Stuck between a rock and a hard place

I’m in college and I missed a good amount of days due to being sick and being told by the school I have to quarantine. I’m behind on class work and I feel as though instructors have been brushing me off. The final is this Thursday and I am very very stressed. Since even before Christmas I noticed a gradual decline in my mental state. Becoming more depressed. Around this time of year it’s normal for me but not to this extent. I’m losing sleep and my appetite, I’m trying not to go backwards but as much as I try my thoughts slip into old patterns. I’m starting to feel worthless again and I’m experiencing strong self destructive impulses. I know that school is very much making things worse and that even if I get caught up and move on to the next class it’s not going to get much better. The stress and anxiety will stick and continue to build. I don’t know if I should just try to push through until spring where I’ll hopefully start feeling better or do I drop out for mental health reasons and give myself time to recuperate. If I drop out now I can’t come back until this time next year. Its a trade program with stacked classes. I’m stuck.

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A part of me is hoping I fail the final and then I don’t have to make a decision.

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Does your school have a counselor who can help you? Lots of schools do. If so, I’d see them asap.

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I second what @ZmaGal said.

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I don’t know what it’s worth, but in 2012/13 I was very much in a similar position.

Somehow I managed to finish the course

Couldn’t tell you how, but all I know is I got determined and pushed it through

Didn’t get the grades I should have, but I finished it…

Getting this sort of thing over the line is tough for a lot of people

Try not to get hit up about it all… Many people will also be suffering stress and anxiety through this sort of thing, as it’s natural to do so - especially with a test coming up

All I can say is that in retrospect, I am pleased that I pushed through, and looking back as I said I have no idea how I managed it.

If you gave it your best shot now, can you still re-take the class/course if you don’t get the grade you need?

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If I fail or drop I can’t take the class again until next year. I know that test anxiety is normal enough but this is different. It’s not a matter of simply being determined. If I gauge that I’ll be fine and decide to push through and I’m wrong I will become suicidal again. My symptoms will come back, delusions and hallucinations. I know myself well enough to know that. To know what will happen if I’m wrong about being able to keep going. So it worth pushing through if it means giving up the years of work I did to finally be in a good place?

And yet there’s no guarantee that I can’t do it. Maybe I would be able to push through. I don’t know.

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I’m gonna try to see them today

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I talked to my mother today hoping for something more clear but she basically said the same things that I’ve been thinking and that it’s a hard spot to be in.

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Up to you ultimately

Must caveat that after I graduated I was hospitalised for about a month…

If you try, and it doesn’t work, can you still retake the class?

I guess it also depends on how far into it you are. I had done 3/4 years so I figured to cross the line regardless of the impact on my health

If you can get the qualifications then you have that for life

Tough decision but you might be able to get some short term help from student services as I know some places you can get extra time in exams and even a computer!

Yes I can retake the class I’d just have to wait till next year

If that’s the case I’d fight for some reasonable adjustments for this test, and if you can get extra time etc, then you might be able to off-load some of the stress.

All else fails, wait a year. I personally would think in a months time you may regret not giving it a shot.

We’re only talking two days time for your test. It will be over very quickly and you can move on.

It’s up to you.

Trying to suss out what best to advise on what you have shared, and it sounds very similar to how I faced the courses I did a few years back

If I stop now (Fail or drop) I want to go back next year and keep going. It’s a two year program for powersports mechanics. I’m currently in my first year

It’s not just about the test though. It’s school in general. I’ve always struggled with school especially if I don’t really connect with anybody in school. I would take the test it would be over with and things might subside a little, but given a week it would be back to how I am now and it would continue to get worse. Which is why I’m so wary of just pushing through. I’ve tried that before in the past. I’ve told myself just gotta make it to next week and it ends with me getting worse

I know the feeling. When I did a 3 year course, I had made no lasting friendships whatsoever. Nobody likes people with Schizophrenia or Autism. Even though these campuses seem to promote equality, that’s not enough, and really should it be?

Are there student support services that can help? Or mental health? Sounds like you need to get some support mechanisms in place to try and mitigate these issues. Fully get where you’re coming from. It’s a difficult decision for sure.

Are you on any meds? Maybe if you are, some sort of adjustment may be needed.

I know how hard the expectations are to deal with education and work when you feel like crap all the time

Limping from week to week does achieve you reward in learning and working, but you have to enjoy the experience at the same time…

Wow!!! That sounds really interesting.

Anyways, I hope you find a way through this. It seems you have a level of intelligence from your written word that many people would envy! Don’t do yourself down.

If it’s next year, then it’s next year… Whatever you choose to do.

EDIT: I did an access to higher learning at a community college for a year at 23, and finished my degree at 26/27… It’s never too late to learn. Left high school with nothing

I set up an appointment with the counselor for tomorrow.

Not currently on any meds but I think I’m gonna get an appointment with my psychiatrist to be back on meds. That way if I fail or drop then they should be working this time next year. I had been on Zoloft and it really helped me get back on my feet. Haven’t taken it for a few years but until now I was doing good.

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That’s good. Maybe you can work out the best solution from that meeting…

College was a major stress trigger for me also. I was med free for about 4 years before I went to study, and my mind couldn’t take it.

Meds are the lesser of two evils. A means to an end. As long as you find ones that agree with you, they can be beneficial.

Don’t fail the final. Get an incomplete until you can do your best. Unless it’s different in trade school. Do whatever will be best for your future.

When I was in university I got a paper from my Dr to defer exams that I wasn’t ready to take. Sometimes the test was reported by more than a month so I had time to study. Anyways I got my major bachelor of science degree in Kinesiology but I can’t work at all now due to sz. I was on Abilify all the time back then.

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