Work & Social Anxiety

School and Work
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I’m stuck in a place where I haven’t proven I can maintain a full-time job, paying enough to live independently. I quit my job today after just three days of toughing it out. I was learning how to load referrals for home health agencies as a data entry process. The company wasn’t that big (I saw maybe 100+ people), but it was enough to overwhelm me socially. I drove 40 minutes this morning, just to end up crying in my car in the parking lot trying to convince myself I could go back in and pretend I’m happy saying good morning to the receptionist and my trainer and other new employee. Pretend to be well and social to keep the conversation going for 8 hours, but I couldn’t. I called my mom and told her I couldn’t go in. She prayed and tried to convince me that I could do it, but I couldn’t and she was supportive of my decision to come home.
I really want to move out and be independent to finally have true introverted solace and good seclusion to help understand myself and grow, but I keep failing on these full-time jobs. I hate mornings. I’m so depressed when I wake up, no matter how prepard I am. I cannot go back to back to a 9-5. My energy just hasn’t proven it so. The longest job I’ve ever stayed on was 9 months, data entry because the company was smaller, I could go to my car on breaks and lunch without a receptionist or anyone seeing me. I could do my work there completely independently even though I sat next to people. I quit when they moved my seat next to the queen of talking person at the job. Being social is just SUPER HARD for me. It triggers me deeply no matter how much I smile or can relate to another with some conversation.

As I was sitting in my car deciding to quit this morning, I immediately called up this place, Magnolia Clubhouse. I’m going to this place tomorrow for a tour and orientation. They help people with mental illnesses get transitional employment, volunteering, and regular employment. They do other beneficial fun stuff and serve meals. I’ve been procrastinating going to this place for almost two year, but I’m finally giving in. I need help. The lady on the phone recommended I do part-time work. I agreed. I’m also want to try third shift or evening shift work. Anything to keep away from so many people and that morning sadness.

The problem is though, that I reallllly want to live on my own, but part time work will most likely not support that. :\ I hope I can find something that will help me out though.

Please share your story/experience or advise please. :slight_smile:

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It sounds like something good and positive came out of the experience if you’re going to that clubhouse place. That place could really help.

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Just because you can’t work full time now doesn’t mean you will never be able to. The whole point of the clubhouse seems to be to prepare you to eventually be successful at a full time job so you can live as independently as possible.

When I went back to work, I started out just a few hours a week. Slowly, I got used to that, and then worked my way up to full time hours. It is a process, and it takes time.

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Everhopeful you are right. It helps so much to look at it from that perspective. Now I don’t feel so bad about my decision. I hadn’t thought about it like that. I should see it as a good thing.

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I’ve worked mostly unskilled, no-experience necessary jobs for almost 30 years with paranoid schizophrenia. The beauty of having jobs like janitorial, stocking shelves or assembly is that in these jobs I do not have to talk much or be very skilled at socializing unless I want to be. The worst thing about this is that people might think I’m a little weird, or abnormally quiet but that’s OK. At these jobs socializing is not part of my job duties.

Part-time work sounds like a good idea for you. It will take the pressure off of you. There needs to be a balance between pushing yourself and setting realistic goals. Its great to dream big but as people with schizophrenia we have to know for ourselves that it is going to get in the way of succeeding sometimes. I don’t mean give up but don’t set yourself up for failure either. You put out good effort, you should be proud of yourself. Maybe you learned a good life lesson with this whole job thing.

Life goes on.

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Thank you[quote=“Ninjastar, post:3, topic:75208, full:true”]
Just because you can’t work full time now doesn’t mean you will never be able to. The whole point of the clubhouse seems to be to prepare you to eventually be successful at a full time job so you can live as independently as possible.

When I went back to work, I started out just a few hours a week. Slowly, I got used to that, and then worked my way up to full time hours. It is a process, and it takes time.
[/quote]

Thank you. Yes, I really truly want to live on my own. Hopefully I can be patient within this clubhouse experience and work my way up to that. I’m glad you were able to find a way to work that’s right for you.

