Schizophrenia.com

Bad Joke thread

Post your funny, stupid, and goofy jokes here. I’ll start off with two.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet.

What noise does a train make when it eats?
Chew chew.

5 Likes

What did the computer say when it became impatient?
“Session expired” or “Timeout error”.

1 Like

I was sitting on a newspaper in the subway, a man sitting across from me asked, “Are you reading that paper?” I said “Yes”, then stood up turned the page and sat back down.

5 Likes

Only joke I know is

Why couldn’t Hellen Keller drive?

Cuz she was a woman

1 Like

You were turning the page :monkey:

Why did the boy take a pencil to bed? So he could draw the curtains

1 Like

why did the chicken cross the road?

idk it was a fkn chicken!

‘que laughter’ :confused:

what did that fat man say tho the skinny man?

do you want some!

:no_mouth:

why is toothpaste in a tube?

because…

it was made that way lol

:dizzy_face:

i could go on all day

Why can’t you tell a joke about the Guyana massacre? the punch line is too long…bad joke of the day. haha

1 Like

My mom put a pot w flowers in it on top of her head & said,“I’m a blooming idiot.” Very corny.

1 Like

That’s funny… X

Bit tasteless but…
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them!!

What’s a no brainer?

Bumper sticker joke that reads… “Too much life will kill you” , and another one that reads… “Politics: The Problem, taking care of US”. These are my original jokes, if anything is original anymore, but they are bad and disrespectful so I don’t have any bumper stickers. I wouldn’t think they are funny if I saw them anyway, it’s just that they are my own creations, I think. Or maybe I stole them from the spirit world somehow.

1 Like

I know of a terrible joke, but I am not going to present it. So, here’s another one - “What did the Bhudist monk say to the hot dog vendor?” - "Make me one with everything."
And another - “Why do eskimos have refrigerators?” “To keep their food from freezing.”

4 Likes

And the vendor says… I just made your friend one with everything, so I think all you guys should pay me for that one.

1 Like

I don’t exactly adhere to this joke, but I like it because it is so perverse.

The chicken crossed the road because your dumb ass let him off on the wrong side and he was running late for the roast they where giving him that night.

1 Like

So here’s one. It’s a funny story but you should know it’s not mine. I got it out of a book but it’s definitely worth it.

So a guy buys a packet of biscuits and sits down next to another man, and starts eating his biscuits while waiting for the train. To his shock the other man reaches right over and takes one of his biscuits. He takes it like a man and doesn’t say anything. Neither does the other man. He takes another biscuit. The other man takes yet another. They sit there and stare at each other while eating the biscuits in angry silence. Finally the food is gone and the other man gets up, and leaves on a train. He is furious that this other man just sat down and started eating his food until he picks up his news paper, and his packet of biscuits is under it.

1 Like

A police officer called the lieutenant and said, I have a interesting case here, an old lady shot her husband for walking on a wet floor she just mopped.
The lieutenant said, that is interesting have you arrested her?
The officer replied, no the floor is still wet.

2 Likes

i like chicken :chicken: :ok_hand:

1 Like