. but i even have my concerns about that. I don’t know if getting my antipsychotics back is the answer because they did help at the height of my psychotic episodes and stuff, but like…if i just get diazepam to relieve the stress then i’ll be calm? and won’t have to worry about all this stuff i think. I really don’t want to go back to hospital i spent so long there when it first happened and again during the initial relapses. Its just been a stressful few days and i think i need to relax maybe im not sure.
I was also in hospital for a long period. 6 months. But I was in really bad shape. Hardly remember anything from it. Don’t be afraid of hospital. Sometimes it is nessesary to be there. You will come back stronger.
Please try to get in contact with your pdoc or go to ER. Things won’t get better without help. It gets worse. I’ve been there too. I have diazepam and oxazepam at home but that did not help me when I was about to relapse. Deep sleep helped me to turn things around. How do you sleep?
I don’t know how I would go to ER though, I’ve only ever been taking in once by my own accord and i was self harming and having voices telling me to do that sort of stuff, but like i live with my cousin now and i just cant up and go, and like i dont want him to think im doing it because of my bad trip to the village. I know it might sound silly but like…I don’t know i just have this feeling like my aunt said i was oblivious to not visiting them or texting or calling and stuff but now she mentioned it im not oblivious, but before that i was. so now I’ll call them more, but i cant call them if im in hospital without them thinking its all a lie.
Based on a number of things you wrote, it sounds like your consciousness is splitting in classic sz fashion… and extreme anxiety is setting in. Been there; done this. Five times.
I understand your dislike for Risperdal risperidone. But there are other atypical anti-P meds you can try like Zyprexa olanzepine, Geodon ziprasidone, Seroquel quetiapine, Abilify arapiprasole and Latuda lurasidone. Get your family to help you get to a psychopharmacologist / psychiatrist to get you on a functional and effective stabilizer at a dose level that works for you.
Believe me, resistance is futile. Things just get worse. Observe to notice to recognize to acknowledge to accept to own to appreciate to understand that our brains require dopamine receptor site blockers, regardless of the side effects. And with good, professional medical help, one can often find a way to reduce the sfx without losing the intended effects.
I don’t know any of that stuff @notmoses I don’t like olanzepine because i put on around 15K while on it, which did not help with my self image issues at all, I have tried a few others but don’t remember what they are.
Im not trying to resist I just think maybe a different solution might work. I might take some sleeping tablets and risk eating something, I think its been close to 30hours since i ate, and I’ve hid in my bedroom all day.but i have irn-bru so i should be ok.
Hi - I tweaked your post by adding "really bad’ because what you’ve described is probably very stressful and thats very bad.
I wanted to get more people to read your post and comment on it - and “The past few days” doesn’t really capture what you’ve been going through (in my admin perspective).
Oh i see, Well thanks admin, Im going to wait for my cousin to go to bed and try sleep i think that might help, and i have my knife incase anything happens. but its only 9pm.
I was sleeping well for a long time, then my grandad was in hospital so i was worried, but i was going to see him so it was ok but i was told not to by my dad, but it turns out it was actualy my aunt. and i had my suspicions to begin with but she confirmed it! and then i said i would go visit him at home which i did but that area (the village and town my family stay in is not a good place for me) so i was worried about that, and then my aunt unloading on me was just horrible. So i don’t know if im honest, but i didnt realise its wedensday today im really bad with days! so maybe sunday or saturday?
Small update, it is 03:00 AM, i managed to get to sleep for a short period of time, but I’ve woke up with a pretty sore head i have turned the brightness on the screen right down and hunger is really starting to set in.
You do know that if you spend too much time in front of your computer screen its going to negatively impact your sleep too? Please - go see a psychiatrist as soon as you can. At minimum he could give you some anti-anxiety medications to lower your stress level, sleep better and that alone would help. I would also discuss trying different antipsychotic medications too.
I will genuinely try @SzAdmin but emmm to get a doctors appointment i would need to be awake at 8am, and that would get me some antianxiety tablets but…I would need to go to the doctors as well and wait in the waiting room with people and then wait in the pharmasist as well…
emmm to get a doctors appointment i would need to be awake at 8am, and that would get me some antianxiety tablets but…I would need to go to the doctors as well and wait in the waiting room with people and then wait in the pharmasist as well…
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