The girl I joined online dating for viewed me again

The pluses with this girl are I wrote a message I stand behind regardless of mood; it could never be thrown in my face.

It still sucks that she won’t click ‘like’. To my credit in my profile I wrote I believe men and women can be platonic.

The worst part is that with my reveal of MI I may not have the power to even flatter;,only insult.

The social part of socioeconomics is actually more cutthroat, more winner take all, than the ‘econ’ part.

My ex friends report to (censored female name) because they’re “soulless” only siding with her bc she always talked to more people. I took time getting her out of my head because they blocked that dialogue. Because she’s a better catch than their wives, and they don’t want to see me THAT happy.

I wasn’t finished but I guess I got it out. We’re too competitive. And it’s a waste.

Online dating is rough. I have tried it and all I met were weirdos. Guys who were too possessive before I even met them and stuff like that. I have no advice because it confuses me but my sister met her current BF online.

Can you message this girl you like?

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Funny about my experience is my two sibs met their wife/hubby online.

And the girl who made the biggest impression in me in the real world… I oscillated/vascillated on the subject of whether men can be platonic.

And My Sz in me , made a cartoonish advance and she retreated.

But I actually don’t know if she’s protecting HER mind now.

Because in psychosis I (guilted my uncle) into getting this girl’s address and I drove cross country while hopeful and amorous.

( I know it sounds bad but I have a tendency to emit the negative stuff to build credibility.)

Point is it’s loud and memorable. More in my head, but C’mon.

Nonetheless I wrote in my dating profile I believe I’m ready to give/and receive love from the same person.

Louis C.k said brave stuff about men and women. It feels hard to reconcile sometimes. I think the amygdala is different in men and women. It’s hard to figure out on wiki but I think that’s where lust and violence are ‘found’.

I got hurt by a (man) and he’s hiding behind the fact that our most embarrassing stuff isn’t exactly admissible in courts. Not to mention I’m paranoid so who’d believe me?

There is no judgment here but just so I’m clear … you drove a long distance to find this girl while you were psychotic?

I ask this because, as a women, I actually have ideas on a way to spin this to a postive.

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I did message her though. My bro met his wife by saying ‘hey (insert name’) and that was ultimately enough! Haha. So I copied that a little. But not with this girl.

My working memory goes out sometimes but if you ever want to hear how my mirror intertwined with my trajectory in life I’m all for it. It would actually redeem me i think.

I have issues understanding things sometimes and I don’t understand your last reply. I am interested in anything you’d like to share.

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I know it has positive aspects. That’s the real reason my two childhood friends left me because there jelly of my open options.

Listen to this aspect. The girl I drove 3000 miles to “see about” to echo the great written ‘good will hunting’… had been working for a studio that was notorious for creating the more creepy modern day horror.

It was all about trust almost; and I failed. I called my mom in Vegas and the whole thing went kaput. In other words I actually think sometimes that if I went the distance I would have been accepted!!! What can I say I’ve seen too many movies.

Apologies I must have confused you for a different poster. Weren’t you the one who said you thought the mirror had a space behind it or something to that effect. (I mentioned my working memory).

No, that was me about the mirror. You have a great memory. I just have trouble interpreting longer posts. It’s part of my illness, not your writing.

I think that this girls would understand the fact that you drove 3000 miles if she understood your illness it maybe not. There’s just a big difference between being schizophrenic and being dangerous. Maybe it’s worth the crap shoot to talk openly with her?

It’s just a waste; she was a psych major and is published(writer). And I did do that grand gesture…

But I’d trade in the carnal thoughts if we could go for coffee. I mean I did pack clothes when I went to see her…haha.

I scared her too though by incessant emailing after the road trip; but I thought she was talking through the radio.

This topic is my wheelhouse. I’ll sum it up if I can… the whole thing taught me that my hope trumps my fear. Maybe I haven’t proven that but I’m not making it up.

And mirrors are dramatic topics. Affirmations are said into mirrors. I used it as epicac (to throw up; tears that is). And two years later I found an actor who capitulated so well in that way; coupled with the ideomotor topic and/ or coordination disorder that he seemingly could use; or wag the body of?

