I don’t have control of my thoughts right now. I think I’m going through a cycle because this seems very familiar to me. I have intrusive thoughts with a frequent dialogue that only makes me feel worse about myself. I get overcome with shame and then go through all kinds of websites on the internet, many over and over again, and try to find any ounce of relief that this is okay and I’m a good person. I hate that I always feel like everyone is judging me because I am constantly judging myself. I feel like I’m wearing a costume that everyone can see right through sometimes.
I feel like I’m under a microscope and that everything is out to get me, even though I keep to myself for the most part and don’t have very many friends. I know this is just paranoia, but the thoughts are still there and my anxiety still gets triggered thinking about the small possibility. Just putting my thoughts out there. I need to find a good support group of others like me.