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Thank you. I have some denial issues with my schizophrenia. In mind I seem to deny what I’ve experienced with psychosis is real part of my illness. It’s like I’m delusional about having delusions. Especially since I was dating someone that kept telling me I didn’t have schizophrenia(sza) and that my crying spells and depressed symptoms were just me being childish and that I wasn’t “mastering the war within.” Also the people closest to me, the only people I really talk to: my parents don’t understand hardly anything about my illness. And it’s so sad because I can’t explain every torturous delusion or ideation I have to them so they would know why I hurt so much. I get really down thinking about how I’m different and emotionally not so stable as others. I believe this is why this forum is so important. People with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder know the depths of how scary and bad things can be for us so we deeply empathize with each other. I love and appreciate this.

I do have sort of grandiose job dreams. I have been putting immense pressure on myself about working. At this point, I see it would help to make smaller more realistic goals. I was just thinking about a job I passed up awhile ago that was stocking health and beauty products in a grocery store. I would love that, but I fear possibly having to be available for customer service and cashiering, but I have faith something I can do will come through. Thanks again.

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Well good luck, stick around here for advice and support. By the way, you sound like a pretty intelligent gal. I hope you use it to your advantage as often as you can. Not everybody is blessed with brains. (except me and you of courser, lol).

Anyways, yes, I bet that a lot of people here can relate to lot of what you say. Living with schizophrenia is all about compromise. You learn your limits and weaknesses and strengths and live your life accordingly. Make use of whatever help you can get. I guess most of what I’m saying is generic or common sense. I write my story often on here. A bare bones version is that I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980 at age 19. I’m 55 now. I spent my first two years with schizophrenia going through hell.

At age 19 I moved into a group home. i couldn’t function and I had nothing. I was 19 and I had no job, no school, no friends, no school, no car, no money. Nothing. I went through hell for that year. I was delusional and I suffered every minute of every day for a year. i did not get better there. From there my parents put me in a locked psychiatric hospital at the suggestion of doctors. That hospital was another 8 months of hell. I showed no improvement there either. I was put on a huge dose of meds. My dose was so big that they don’t even give that amount of that medication anymore to anyone.

I was a pretty naive 20 year old thrown in with criminals, people who had lived on the streets, older somewhat frightening women and all of us were completely out of our minds. It was quite an experience believe me. But I survived. After 8 months I was released and I moved into a nice group home. My situation and my mental health improved, probably due to the fact that I was now in a safe, modern home, in an affluent neighborhood in an affluent city with nice, tree lined streets, and a beautiful calm downtown area to take walks in and get a an ice cream cone occasionally.

I can’t tell a whole 36 year bout with schizophrenia in one paragraph, but basically, after 9 months in my new surroundings I got a job. Eventually i moved into semi-independent living. I got a car. i enrolled myself in school. I made a couple of friends. I started doing fun things. I went places. My mental illness was still pretty horrible but tolerable.

I’m 55 now and I’m looking back on being almost steadily employed for 30 years at various jobs. I have had my own cars since 1995. I lived on my own for 25 years. I need just three classes for my college degree. I have had tons of fun and traveled a little. My symptoms have abated in many ways with age which happens to a lot of people. I have often captured that elusive state called happiness and calmness. It hasn’t been easy for me to do these things but all the effort I had put into my recovery when I was young like taking my medication religiously, seeing therapists and doctors routinely, enduring the hospitals, going to the group therapy and support groups, following the directions and advice of all the people who wanted to help me. I am seeing all the fruition of my efforts now.

On a personal level, I am growing and becoming more mature. I like myself often. I am curious about life and other people. I was a reasonably nice kid as I grew up but I was mean to some people and I got in trouble with law occasionally. All that is behind me. I’m now a nice, tax-paying, good citizen and I try not to bother anyone unless they bother me first. I have caught up to the “normal” people in many ways after being missing in action for many years.

