I am required to complete 30 hours worth of Continuing Education (CE) credits per year to maintain my license Iām working towards. I managed to pick up 19 today alone and it only took me 7 hours to do it in (the courses are rated by difficulty, not actual time measured completing them).
At this rate Iāll have my entire yearās worth of CEās completed by tomorrow.
from the looks of that list, it seems your license is for a specialization in automobile insurance. 
Iāll be doing commercial lines, so it will involve some auto and Iāll have to be able to back up the folks in the personal lines department. The L1 exam focuses pretty heavily on SPF1, the most widely used form in my province.
Now if I could just get my brain to shut off so I can go to bed.
Le sigh.
yeah thatās hard for me too. itās 2:20am now. my sleep schedule is freaked up.
It must be hard to take all those tests when the beaver they were written on keeps movingā¦and the dam tapioca pen keeps running and the moose your riding keeps eating the answersā¦and what with the snow trolls attackingā¦you sir are a trooperā¦as is tradition in Canananadaā¦
Iām scared of moosesā¦meeseā¦moosiā¦multiple mooseā¦
Hey Pixel, I work in insurance too, workerās comp. I have neurotypicals asking me for my answer sheets in our assessments too.
Good luck with the new job.
I donāt know how you guys work. I donāt hear voices. Iām not delusional, but the fallout from having had 8 psychotic episodes has left me afraid to go to public places. Itās been years since I actually went out and socialized with regular people. Before my illness I used to gobble neuro typicals whole and spit out their bones.
How is your concentration?
How is your ability to follow instructions? These, and social skills, are skills that neurotypicals learn at an early age. We usually unlearn it due to psychosis. Donāt give up because, like other skills, these skills like socialization can be learned through diligent study.
I think if youāre not psychotic at the moment, but you have fear, maybe an anti-anxiety med and some group therapy?
Group therapy is pretty good for getting back to being socialized in a safe setting (albeit it, once I was in group with a few ex-felons and one nearly threw a chair and I had a panic attackābut that likely wonāt happen at your therapy center (mine was for intensive outpatient care, majority of whom were ex-felons (I had 0 records on my criminal background at the time, but whatever, it worked for me). I am not a fan of therapy myself, but I have to admit that it did socialize me back to a quasi-normal state, so maybe you will like it!
Also, maybe start small with socialization? I remember for me it was anxiety producing, just talking to the cashier at the store. I practiced it, though. Learned when to make eye contact, when not to, how to be polite and not over-talk, stuff like that, mostly through trial and error (for example, I noticed that if i kept talking, sometimes the other person would touch their neck or nose. I googled it and found that it is common for people who are uncomfortable to touch their heads in terms of body language).
Best wishes!
Thanks @HQuinn. I think youāre right about all of those things. I just started to feel like my lights are coming back on, I have s tremendous amount of anxiety and most of it is around having been psychotic, or becoming psychotic again.
I also have a lot of emotional trauma or inability to experience pleasure, loss of confidence. Loss of self esteem and so on. My only concern about what you said is pretty basic. Iām like, whatās the point?
Whatās the point if I have a psychotic illness? Why try? Iām just gonna end up psychotic or in the hospital again. Thatās my concern. If I had only had one break with reality I may be able to shrug it off and laugh uncomfortably about it. But Iāve had 8 over a fifteen year period. I have so much to learn about life, there is so much awesome stuff going on in the world and I had to get burdened with this horrible illness. Whatās the point?is all I keep thinking. Iām damaged, Iām mentally ill. No different from a crazy old man that sits on a park bench with a fur hat on in the summertime. I see people who look āoddā. Every day and I canāt believe that I am one of them. Iām sorry if this is totally negative but I canāt help it. This illness is very very scary
You know, @velociraptor, the whole point of you taking this job was so you could take it easy for a bit. Iām impressed with everything youāve accomplished, but you can stress your heart out just as much sitting at a desk if you run at 110% every waking hour.
I USTA set records at workā¦and teach my new bosses not just the run down but how to work the computer side of thingsā¦I could reprogram my robot welder despite not being shown and doing the job of someone who made triple what I didā¦they used meā¦put way more responsibility on me than I was being paid forā¦over stressed me and disregarded me when I couldnāt function anymoreā¦I was once told to take another coworker to the side and tell him he needed to shower because his smell was affecting the people around himā¦he criedā¦they laughed at himā¦I died a little more on the insideā¦
In parts of Alaska USA the old ladies spend their time picking up moose poop off the ground, drilling holes into it and make āauthenticā Alaskan jewelry for all the unsuspecting tourists. 
Run along and check out your momās jewlery collection to see if there any shiny brown moose turd earrings with matching necklaces in there.
It sounds like youāve lost your hope.
Iām sorry you have little hope for the future in terms of independence and stability!
It was hard to build my hope back up, too, as I remember thinking the same thing for many years.
Hereās a compilation video of speeches on building hope, maybe one will stand out to you 
āHe said to me, āsomebodyās opinion of you does not have to become your reality.āā --2:36 minutes in
I was that coworker : |
A W K W A R D
just kidding.
if anything I feel that the boss shouldāve talked to him about it; because at the end of the day, if he didnāt take your advice seriously, the boss wouldāve had to talk with him. but yeah, not much you can do when your boss tells you to do stuff and you need to keep your job. sorry flame.
but Iāve had worse anyhow, because I didnāt even have a job. I went to a job interview one time, at a Macys. when I was waiting in the HR office, I heard some office lady whispering to the front desk person: āwhy is that guy here?ā I swear she even pointed at me. maybe that was normal. but I just felt a very strong scorn from her, like she was hoping to call security on me.
anyway, I met the interviewer without āformalā clothing and the interviewer pretty much measured me by my get-up. I was thinking, ādude, I dress however the freak I want.ā And at the time, I wasnāt getting SSI or any income, so I didnāt have anything more formal to wear, other than a very old tight black pants (almost feminine) and an old pink yellow-stained church shirt.
I honestly donāt think Iāll ever be hired in a heavily social workplace, which sucks because I live in the city.
Stressed heart = chest pain, which is NOTICEABLY reduced. Besides, I transferred most of my stress to you and the Dream Team before Xmas. You (the person with the sore delete button)ā¦
Moi:
Now I get to spend my time doing things I like: Kicking ass on tests and practicing piano.
Oh, and abusing my Keurig.
(SLURP)
Haha fair enough!
There is rest in motion and motion in rest.
To be still and still moving. That is everything! - Right?
Totally possible to be engaged and relaxed at the same time. That should be one of the major aims of all spirituality.
Hopefully, you will find that equilibrium and keep it!
