Thinking of killing myself or thinking of my death are regular, almost daily actions for me. I know for many others too. I wonder why. I don’t even imagine the suicide as a scary action. I’m not seeking for advice, just wondering the mechanisms behind this.
Some people are convinced on the subject of reincarnation. I am one of these people. So sometimes those of us with this kind of thinking will know that they are going to be born again and they think about killing themselves. I don’t want to die, but some will think that.
The disease SZ is very painful mentally. If we could just stop the painful thinking by taking our lives, we wouldn’t have to think the painful thoughts any more. We are left to consider the momentary physical pain of suicide.
Not sure where the mystery is. People are suicidal when they have any kind of mental illness because it just sucks. And then with sz specifically sometimes people are suicidal for delusional reasons, like I remember someone on here telling me they were suicidal because they thought God wanted them in heaven.
My death wish was caused by my high and painful levels of anxiety though, not my psychotic symptoms.
I believe that people with mental illness become not only because “life sucks” and many times there are adverse circumstantances including the physical and emotional abuse we subjected to because of our fragility and vulnerability. I also believe that there is a chemical vulnerability or an electrical cross-currents in our brains that cause to become suicidal and preoccupied with death and dying. I know I have thought about this almost daily for as long as I can remember. When, I was in college, I got very desparate. I would call my parents at 2am and inform that I was going to kill myself. My parents said that I was “manipulating” them and hung on me. I guess this is one of the “emotional abuses” by my parents that I have had trouble getting over with. I WAS “NOT MANIPULATING” THEM! I WAS IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN. I DID WANT TO DIE; BUT FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON I WAS TO AFRAID TO ACT UPON THIS “WANT.” To this day, this hurts like HELL. However, there have been other “HURTS” that have superceded this one and instigated some anger in me. That is for another day. If you are thinking of committing suicide; PLEASE CONTACT SOMEONE WHO CARES ASAP!
Folks - while I empathize with people’s desire to talk about this - but this is not what we want our forums to be about.
My goal here is for these forums to be focused more on the positives and on recovery. I know its not easy sometimes - but its even more difficult if people are talking about suicide.
Suicide is a horrible option, that devastates the entire family and others around the person - even though that person may not realize it at the time.
Life is hard sometimes, no question about it. This is true for everyone at one time or another - thought it might not seem like that at the time. Keep working on improving your life - and things will eventually get better. And - there are a lot of other people working to make it better for you too - people like the volunteers and contributors at this site, and many researchers working on new treatments.