I was abused sexually by my older cousin when I was 4-5y.o. I have problems with intimacy, trust, showing affection, feeling emotions etc Thinking about the abuse traumatizes and stresses me too much, I cry and cant sleep when I think about it as I can still feel and hear the abuser during that moment. Should I just forget what happened? I am too scared of seeing a psychologist.
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My parents say sexual abuse doesn’t cause problems and that I just need to forget it. I feel like they are lying to me. They dont believe in psychologists or psychiatrists. They think I am possessed by the devil and wanted to send me to Egypt to exorcise me. They also say I have problems because I dont pray. I told them I prayed for years and nothing changed, they say its because I lack faith. I feel like I hate them.
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hey @Aziz ,
You should try talking to a psychologist, yes. It’s a long road though, it may take years but it will help you move forward. Do you know a health center where there are psychologists in Canada?
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Hmm. . .
It Is Never Too Late To Find The Solution To Any Seriously Troubling Situation Or Memory.
I Once Said, You Can’t Bury A Memory.
I Also Said, Time Doesn’t Heal All Wound’s, It Jus Get’s Covered Up In All That You Do.
Now With The Puzzle Of Child Abuse, Not Being Able To Bury Those Memories, Or Memory Can Be Thought And Felt Emotionally As, Horrendous. How Does One Escape The Clutches Of Helpless Fears Of That Nightmare’s Antenna’s?. To Put It Bluntly, It Can’t Be Erased. But!, That Doesn’t Mean That It Is Time To Give Up!. Each Step You Take Can Be A Walk Within Grace.
And With Me Talking About Wounds Being Jus Covered Up. One Could Think Of Your Actions And Happy Thoughts, As, A Form Of Band Aids. A Certain Thing To Keep Within Thoughts Of Constructive Creativity To Let Those Wounds Lead To Dreams. All On Your Own.
With YOUR Insight. YOUR Love.
A Victim Doesn’t Have To Wear The Badge Of Victimization. Losing Sight Of The Reality.
Which Is, You Are Actually A Brave Explorer!.
So. It Is Never To Late To Begin Again. Hit The Reset Button And Walk Proudly Within Meekness. Aware That Each Sunrise Is Another Chance To Turn It All Around.
It Wasn’t Your Fault. And The Universe Has Quite The Ability To Listen To A Conversation About Anything. There Are Many Stars In The Night Sky. Which One Is Listening To You?.
Thank You For Reading My Post.
~P.s. Hope, Trust, True Love, Honesty, Joy, And Endlessly Eternal Peace!.~ 
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If you are not willing to see a psychologist then maybe you could study on the subject yourself. I’m sure there are tons of books on this subject that may be able to help you work through this issue on your own. That’s probably what I would do in your situation if I didn’t want to see a psychologist.
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Oh, I’m pretty sure they’re aware that there is no statute of limitations for child sexual abuse and that you can have your cousin put in prison, causing your family shame. That’s a thing in your culture, I believe.
My thoughts…
- Every child sexual abuser belongs in prison at the very least. I’d prefer a grave. It would be nice if you could follow through and remove his freedom.
- I’ll understand if you don’t. In my own case, my abuser was violent, perverted, and entirely too imaginative. I couldn’t and can’t ever bring myself to describe what was done to me in detail in front of strangers. I just can’t.
- Therapy is the reason I didn’t kill myself over it and that I’m as functional as I am. It’s not fast or easy or cheap. It’s still a good deal.
I’m sorry this happened to you and I feel for you.
(((hug)))
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My mom had this mindset, and told me that I should be strong and forget about it. I didn’t tell her about this because of her mindset. Now I have persistent trauma that my therapist said it would take 20 years to fix this.
My parents made me pray when I had hallucinations. It was agonizing and I wanted to escape, but they made me do it anyway. Faith is a personal journey and it should never be forced. I chose my own faith later in life.
Please, please do not stop seeking help. SZ/SZA often come from trauma…and the abusers forget about what they did to us. My teachers and my classmates are probably doing their own thing and living happily by now. It makes me sad because I was the one damaged but everyone just thinks I’m faking it or I’m just “overreacting”.
Do you have access to a therapist or a social worker?
I’m sorry that you have trauma also.
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A good therapist can help but like @Bowens said if you are unwilling to see a therapist there are lots of books and workbooks on the subject of child sexual abuse.
You can start taking some of that power back.
It’s never too late @Aziz
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I’m sorry that happened to you. I was also sexually abused. I think you should find a therapist. Give therapy time to start working. It doesn’t immediately cure someone when they first start. But it’s worth it.
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Its not too late, I think you should seek help. I just had physical abuse and the thoughts are still not faded.
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Healing from child abuse is a protracted process. The best thing is to look for a low stress environment, but don’t be too idle, because your problems can prey on your mind when you do that. If you want a therapist shop around. Different pdoc’s do better with different problems. For a while I thought I would need a female pdoc because I’m scared of intimacy with a man. Then I realized therapy from a female pdoc has its hazards too. Shop around for a pdoc you feel comfortable with.
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it’s never too late to work on it…
I’d think about seeing a psychologist maybe though… i think it’s hard to fight it by yourself.
sorry to hear you are struggling with it =(
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Never too late, I was 32 when I sought help for things that were still tangled in my head.
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My Syrian relatives also have said that. They are desperate to preserve peace in the family and don’t care if that means alienating the abuse victim. And, Like @shutterbug said, they don’t want the family shame. There’s a reason most of them don’t speak to me anymore, and it isn’t JUST the trans thing.
I got help when I was 25. I am SO GLAD I did. It is never too late to start recovering, but it might be incredibly hard to do when you still live with people who try to minimize your feelings about the abuse.
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I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s even harder when you don’t have family support. I want you to know there’s hope. At one point I was alone and desperately in pain suffering from PTSD from the abuse I suffered but now I’ve worked through the pain with counselors and on my own and I am at peace. You’ll get there if you go the journey. Get as much help as you can. The pain is sometimes unbearable. But with help and guidence you can find your way to peace. Good luck.
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When I was in rehab in Florida/had an amazing program and there were so many young men who had been through severe trauma, whether witnessing war or sexual abuse and violence. You’re not alone, I’m not sure if you’re a woman or man but I think maybe trauma could have led to your addiction issues, more-so than Abilify? I dont know for sure Abilify does help me a lot. It doesn’t make me feel impulsive and those side effects went away…but you would prob. really benefit from being in counseling…no reason to be scared, but processing trauma is a healing experience…it seems to have helped people.
I’m learning to allow myself to experience rage/anger and sadness/emotion. I prob. would benefit from a good psychologist too but I do have an addictions counselor and I’m doing group therapy. You could search online for a zoom group for therapy or maybe a private zoom chat. I think that would be best! That way you could talk to others and get peer support.
Peer support can be really helpful and save lives.
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@Aziz in the US, we have a hotline called RAINN that sexual abuse survivors can call to be set up with counseling services. I looked for one in Canada, and this was the best I could find
I’m not going to lie, a lot of sex abuse services are specifically set up to help women, but hopefully some of the stuff on that list will work for you.
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Well to be honest this obsession about my past all started when I reduced my night Risperdal from 4mg to 2mg. I know that I become hypersensitive when on low dose meds or when off meds. I think I am just trying to find an excuse, a cause and a cure for my sz. Psychiatrist said sz is 80% genetic and drugs, 20% stress. I also read that sexual abuse is not correlated with sz.
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I need to get back to 4mg at night. I get too emotional on low doses or when off meds.
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