The lonely battle

April 15 2013 I was diagnosed with the damn thing, schizophrenia. I told the doctor to go to hell and that’s exactly where I’ve gone. To hell. I have not been to one class, group meeting therapy session etc, nor have I taken any type of medication at all. Not one pill. It’s a war that I rage and I am determined to figure out how to beat this thing with pure inner human strength. I know that it is possible to beat. Am I the one who will do it? I don’t know, but somebody will. My whole life I have been a strong capable man, and my identity has formed itself around that. And the day I go to a clinic and say I need help, is the day I loose me. I will never be who I was from that point forward. Is there anyone else out there that is in the same lonely isolated war that I’m in? We can share ideas and maybe united we can be stronger. When it gets to much I go to a motel and isolate for 2 and 3 days at a time. This however is not a good thing for my marriage, nor my family relationships at all. And it gets real expensive. Each trip out I wonder if it’s going to be my last. We know where they come from, the sounds, people, etc. We know they aren’t real, so we can diiss them and ignore them, I’m hoping long enough for them to just burn themselves out. I have 3 emotions in my life, hate, anger and hope. I will not give up my great job, my status in the community, or my freedom. Without those things I would be dead inside anyway. I’ve told only 2 people about this, and both of them, whom I love dearly, look at me and talk to me like I’m a child. It’s horrible. As you can see, I’m loosing this war. I just wanted to see if there were other med sober sufferers out there.

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If you’re not on meds, it’s a losing battle that you’re fighting.

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welcome to the forum!

i think most people here are on meds though…

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I dont believe in meds and seek alternatives. I believe in free choice, but have been forced or coerced into awful “meds” many times. I believe in “dont do drugs” like most people. I believe lots is wrong with psychiatry, but this a pro-med only board and doesnt allow desent, otherwise I would saying all this constantly.

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I’m not on meds, and suffering alone. No one knows what I’m going through, and I know they couldn’t understand.

I too have spent a small fortune on hotel rooms when too overwhelmed. It’s not reasonable.

I don’t feel it’s a losing battle at all because I’m not on meds, but you’ll hear a lot of propaganda here. I’ve made a lot of progress in coping with my hallucinations and delusions. I don’t think not wanting to upend your life even more with some of the worst side effects I’ve ever heard of is wrong. I’m content to live without them as long as I can.

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Dont expect to get much support. Certain things are banned here from saying. I support you guys though, for what its worth.

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who says that?

I always found it quite understanding here… people always trying to help and you can be honest with what is going on…

Yeah, you can, and people do understand here. But the responses usually involve questions about meds, suggestions on talking to your Dr about meds, or them comparing what your going through with their own med regimen. It’s meds, meds, meds, all day, every day, with no solution, just a pacifier. And then they act as if answers were found, when no Dr will tell you even they have the answers.

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They banned all the people who wanted to openly discuss delusions.

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Hypocracy at its finest, and proves all of my suspicions. They’re protecting the sanctity of the societal approved methods of recovery, to the exclusion of all others. What a joke.

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yea true, but i think meds are what helps most people here too… so it’s not weird. I take my meds but i also have thoughts about the meds… i think they are being pushed so they can control me. Thing is, if i go off meds then they lock me up cause i got several healthcare people keeping a close eye on me.

But i do agree that meds are being pushed a lot here.

i’m not sure about that… did they do that?

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Of course most people here are helped by meds if they ban those who do not subscribe to the same treatment. That makes complete statistical sense. You don’t want these data points, remove them, and the data will better accommodate what you want to see.

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As someone who used to work in data analysis I find this infuriating.

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i can imagine that yea…

and i agree with your observations… if they push an agenda of the meds being the norm then it’s understandable that the stats will be pushed into the direction that they want.

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Yes, they did. Why do you think hardly anyone mentions them? Ive seen them being banned.

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that sucks =/

i haven’t seen it myself yet… but it’s totally possible.

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One of the good things about this site, is that the people on meds can see how the schizophrenics off meds are suffering and struggling or worse.

It acts as an incentive to keep taking your meds.

The people off meds can’t see this though. Lack of insight?

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I’ve noticed that more than anything else since I found the forum two weeks ago. No one talks about their delusions in any detail. It’s been boggling my mind how we’re so restricted. Aren’t the voices mods enough?

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Wow. One thing I can see, being off of meds, is the self righteousness of those on them.

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Nah, they have mostly filtered out dissenters, certain posts and posters, all kinds of things, not to mention religion and polotics from discussion.