Apologies To You All

Hi guy’s again.

I’m sorry about my posts if I have annoyed yiu…

I’m open to my symptoms being caused by depression etc…, Until I see how this medication works I cannot say what’s what.

I will just see how it all goes and hope I get better. I have a problem I know that and if I’m honest I am looking for answers and a label I guess. Maybe there isn’t one.

Sorry to you all if I’ve been self diagnosing. I probably don’t know what I’m talking about so best of luck to you all and thanks for trying to make me see sense. I’m assuming just because I was prescribed antipsychotic medication, that I’m suffering from psychosis. I just got a bit sceptical when my psychiatrist prescribed these.

I must stop doubting people and listen to my psychiatrist and work with him and see where things go from there. I definitely am not a know it all, I just think very deeply and I do fear life itself, fearful of my children becoming ill, that something terrible is about to happen. I fear something every day.

I must talk to my psychiatrist and try to help myself.

Best of luck to everyone here. I’m sorry again for annoying you all. I’ll leave things at that and take my medication and stop questioning everything.

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I’m not sure what it is you’re apologizing about. Don’t feel bad asking questions, that’s why this forum is here.
Your fears about becoming ill and worrying about your children seem reasonable and valid to me. But I don’t want to say much else about it because I really don’t know everything you are going through.
It’s good to place your trust in your doctor and follow his treatment plan. Even though every psychiatrist is different in regard to their personality and bedside manner, they are also extremely well trained and educated (4 years prerequisites at university, 4 years medical school, 4 years internship at psych facility, plus additional stuff like post-graduate, etc.). They are held to very stringent standards in the way they practice and I’m pretty sure they take the Hippocratic Oath.
If you choose to leave, that’s your decision. But I hope you’ll stay so you can correspond with us and keep us up to date. And if any questions or concerns arise, I’m sure many of us will be happy to help and offer our advise and opinions.

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You have not annoyed me. But you worry too much and you don’t trust your doc.

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This is the problem.

Just take a step back. Breathe. Trust your doctors.

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For reference, here are things abilify is used off label for.

https://psychopharmacologyinstitute.com/antipsychotics/aripiprazole/aripiprazole-indications-fda-approved-off-label-uses/

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Thank you for your lovely reply.

I will keep you guy’s posted. I’m sorry for not taking others views on board that’s what I meant. You guy’s are very good to listen to me. I may have over stepped the mark by trying to say I have Schizophrenia, when even my psychiatrist says I don’t!

I’m doubting everything everyone says to me. I don’t know why. I never felt normal and have always tried to get people to like me. I think it’s got a lot to do with my early childhood upbringing. Constantly in fear I was of what’s next. I have enormous fear. I continuously worry my kids who are now adults, still living with me will get sick. I’ve had this forever, that I won’t know what to do if they get sick. I fear everything daily, from cooking to sterilizing so there is no germs. I cannot cope with change. I live on the edge, what if there’s a car crash when my son drives, I see them sick in hospital and they are never sick, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m on constant high alert. I’m struggling with life and what it brings, I’m not equipped mentally to deal with anything changing, like if my son or daughter goes out, what will happen if there drink is spiked or they get set upon.

I don’t eat much. I mean I can’t sit when I eat. I just rush the food here and there for myself. I only care my kids get proper food and I do cook for them. My husband is right. I bubble wrapped my kids. They are not as independent as some. I do everything for them, so when it comes to cooking, I don’t like to let them cook in case they don’t cook it right and they will get food poisoning or ill. My husband said I ruined this household. I know it’s my fault they are not as independent as others over me bubble wrapping them. I’m not normal. Honestly I’m not.

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Also I feel like I’m living on the edge. What if something happens, how will I cope with that?

This is my fear. Fear of life itself. My mind is constantly on high alert. My childhood was the same, I had to do a lot of chores, cooking, shopping, cleaning, and try to keep up schoolwork as well. My uncle expected I have my homework from school done correctly, but his wife had me doing everything else in the house as well. I suffered beatings and she was a home drinker, so things were very strange in that beautiful house that from the outside, people didn’t know the full extent of what was going on in the inside.

They never let me out much. Very little. I used to sleep in fear because she would often come to my room at night, wake me up after taking all my clothes out of my wardrobe and telling me get up and hang them up. Strange things like that used to happen. I was so so tired as a child living with them, the pressure was immense. Get things done before I go to school, bring her her breakfast in bed, get to school try to concentrate, get home go get shopping, cleaning and cooking, then very little time to do my school work. My uncle would then return from work, and he would check my homework and because things were not done right I would have his punishment on top of everything else.

That house was a nightmare to live in. I was already after losing my mother at age one and a half, then my maternal grandmother raised me very well until I was 8. My grandfather used to beat her, I was terrified she would die. Shortly before she died, she separated from him. I missed her dearly when she died, and it’s her son my uncle who took me into care with his wife. All went downhill from there unfortunately. My father was an alcoholic, but I did see him regularly when I was living in that house, but I was afraid to tell him or anyone what was happening to me, fear of physical violence and that my uncle and aunt would make me pay for telling.

There was sexual abuse also in that house. And also by another not family member but close enough to our family where we used to visit, happening same time I was living with my Uncle and Aunt.

Honestly I miss my grandmother so much, and I think I bubble wrapped my kids because of my own fears I went through growing up. I ran away from them aged 14. Went to my father, who was off the drink by then, left school and started drinking heavily, going out. I went wild. Then a man much much older than me wined and dined me. Took advantage of my vulnerabilities. My father asked him if he had any part time work. It was a vegetable stall. He gave me a job, he was a married man, but he bought me and provided me with drink regularly.

My story is just so hurtful in many ways. I don’t know how I could ever be right but I’ve tried my best to raise my kids as best I could, even if it was very fearful for me. They got through school and my daughter is about to graduate from college in the summer.

I tried to do my best. Unfortunately there is evidence of I not being able to give them full independence due to my own fears. I know there’s a bad world out there and I do try to protect them even now that they are adults.

It’s just all very unfortunate for me because I am hurt, deeply deeply hurt. I don’t want to admit it but I am. I remember long ago a psychiatrist once said to me. Your traumas are so deeply ingrained that we may never get there.

I’m tired from all the heaviness in my heart but I will take whatever help I’m being given by my psychiatrist. I need it. I just want you guys to know some of my past history. It might make things somewhat clearer.

I hope it’s ok to have told some of my story. I’m definitely in need of this medication I think for what I’ve been through and tried to fight but it’s got a hold of me my past I think.

Thanks

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I am sorry for your childhood problems and traumas. Try to forget and live in the present as much as you can.

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I’m sorry you’ve been through all of that. Do you go to therapy to work through your traumas at all?

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I will trust my doc from now on. Thanks. I’m glad I didn’t annoy you.

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Many Thanks. I will look at it.

Just ask him your questions in order to get relief.

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Are you on anything for anxiety? Do you have a therapist?

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I promise I will trust my doctors from here on in. I know I’ve doubted them in the past. It’s better for me to let them do what’s right for me. They know best.

Hopefully things will get easier with the new add on to my antidepressant.

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I’m on Effexor and Aripiprazole. That’s it.

Just my psychiatrist.

Just my 2 cents, get a therapist ASAP. They’re invaluable in helping cope with that sort of anxiety and catastrophic thinking.

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I will talk to my psychiatrist. I will just go through everything with him. Thanks again for your thoughts. I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.

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What kind of therapist should I see?

I mean is my psychiatrist not enough?