I'm sorry, and more

DX'd - Other
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Yesterday I made a thread (Which is deleted now) in which I may have caused people to be triggered. I’m truly sorry for what I said in the post and I apologize if it made anyone feel bad. It wasn’t my intention to cause any harm, really. There were four responses to that thread and I don’t know what they said or who said them, but thank you for replying.

I’m going to ask the same questions as I did in the last post, but in a more “humane” way. (As I’m in a bad state right now and need a bit of advice-if you don’t mind that is).

I’m feeling so depressed, badly, as in can’t do much, function-wise, at all. Can’t shake it off. Just lay there and partake in some self-destructive behaviors. Anti-depressants help me, totally, I mean high-functioning. But my doctor won’t prescribe me anti-depressants because I’ll feel too good. I think that’s madness! What can I do about this?

Also, I have no appetite. I haven’t eaten in two days and I’m not interested in eating in the future either. Is this part of the depression, or is it the meds? I’m on Geodon, Seroquel, Neurotin, and Depokote. (If that matters).

And again, I’m wondering if I should take these meds at all, I mean they don’t help my depression or anxiety, thoughts, or voices. I’m on a court order to take these meds, is there anyway around not taking them? Because I’m done, full stop.

My case manager rings my doorbell everyday and I ignore her. Should I let her in and tell her all of this? Because I’m afraid if I do, she’ll try to put me in the hospital. Do you think she would? I’m not sure.

And now… I hope no one finds this post offensive, and I’m sorry that I have so many questions.

Sorry about yesterday, please forgive me, I hope you will.

Thank you for any input!

Take care!

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It is clear that your med prescribers think you have more than just schizophrenia. Clearly, they think you have a mood disorder as well.

Presumably the reason they won’t allow antidepressants is because those meds throw you into a hypomanic or manic trip in which you not only feel great but also lack judgment.

Well, why the banana are you court ordered? Look at your past. I presume in the past you have been judged as either a danger to yourself or a danger to others.

As the song lyric goes, “You’re gonna have to trust someone sometime.” I advise you get your Case Worker in your door and find out who she might be. Where did she go to school and what did she study would be of interest to me if I were in your situation. More importantly, can you get a sense that she has your back?

Yeah, I hate the hospitals. I think someone decided long ago that it was cost effective to make mental hospital stays just that much uncomfortable for all involved.

Jayster

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I got taken off anti depressants by my psychiatrist she felt that I was on too much medication so she raised the dose of another medication and lowered another. She did this with the help of my case manager. I have schizoaffective disorder so I know a lot of how depression and mania feels.

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Thanks Jayster for your reply :smile:

It’s true, my doctor thinks I have schizoaffective disorder. I mean, I’ve been on anti-depressants before and sure I got manic sometimes, but I don’t believe it was the med doing that. I guess what I’m trying to prove to the doctor is to say “Look, I already have two suicide attempts this year, and right now I can barely function and in saying that, suicide now doesn’t seem like a bad idea”. I’m quite scared even myself, of what I could do if I get even lower. And how can I get even lower?

I like your expression “Why the banana…” hahaha :smiley:

Yes, when I first received my case manager, I asked all those questions like where she went to school, etc… She says she doesn’t want to see me in the hospital, but she has tried to do that before, so I’m not sure if I can trust her.

You got that right about the hospital though! I’ve been to one where the only thing to do was pace the halls or watch the tv set in the cafeteria. What a bummer.

Thanks Jayster,

Take care!

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Thanks for your reply,

Are you doing alright without your anti-depressant?

Take care!

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Yeah I’m doing okay without it. My mood has leveled out pretty much due to the latuda and invega.

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That’s so good to hear! I was on that combination before too, I’m glad it works for you.

Take care!

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The depression that won’t shake, the self- destructive behaviors you’ve mentioned, and especially the not eating… :triangular_flag_on_post: red flag.

I know you hate the idea of hospital. But it’s got to be better then this and the mounting trouble you’ll keep getting in if you don’t make an attempt towards your court order.

I understand your scared, but please answer the door to your case worker at least and start the healing process. It might not end in mandatory hospitalization. Please talk to you’re case worker, answer might surprise you.

I’m rooting for you.

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Thank you SurprisedJ,

I have an appointment with the doctor on the 4th, if he doesn’t want to treat this depression, I’m considering seeing someone else for meds. I’m also considering going in as a crisis walk in, because I don’t know if I can handle feeling like this for eight more days.

About my case manager… Yes, I feel she is violating my rights by showing up here everyday, but I guess I should open the door, I’ll let her know how things are and see if she can help. Not sure what she can do though, I’m actually not sure what her job does, just to check to see if I’m taking the meds?

The psychiatrist at the hospital won’t put me on anti-depressants either, so I should definitely avoid going there.

I’m going to see how I feel without the meds tonight, it might be them that’s bringing me down.

I really appreciate that your rooting for me, thank you :smile:

Take care!

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She might be under pressure from higher ups to make contact. So she herself might want to leave you in peace, but due to a court order, isn’t allowed to do that. Your court order might be her order as well.

I bet if you just make contact and open the door so she can get her job done too… she’ll probably be able to leave you alone after that.

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Yeah you’re very right about that, even before the court order she would show up. She likes to see me every week. I guess I should open the door before she sends a cop, or something silly.

Thanks,

Take care!

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you have to look after yourself, not eating is not going to help your moods.
get off your bed, get something nice to eat with protien, and go for a walk.
take your meds…you will feel better.
take care

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My case worker used to take me out to coffee. Who knows, maybe you’re caseworker will do the same. Nothing says you can’t have a little fun in the midst of your suffering.

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Thanks Darksith,
I’ll go get some food even though I’m not hungry. Maybe just a protein shake. I’ll consider taking the meds, but the walk will have to wait only because it’s raining.

Thanks!

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good on you, maybe put some music on to distract you.
take care

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Haha, good point! I’m always trying to get away from her, I should open up more. But not too much. Thanks Nick.

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Got the finest most obscure psychedelic music on. Om~~~

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