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I filled out my disability paperwork today. It took me hours. I read, “send this back in ten days or we could deny you benefits”. It was postmarked May 23.
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Tomorrow I have a funeral to go to. It will be very crowded. I will only know a handful of people.
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My counselor didn’t call me today, without explanation. He’s counseled me for four and a half years and has never missed an appointment. I’m worried he’s dead.
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Without counseling, I become confused and overwhelmed by my thoughts. I can’t tell what is true and not. I can’t tell who is real and not.
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I lost nine pounds. I worked so hard. I’m gaining it back. I’ve gained back 6 pounds. I suck as a person. I can’t even take a walk. I literally don’t move at all. I become winded and sore from standing to unload and load the dishwasher.
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I’m going to receive iv ketamine treatment. I need to line up child care and rides for two weeks. When can I fit this in? What if I have an adverse reaction? What if it doesn’t work?
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I have no motivation to do anything. It all feels hard.
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We’re thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. Five years ago when we married, I had $90,000 in the bank account because I was saving for a house. We never bought the house. We live on the third floor in a two bedroom apartment. The money is gone and still going. I can’t work. I cause my husband to miss work all the time.
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My clothes don’t fit. We don’t have money to buy new clothes. We’re supposed to go on vacation with my family. (My parents are paying for it.) What will I wear?
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I messed up at intensive outpatient program. There were too many misunderstandings and disagreements with the therapists. My parents spent $20,000 on it. I messed it all up.
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I’m backsliding with my ocd. I wasn’t at a good place to begin with. We’ve lived in our apartment for three years. No one has ever been in. My kids have never showed their toys or beds or books to anyone, including their grandparents. Now, I can’t even touch the faucet in my own bathroom with my bare hand again. I’m back to using a paper towel.
Oh, @FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter, you sound like you’re in a very bad place. I will pray for you.
For exercise I suggest a secondhand recumbent bike that you can watch TV in front of. Time will fly and you’ll get some cardio. I got mine for $25.
Also if you’re in debt maybe a vacation is ill timed. Maybe a stay-cation is better?
Best of luck with your troubles.
I’m so sorry this is happening all at once @FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter If you really start to freak out you can talk to us or call a crisis hotline. If you have family and or friends you could tell them you need extra support right now.
We hear you. It’s really a struggle. But you will find the way out of this swamp. Hang in there.
Hey, come on now. Don’t get so down on yourself. We can work this out together, alright?
Now, I know absolutely nothing about disability, but don’t panic. There are plenty of steps to take before panic is justified. Have you contacted the social security office? I can ask my mom about this tomorrow, as she’s good with law.
My condolences. I’m so sorry to hear that your loved one has passed away. Get to the funeral venue early and choose a place to sit, then contact some of the people that you do know and have them find and sit with you.
There are several possible reasons that your counselor didn’t call you today. Perhaps there was some sort of personal emergency. Maybe someone was in crisis. You’re paying, so you have a right to know if your appointment has been cancelled, but I suggest emailing him, not freaking out about his possible death.
What tools have you learned that help when you’re around others? They’ll work with anyone, not just your counselor. Look for other clues too. Is anyone else reacting to or interacting with a possible hallucination? Is the possible hallucination wearing appropriate clothing for the event or situation? Is the possible hallucination following you around?
Well, you lost the 9lbs the first time, so you can just do it again, don’t you think? There’s no set limit on how many times you can attempt to get healthier. Perhaps it would help to do one thing at a time. What’s more pressing for you, your size, your nutrition, or your fitness? Pick one and start there. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
The clothes don’t have to be new. Go to a thrift store and pick up a few outfits there. Swim in some shorts and a sports bra, see about your entire household piling together all of the stuff they don’t use and the clothes they don’t wear and selling some of them.
I fail to understand how their disagreements are your fault. Mental illnesses don’t fit into neat little boxes with bows on top. You have OCD, yes, but you also have schizophrenia, and like it or not, those two disorders are not treated in the same manner. Seeking reassurance about an obsession isn’t the same thing as reality checking a delusion or hallucination. With OCD, you know that your obsessions are ridiculous, whereas with schizophrenia, a delusional belief that your dog is an evil alien from a distant planet sent to spy on humanity makes just as much sense as the belief that 1 + 1 = 2. So no, I don’t blame you for screwing up the IOP, and you shouldn’t blame yourself either. They are being completely ridiculous, unreasonable, and unprofessional.
Yeah, that’s because your OCD isn’t being treated. It’s a mental illness too, and you need help controlling it. What does your pdoc say about all of this? Do they have any suggestions? The gold standard treatment for OCD is ERP, but I believe that there are other methods. I know that some people stand by ACT, and others just CBT alone. I do believe that there are quite a few OCD therapists that do online sessions if you’re interested in that. 
Can I have an advice for you?
If you don’t see the dirt by your eyes then neglect your soul which knows the dirt is there,
I use faucet in toilet to wash myself and then I wash my hands with water and soup,
Wish you the best,
@Sardonic
GIRL!! I read this hours ago well into the night, in between heaving from being so stressed out! I’ve been without words, just incredibly overwhelmed and burdened. You and your words were an answer to my prayer! You should be a health care worker - the medical field NEEDS you!! Thank you for taking the time, consideration, and kindness to break this down and speak to my thoughts. You carried my burdens!! You made everything feel more simple and less threatening! I keep reading your post again and again as the anxiety swarms in and around me! THANK YOU!!
Holy crap, that was the most helpful post I’ve ever read!! Wooo! Go you!!!
I found a cool website today that might help you out. https://www.ambient-mixer.com/ You can play different ambient sounds like rain or whale noises. Maybe take some time away from the internet and just listen to it. Relaxing away from all these distractions can be quite helpful.
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