Thank you for your constant, nonjudgmental, undeserved, pursuing, forgiving, and patient kindness. When I can, I will thank each of you individually.
I’m sorry I have not reciprocated your generosity. I’ve longed to. You’ve been on my heart. I’ve immersed myself in your posts, anxiously scouring your words, aching for you. I’ve been unable to articulate responses (with few exceptions in moments of brevity). But though you did not hear from me, I am confident in the One who did, as I cried out for you and sought your welfare.
I love you.
Here is a glimpse of my struggles. The expected issues, such as positive and negative symptoms, are not listed, but they are indeed plaguing my mind and body.
We are in debt. I can not work, though I want to. I was denied disability, and I am too incompetent to appeal.
We cannot afford health insurance. My husband makes too much to receive Medicare or for my children to go on chip. I’m terrified that I have two toddlers without health insurance.
I spend too much time on the couch. My kids need more from me. My husband needs more from me. My family and friends need more from me.
My husband and my parents have tension in their relationship, straining my relationships with each of them and causing my children distress. They miss their grandparents.
My husband canceled our upcoming (we were supposed to leave on Saturday) nine day vacation at my parents’ beach house. I needed that time away. My kids needed that time away. It was free. We will now spend nine days alone in our two bedroom apartment. My kids are missing Summer. I wanted to at least give them that week. I wanted them to feel fresh air and play and be outside. I wanted them to exercise. I wanted to love on them. My husband wants to make it up to us by doing day trips, but we can not afford that and the increased debt will only cause more problems.
I was too unstable for intensive outpatient treatment and had to stop. My ocd remains severe without progress or recovery.
My psychiatrist will want to add medication. We can not afford it, and we can not afford the health insurance to pay for it.
I have a volunteer gig lined up for Fridays from 9:30-5:00. I often do not go, or I leave early because of dissociating, cognitive impairment, anxiety, and lack of reason, logic, and rational thinking.
Basic life skills are hard for me lately. Cooking anything, including frozen meals, is often too difficult as I can not follow the directions.
I feel constant guilt. I feel guilt as a wife and Mama. I feel guilt as a daughter, sister, aunt, niece, and cousin. I feel guilt as a friend, patient, and counselee. And I feel guilt that I am not supporting you all as you do me. I am not reciprocating your kindness. It is better to give than to receive. I want to give you love. And I do through prayer. But I want to express love through support and words for you. I fall short.
It breaks my heart that you are so hard on yourself. I’m like that too. We set impossible standards for ourselves that no one could ever reach.
You’re a good person. If someone was talking about you the way you talk about yourself, I’d have words with them. You deserve to love yourself. You have a ton of value. I know it gets hard to see it, but you are such a wonderful, kind person.
You’re going through a rough patch financially, but the amount of money you have doesn’t equal the amount of value you have.
Please be kind to yourself. If you’re anything like me then that’s the hardest thing anyone could ask of you, but the more you try the better you get it at. Loving yourself is like anything else, it takes practice.
Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, say two positive things about yourself immediately.
I’m sorry that I haven’t been for you at thiat moment,but I think you are positive force in universe.If you remember,I made a special post about four women here who are struggling,one was you.Thanks @FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter for showing up again and not doing anything to harm your self.
Friend, you’re wonderful. You’re way too generous in your words towards me. I could never live up to your expectations. Your support moves me. THANK YOU!
Appealing is easier than you think. Get a disability attorney to do it for you. You won’t have to do the work. The lawyer will do it for you. They may have you sign some forms though. And they’ll ask you questions to know what your disability is and who your drs are. But I assure you, they do the work for you. They don’t charge you unless you win. Then they take a small percentage of your back pay. You won’t even notice it’s gone.
You are very helpful to others on this site so stop worrying about that.
I feel sorry for you, your system it’s so unfair to those who need help the most…
With that said, do the best you can and explain to those who love you the most what stops you from being what you want to be, you didn’t choose to be ill. Do what you can and hope that your closed ones understand that you are trying. If there’s a will there’s a way
Please let yourself be on the receiving end by asking your friends and family to help you out at this point in your life. Obviously, you are not in any place to be even thinking of helping them. Don’t turn the tables on yourself. You are the needy right now. You must accept that.
I remember how nice you have been to people who needed to talk or write. I hope your personal stresses will lessen. I wish I knew what to say about the severe financial problems. Maybe if you are poor enough (less than $2,000) you could get Medicaid. I don’t know.
I’m so sorry that you are in such a hard time and your mental health is in such a bad state. I wish your parents can give you and your children some tangible support while hopefully your husband will struggle through this rough time. I am not religious so I’m not sure if your church -going will give you the strength and spirit you need. When I was in rough time usually the ancient sages’ book (Taoism) gives me wisdom, strength and hope to withstand the hardship.
Hey, my friend. You are a lovely and a beautiful person and a kind soul. Please do not be despondent nor weary- I am sure that it will work out and you will be able to get through this. I believe in you and you got this!!
This is one place that you don’t have to feel guilt for that. Things go in cycles; just accept everybody’s support for you now and don’t worry about helping us back. You’ll feel better in awhile and when you do, you can get back in the swing of things and offer support as usual.
