Tell Me a Lame Joke

I’m an encyclopedia of bad jokes in case any of you haven’t noticed. When I was young I used to hang out at the Comedy Clubs and sell my jokes for 10 dollars…I got quite a few takers.

Q: Why did the millennial not cross the road?

A: Because he was too lazy to walk and his Uber driver never showed up.

(Okay. I just made that one up! I’m an old guy who loves teasing millennials)

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Why the old guy is hard on other people?

Cause he can’t get hard himself

I just made that out

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra

What do you call a moose who is obsessed with long term relationships?

Monogamoose(’:

What’s marios favorite website?
Yahoo

How do you find will smith in the snow?

you search for fresh prints.

What do you call a crime solving alligator?

An investigator.

What do you call an alligator that reads maps?

A navigator.

i have a million more but i’ll stahp now . all my jokes are lame. it’s a gift

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Did you hear about the truck of viagra that got hijacked?

The police are looking for 3 hardened criminals…

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Who can expect stiff sentences…

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But I am not sure if it will stand up in court…

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This is the only joke I can remember right now. It is lame!

Is your refrigerator running?
(Yes)
Then go catch it!

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How do you get an elephant in a Safeway cart?
You take the s out of safe and the f out of way

Read this aloud

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Did you hear about the boat that sunk carrying loads of marijuana?
It’s a chronic problem.
No that’s not seaweed.
Talk about high tide.

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What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonkey.

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Ha! When I was in fourth grade we used that joke to make prank phone calls to miscellaneous strangers. Or, call a liquor store and ask if they have Prince Albert in a can. When they answer “Yes”, we said, “Well, let him out”.

We were friggin comedy geniuses.

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So. So you’ve done it? Wink Wink nudge nudge Say no more. Say no more.

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77nick77! You’re awesome man. Just thought I’d remind you.

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Thanks! You’re awesome for saying that.

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when it wears off they will both be going down lol

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Why did the golfers wear two pairs of pants?

Because he made a hole in one :drum:

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When you go outside you can look in.

Doesn’t lame mean disabled? It’s not good to make jokes about the disabled.

My joke:
Two young girls are opening a fridge full of stuff. One of them asks: what should we eat today? The other girl answers, FOOD!

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@Andrey that’s an antiquated slang term. Nowadays, lame just means “uncool.”

My favorite lame jokes:

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AHHHH!!! A talking muffin!!!”

What’s the latest music craze in the ocean?
Bubble Rap!

I’m so charitable. I’m giving away my old batteries, free of charge!

What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop!

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