Starting to get resentful

Well I hope this post doesn’t qualify me for some kind of list of unstable people but I’m starting to get frustrated with the world again. I don’t like taking medication and I need to. Also I don’t like the fact that I’m alone and I shouldn’t be. I’m angry at what this disease has done to my life. There are so many chumps out there that are breathing and living their lives and I’m stuck in my house recovering from my last psychotic break.
I can’t do anything anymore, I can’t workout, I can’t date, I can’t talk to people, I can’t enjoy anything, I can’t drink and I can’t so drugs to cope with my feelings. I’m like a ticking time bomb. I would never hurt anyone but I feel like killing myself again.
There isn’t enough therapy for a condition like this. There’s no amount of time spent with a doctor and there aren’t enough people to listen. The meds suck so bad I don’t know where to begin. I feel like Will Farrel in Zoolander when he screams, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills”!!! God damn this world!
Maybe the next life will be better. I sincerely feel for everyone on this site and I have no feelings for any normies outside of my family.

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First of all, What’s your support system? Do you have emergency numbers to call etc.

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Sometimes my best therapy is a hot cup of tea and a purring cat.

:blush:

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Yea @everhopeful. My immediate family all of whom are normal (to the point of being annoying)
Then there is my doctor(who I spoke to yesterday) and two therapists. I have pissed and moaned to my family for years. They’ve toughened up on me a bit and I’ve watched them accept the fact that I have a chronic illness, but I’m either sleeping, eating, or complaining to someone about my disease.
This site has recently become very helpful for me to vent, but man I just went downtown and everything is a reminder of how sick I am. Today I got a look at myself, like another perspective on what this illness has done to my life. I can’t believe that I’m handicapped. Some of it is the meds. But without them, I’m in the hospital. Reality is starting to take hold again after 15 years of denial.

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I just lost my dog @shutterbug but thanks you’re right.
Got a new puppy on the way next month. The problem is that I’m living at home with my parents, where I’ve been for the last 4 years or so. I have my own place but I can’t stay there anymore and it shows. I look like I’m being taken care of. I don’t do anything for myself because I can’t. I’m basically an adult child. I gave this enormous void that I cannot fill from missing out on things. I used to be incredibly independent and self sufficient. I remember what normal was like. It’s hard to believe that I’m sick.
My mind is healing but emotionally I’m completely empty and broken in spirit. Plus there’s no guarantee that my mind stays together.
Sorry about the rant. I drank a huge dunkin doughnuts coffee and I’m freaking out man. This is like a bad drug experience

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I just went downtown and everything is a reminder of how sick I am.

I know what you mean. I’m just back from a small trip in a car with a normie relative. And it too was a reminder of how sick I am. Probably because I haven’t been out for quite a while.

But you can get over these blips quite quickly.

Another thing that reminded me how sick I am was going into the park during the summer. So I just stopped going as it wasn’t helping.

Maybe avoid going downtown for a while, like I avoided the park.

If it ain’t helping, it ain’t helping.

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Yea man I’ve asked my doctor numerous times, what am I supposed to do with this? What are any of us supposed to do with this? A lot of us know right from wrong still. It’s a really hopeless condition.
I’ve got my brothers here. Both of them are big shot attorneys in their 20s. Of course I’m proud of them but it’s also embarrassing for me. I chose a different path(drugs) and I got smacked for it.
Dude I’m majorly negative right now, don’t mean to bring you down. It’s just that I feel injured. Fragile, vulnerable, flawed. And now I’m getting bitter too.

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I feel like that from time to time. If it’s any consolation, it does improve, but it takes years. It’s coming up to 3 years since my last hospitalisation now.

You pick up coping mechanisms as you recover. Bit by bit. Your confidence gets better too, as you become less worried about hospitalisation as time goes on.

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I hope so. Thanks, a little stability would be nice.
I’ve been in and out of hospitals for the last few years because I refused to take the meds. Hopefully one day soon their will be better ones that not only work better but aren’t unbareable to take.
Thanks for your advice

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I really believe such meds are just around the corner. Min-101 especially. It gives me something to hope for anyway.

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I feel the same way like our rights are taken away to we are forced to comply with a system because of our reality when its subjective really theres no text book definition, we are being abused by a system and no one gives a ■■■■ about the crazy ppls rights… ■■■■ normies

Reality is what we tell eachother it is one day if we became the majority they could end up in a padded cell

@MeghillaGorilla1, what’s the story on your receptor test?

I’m not sure I know what you mean @rhubot. Receptor test?

I must have you mixed up with someone else. Someone is having a test to see if their NMDA receptors are damaged - thought it was you. Sorry!

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