I’m constantly being commended on how far I’ve come with my mental illness. My family is always praising me and my doctor said I “must be in the top 1 percent” of people with the illness. However, I feel like this is simplifying and somewhat trivialising the struggles that I have, and continue to go through. I come across as very well put together. I have a job and several side projects, both hobbies and professional, and I communicate very well to boot.
All of this is somewhat of a front for what’s going on in the back of my head. I still get delusions, occasional hallucinations (both auditory and visual) and can be very paranoid, anxious and depressed at times. I find it hard to talk to people about what’s going on with my mental state, because not only would they think less of me, but they often don’t believe in the severity of the symptoms and simply brush them off with a “That sucks, I hope you’ll feel better tomorrow” type of vibe.
Do you have any advice for me? Is it some sort of imposters syndrome? Dunning-Kruger effect? Have you been through a similar thing? Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
It’s the same way with me. I admit I’m doing very well today. But, over five years ago, everybody, including my pdoc and health team members, would always exclaim how well I was doing, when I was still very psychotic and sick. It always confused me because I knew I was suffering. Why didn’t they know it?
@Gochi , Now that I’m recovered, I tell those same mental health team members that they should never assume someone is well by their outward appearance or by the way they act. I tell them to wait for the patients themselves to report their perceived wellness. I tell them that they absolutely cannot tell what’s really going on in a patients head.
I was like that when I was young. I had a normal front I showed to other people, and a “behind” where I suffered quite a lot with anxiety and depression.
I think there is a healthy side to such a strategy. If you act normal and hide your symptoms, you may learn how others, neurotypicals, live their life, the rules of social behaviour and values.
On the other hand it can be dangerous, if your “behind” is growing and is suppressed, and you try to hide it and not take care of the problems because you strive to be “normal.”
The best description of ‘imposter syndrome’ that’s been said to me.
I’ve been reading your posts for some time and I think we suffer from the same kind of earthquake. The magnitude may differ, 6.5 for me, 8 for you, but in both cases we see destruction. “I can solve this, then everybody can”. “I can’t solve this then I’m stupid”.