What else can I say except there is hope for us. We do not always have to lose and we can carve ourselves a little niche in life. I hope you get something out of this and I hope things work out for you. You have to work at your recovery but what you do now and the efforts you put out now if they are the right things will pay off for you in your future. Good luck and don’t be afraid to have a little fun occasionally!! Life is not all dire crisis’s and suffering. There’s good stuff out there along withe bad. See you around.

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<3 thank you for your lovely reply. It was nice to read how far you’ve come. I’m so glad you are doing well now! See you around :slight_smile:

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I don’t know if it helps but I remember working in the past with a guy who couldn’t stand other people in the office. He used a computer in another room which he had to free up if there was an appointment. When I talked to him he said that he doesn’t like to be around people. He was very open about it also with his boss. She appreciated him nevertheless as he was good at his job. Everybody was making jokes in the office that he was antisocial but secretly admired his assertiveness to work in conditions which suited him best. I don’t say to be open from the beginning but maybe in a future job when you show that you are a valuable employee you can request a more solitary environment for yourself? It can be tricky of course, depended on the boss you have, if they are understanding… anyhow good luck and well done with finding another job so quickly. Don’t give up😊

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Thanks Lara! That was a good story to read. I haven’t found another job yet, but I’m hoping the clubhouse will help me do that and also maybe help with some accommodations. :slight_smile:

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Thanks for sharing your story @ShaniceNavy. Its a tough decision that you had to make. I hope you get a different shift at your next job. Or if this a med issue, a change or addition in medication that will take away the grogginess…

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Thank you Skims for your kind words. It was very difficult. It may be a med issue. I’m taking the max of Latuda and I’m scared to try a new antipsychotic. The voices come back faintly when I get really emotional or stressed out which is often throughout the day. I was blocking out this reality.

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Perhaps try an anxiolytic? I am taking Cipralex for my anxiety and I managed to work full time for 3 weeks. Just recently went back to work and now I might be offered a full time job permanently.

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Hey, I know how you feel. Although what I have isn’t as bad as social anxiety, I get uncomfortable around people who I’m expected to talk to but don’t yet have rapport with. If they’re really high energy, that makes me uncomfortable too.

I worked in an office last year for 3 months and it was do-able because my small team was really cool, introverted, and gave me my space. I quit because the job wasn’t challenging and didn’t use the knowledge and experience I acquired from school and other projects.

Then, I went to work for another company, and that environment was really high energy, and I got pretty uncomfortable, felt out of place and quit within 3 weeks even though it was more interesting work. In such environments, I feel like I owe people something - hard to explain.

The job I’m doing now, messenger courier work is very do-able. I drive most of the time and get brief social interactions with people when I get them to sign for receiving the package. If an interaction was uncomfortable, I’m back in the car shortly.

What I’m getting to is maybe there’s a similar job that you could do that you’d be alone for most of the time, and ideally an activity you enjoy doing alone so it’s not boring or frustrating and only have to interact with people briefly. Security guard also comes to mind…

Problem for me now is my driving job isn’t mentally stimulating enough, and I’m thinking about biting the bullet and going back to web office work. To be honest also although it is more uncomfortable to be around people all day, I feel like I grow more in such environments because I am facing my fears, and there’s a purpose to that for me - my recovery.

Anyway, its admirable that you want to live be on your own and provide for yourself, I hope you find something that is tolerable, even if it’s a stepping stone back to something you’re more passionate about that involves being around eek… people.

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That is such good news Imperius. I hope you get the permanent position. BEST of luck!

I will ask my pdoc about the anxiolytic!

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Thanks for your response. This really resonates with me! I get anxious/nervous and easily agitated with high energy people and ones that talk so much. I know they’re usually good people just like us, but it’s hard for me to think of quick responses like them without me saying something brainless or uncalled for. Also usually if they’re fast and longer winded, by the time they’re done talking, I can’t remember what I want to say which leads me to rudely overtalk people, but it’s only because I was so anxious and didn’t want to forget what I wanted to say. I also have problems with eye contact.

I love talking with people who speak with feeling and depth…at a much slower pace…

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