Talk about abuse you been through ( Trigger Warning )

Hey. I’m in AA and the thing bugging me this evening is my mom. She’s dead now. I said in another post when I was a kid I hated it when she was drunk. But it was the abuse she went through. She told me was raped twice and wasn’t sure who my dad was. Through Ancestry DNA testing my sister and I have the same biological father, though I lied to my sister why I wanted to know. The man my mom was married to was definitely my sister’s biological father, and my biological father wasn’t one of the men who raped my mom. I told mother this before she died, who my biological dad was. What can I do? She was the one who decided not to have an abortion and brought me into this world.


In 1959 abortions were illegal, but my dad wanted my mom to have an illegal one. But one of the mods please warn me if I should talk about this.

That’s a tough position to be in. I’m sorry you don’t know your father. But maybe he’s not a good man and you’re better for not knowing him

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Thanks Pianogal. You’re probably right.

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What Pianogal said is true. That’s what my mom said about him. I know he went AWOL from the military and disappeared. Mother couldn’t get any military assistance, and had to get a job and work. My sister has his side of the family documented on Ancestry though. He mom a lot of child support.

The only thing I know for sure is my cousin had Sz/SzA to. My mom’s brother’s son. It looks like it comes from my mom’s side of the family. My dad supposedly had Sz, but I don’t know that for a fact. That came from my grandfather.

I went through abuse with my mom, but I know she wasn’t in her right mind. She never admitted she had a drinking problem or went to AA/got help.

My grandparents tried to adopt me and my sister, but my mom wouldn’t have anything to do with this. I remember one night she stormed out of the house with her bottle and burned rubber taking off in her car. One of my grandparents were going to call the cops, the other one said not to do this. She would get fired from her job if she was arrested.

Unfortunately, I’m just going to be alone in life because most people can’t deal with stuff like this. I end up pushing people away from me. People come and go just like most men mother dated. I’m not allowed to talk about what my solution is on this forum.

I’m just going to stop being gay and turn to spiritually. I’m too old now to be worried about sex. I had plenty when I was young thank you. I’m just going to tell people I’m asexual.

I added a trigger warning to your post title. Even bad things are worth exploring and many go through abuse.


Thanks rogueone.

Its too much for me to talk about it in details. My cousin sexually abused me and my brother at the same time when we were 5-6y.o. A few years later we felt sexual attraction, me and my brother, we did sexual stuff when we were 9-10y.o. as a result of the sexual abuse. Its really fkd up. It stopped when we were 11-12 y.o. We’re not even gay, we had girlfriends growing up after 12 y.o. but we have very instable sexual relationships/emotions.

Child sexual abuse increases schizophrenia and personality disorders risk. I developped schizophrenia and pretty sure that this brother has dependent personality disorder, he has emotional problems and he’s extremely dependent and extremely disorganized. My other brother who wasnt abused is 100% healthy/normal and is very successful in life and has very stable sexual relationships.

I feel that the damage has already been done. My affected brother was referred to a psychologist for sexual abuse by his school teacher but he just went once.


I told my parents but they didnt believe me saying it doesnt matter.

Thanks for sharing that Aziz. I’m another post I disclosed I was fondled by a strange man in the Men’s Room at Park Plaza Bowling Lanes. I was somewhere between the ages of 6 to 9. I really didn’t understand it, but figured it out later when I was older. It helps to know you’re not alone.

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Do you see a psychologist for sexual abuse? I wonder if it can help. I read that it does.

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They use PE (Prolonged Exposure) therapy for sexual abuse.

At the encouragement of others on this forum. I talked about it with my therapist today. I hadn’t really talked about it before.

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Two other men that I’m aware of that had this problem were very angry about it. I just felt bad when I was older and figured it out. I’ve never been angry about it. One of the other men is straight, the other gay. They both have disappeared.

The straight man asked me if a priest abused me. Back in the 1960’s there wasn’t much available for daycare. The daycare I had there was a priest and several nuns. The priest was a nice man, but one of the nuns cracked my hands with a ruler when I wouldn’t be quiet. That was all that happened. The priest didn’t abuse me. When I was 6 I started public school and wasn’t in daycare.

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I think its better to forget what happened. The more I think about it the more stressed and anxious I become and I get insomnia. It just pops up in my mind occasionally, its annoying but I can live with it.