Schizophrenia.com

Checking in. Feeling underestimated

Sometimes I think people think I’m lieing to them about my diagnosis. Sometimes, alot of times, I cope pretty well with meds. When they get to see the little crazier side of me they think that I am not smart or capable. Even after long periods of knowing me before, thinking for months I’m ok (maybe I am!)…and then the slightest shift makes them run. I have my episodes, I hide them, maybe speak about them after. Point is I bounce back and get back to normal. When I get back to normal the scar is still there and now their oppion is tainted forever. So if I am ok…I’m not really ok I just LOOK ok…
What comes after this is belittlement. Like someone is even thinking of themselves as parental figures above me. Observing me and “helping” me. Lol. The advice is funny. Explaining everyday life to me like I dont know. I’m in my 30’s. Stating obvious conclusions cause they think I’m not intelligent…because of my illness I am not smart?

Life was so much easier before. I did not have social obligation feelings before. I am also very lonely. Due to covid I have not met many people on my area. And the only company I have is fair weather friends at best.

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A lot of people with Sz/SzA think that people think they are pretending to be ill. I do this myself. However when I have tried reducing my AP, my symptoms come back.

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Thank you for your reply. I have thought maybe some of those thoughts might be paranoia maybe. But people say things to me in the lines of “you dont look schizophrenic” which I should take as a compliment…Iguess…I dont know I’m very confused about what I want from people…lol

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I don’t really know about other people’s responses. I haven’t told anyone that I’m schizophrenic except for other patients at my psychiatric clinic.

I try to tell most people if they are going to be around me. Like I wouldnt tell a store clerk. I try to get it out in the open as soon as possible so that I dont have to have any big talks later down the line. I get mixed responses. Some people dont want to hang out a second time. And the ones that do always have some weird oppion of me. They vary as well.

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I’m mainly hanging out with other patients at my psychiatric clinic. I’m 62 and live alone now. The only relatives alive that I talk to are my sister and brother-in-law. Both of my parents are dead now.

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I talk mostly to people at my clinic as well. And a few people I was in a boarding house I was in. I dont know many people where I live cause I haven’t lived here that long and covid didnt help. I also talk to my nieghbors. Regardless I spend alot of time alone. And alot of time at home. Sometimes I think people avoid me. I dont know sometimes I think I’m slipping back into isolating mainly cause I dont feel valued by anyone so far here. I am a likable person so my therapist say. Smiles! But I may talk too much also. That may be it. I dont know really…lol

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Well, you don’t seem to talk too much to me. You should come to one of my group therapies where the manic bipolar guy talks.

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Is it online? And who the bipolar guy?

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No it’s in person. The bipolar guy’s name is Tommy, and he’s usually manic when he’s at the clinic. I don’t think I’ve seen him at the clinic when he’s down.

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