Do you understand most of this?

dude. mirrors suck.

If she’s a psych major that’s maybe better. Does she know your’e ill? My husband has been in a little denial of my diagnosis but he’s aware of my voices and my delusions. We’re working through the details but he’s awareness of me being ill makes me seem less like a threat if that makes sense.

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Yes definitely. It’s hard to mature in a vacuum, for me. Still, I’m gaining some life experience and feel compassion toward this person. As though she’s wounded too (I was taught not to say ‘damaged’).

Did I hear you right that you have teen children?

I’m really comfortable with flattery… maybe it’s because thinking on my feet out there is a deficit. Normally you approach it in a more round about way, ideally.

(But I have agnostic Christ type aspects.) (He was single.) And my uncle once said in a brief email to me he took a course in college on the “life of Christ”. I wonder sometimes why he chose that to say to me in a brief email.

Christ type is straight out of a Arcade Fire.

I’m just going to be honest. If a man I didn’t know drove 3,000 miles to see me without my invitation I would be scared he was unstable.

Then if he bombarded me with emails afterwards I would definitely feel like it was going towards stalking.

I think it’s too intense. Learn to take things one step at a time so you don’t scare the girl off

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Well she inherited my two friends. We were once a circle of friends.

Do you think it’s ok that she didn’t place a call to tell me to turn around? Nor her folks who were in touch with mine.
It coincided with me running away from my parents. I mean there’s a font of things you don’t know.

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@pianogirl

Seriously your blowback to what I (albeit mistakenly) view as important memories is way off base/out of line. I’m still able to take pride that I made the round trip.

Many men like me, dreamers, would have fried the engine. I got pneumonia. I spent 2500 bucks on gas.

I got mine is what I’m saying. And the woman in question honestly is probably on the narcissism spectrum - I’m sure she found gratification from the admiration. And Sz have a troubled way of getting in (their) orbit.

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Yeah I have teenage children (&%*# your memory is on point).
Yes! The whole scenario seems very much like a stalker. But idk if this is a stalker scenario. That’s why I’m asking if she know about the schizophrenia.

We have issues. I just think maybe honesty might help :woman_shrugging:

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The most constructive thing was when I said I don’t know if she’s “protecting her mind.”

That speaks.

In other words isn’t she being extreme/cartoonish and how can she be so sure she won’t regret her choices?

(But yes I did share the schizophrenia diagnosis earlier on)

I started this thread meaning well/being healthy. it was about the future. But the year I went off meds; the psychosis… the “cannonball run”(I think that’s the term)… it’s hard to file away.

I’ll end on a musical note: I stayed up late the other night. I keyed up Steve Winwood’s ‘Valerie.‘

It took better meaning to me recently when I learned the words actually are “Now she can’t be that warm; with the wind in her arms’. I never knew the right words but it’s an improvement.

I guess bearing my soul it feels like gender frustration… in that this girl doesn’t need a man; and I’m lost without a woman.

And worse: Neil Young enters the picture too. As in “A man needs a maid”. But that’s just me being super hard on myself.

You can be “great”… while I’m colored as “grand”. Or worse, the dreaded word, (grandeur).

I get Vito Corleone(a warm movie, with guns and death of loved ones).

Or Neo. Where the hand of God (there’s a cinema word for it) helps out. As if the Jesus parallels weren’t already hitting us over the head.

You get Alice, which is colorful ‘wonderful’ and much more socially acceptable.

Or best yet … you have Ripley who knocks down what nightmares are made of. Probably a more solid gift to the feminine than you’ve ever realized or identified.

This is sort of why I relate (right or wrong).

Tell me what you thought though(your ideas) on how to spin my ‘past’ as a positive.

The woman in question is connected well… couldn’t/shouldn’t I be plugged back into the social pipeline?)

@anon64158233, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. You’re right, I didn’t know she knew you were coming. It was wrong of her to lead you on like that. That must have hurt deeply

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