I’m an encyclopedia of bad jokes in case any of you haven’t noticed. When I was young I used to hang out at the Comedy Clubs and sell my jokes for 10 dollars…I got quite a few takers.
Q: Why did the millennial not cross the road?
A: Because he was too lazy to walk and his Uber driver never showed up.
(Okay. I just made that one up! I’m an old guy who loves teasing millennials)
Why the old guy is hard on other people?
Cause he can’t get hard himself
I just made that out
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
What do you call a moose who is obsessed with long term relationships?
Monogamoose(’:
What’s marios favorite website?
Yahoo
How do you find will smith in the snow?
you search for fresh prints.
What do you call a crime solving alligator?
An investigator.
What do you call an alligator that reads maps?
A navigator.
i have a million more but i’ll stahp now . all my jokes are lame. it’s a gift
Did you hear about the truck of viagra that got hijacked?
The police are looking for 3 hardened criminals…
Who can expect stiff sentences…
But I am not sure if it will stand up in court…
This is the only joke I can remember right now. It is lame!
Is your refrigerator running?
(Yes)
Then go catch it!
How do you get an elephant in a Safeway cart?
You take the s out of safe and the f out of way
Read this aloud
Did you hear about the boat that sunk carrying loads of marijuana?
It’s a chronic problem.
No that’s not seaweed.
Talk about high tide.
What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A wonkey.
Ha! When I was in fourth grade we used that joke to make prank phone calls to miscellaneous strangers. Or, call a liquor store and ask if they have Prince Albert in a can. When they answer “Yes”, we said, “Well, let him out”.
We were friggin comedy geniuses.
So. So you’ve done it? Wink Wink nudge nudge Say no more. Say no more.
77nick77! You’re awesome man. Just thought I’d remind you.
Thanks! You’re awesome for saying that.
when it wears off they will both be going down lol
Why did the golfers wear two pairs of pants?
Because he made a hole in one 
When you go outside you can look in.
Doesn’t lame mean disabled? It’s not good to make jokes about the disabled.
My joke:
Two young girls are opening a fridge full of stuff. One of them asks: what should we eat today? The other girl answers, FOOD!
@Andrey that’s an antiquated slang term. Nowadays, lame just means “uncool.”
My favorite lame jokes:
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AHHHH!!! A talking muffin!!!”
What’s the latest music craze in the ocean?
Bubble Rap!
I’m so charitable. I’m giving away my old batteries, free of charge!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop!