My parents have been pissing me off lately. They donāt seem to care about or understand my condition, they simply donāt care. It frustrates me so much I want to throw things. And they have high expectations for me even though they recognize I might have some limitations. I have serious limitations, my entire brain has been reorganized goddamnit. I feel like no one in my immediate family cares about me and I absolutely hate that. Even anonymous strangers on an online forum seem to give more of a ā ā ā ā about me than the people Iām supposed to love. Thats really messed up if you think about itā¦
Rrrrrghh Iām literally furious
I recently tried a more activating med and I think it might be making me angry I donāt know if you can tellā¦
Iām also pissed the health supplement I ordered on amazon didnāt come, Iāve spent 20+ dollars on this ā ā ā ā and it didnāt ā ā ā ā ā ā ā come! Now since I didnāt report it within 36hrs amazon wonāt do anything about it and Iām practically broke.
We Schizophrenics deal with so much ā ā ā ā and yet weāre so patient and put up with it its seriously unfair.
The new med combo I tried is making me angry, psychotic and unable to sleep and I feel like I absolutely just hate everyone.
But I have to consider that there are people around the world whose struggle is 100 times mine. That actually pisses me off even more and I canāt help wondering what gods plan was for these people?
Maybe when I get back to my normal meds this constant rage will neutralize a bit. In the meantime I just had to vent.
Sorry for the long angry post Iām just really out of itā¦I donāt know which section this belongs in, I wish there was a section called āpsychotic ventingā on this forum.
Maybe I should end with a question?
Please tell me from schizophrenic to schizophrenic, what makes you angry and why?
when iām really sedated and everybody else becomes way too hyper for me. feels like they ask 100 questions a minute and get upset that I didnāt answer them. Then write me off at catonic or placid whatever the ā ā ā ā they call it and say itās a sympton of the schizzle when itās the sedating medications
when really makes me angry is when my life sucks so bad
and an d and they same people who get upset over the medication side effects and pretend itās a symptom of my skizzle are the same people who force medications over my head
Iām upset at complete strangers calling me names and yelling at me from their cars. Theyāre beyond insensitive and can be cruel. Hate being put down I want to yell back at them that I donāt deserve to be treated like this. They make me feel depressed and not good for my self esteem or confidence.
Being Angry
Being asked "Why canāt you sleep?"
When my older sister introduces me then says "take everything he says with a grain of salt, heās Schizophrenic."
My Sisters in general, ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā
"Deep down everyoneās a little -insert the speakers attribute here-"
Repeating myself more than 3 times.
I need to vent to but I donāt wanna make a new topic. The ā ā ā ā ā ā ā police and ruling democracy in my hick home town which is a piss porr excuse for a city anyway, anyone that is involved in addiction or crime arer ā ā ā ā ā ā ā scum bags theres no lolaty or respect they all conspire amonst themselves when you donāt agree with their ways and try to get you but what you have to do is get them back. but be careful where it gets ya because I am going up on a 3 month bit in jail for dangerous posseision of a knife yelling at two people and slashing through somones window. I did all this to get my story heard in the newspaper so people know the living conditions of my town. now I have a tool that can allow me to convince and pursade those around me to do the proper thing. I made a mockery of everyone around me. a so āmurdererā and some of my friends decided to take all the craziness of this man being relased and turn around there minds and play them on MINE! but heres the thing once I do my time and with simple kicks and bows show everyone in there a proper way of self defense I will get out and have stuck on my mind exactly what I did in the begininning. do democratically what I believed right not only for myself but for the innocent young victims around me. I can see it now eh they are trying to get to me to pursade convince change me you see but you gotta stay yourself. can I say everyone has me on there mindā¦ ya I can because I exist and Iām a person. do they want to āgetā me or get something from me uh yaā¦ Iām a PERSON! take everything you knew about your mind and turn it into something intelligent and beaiutiful. myself I am making a mockery of every single fear device and telling society and those around me that I know what would defeat that. my beautiful minds eye view which was given something that only god can explain doctors cant they have there terminology and literally just the way us people are treated reflects our health think of it. you take that ever so suttle so silent intelligence inside there and you put it on paperā¦ then in your worldā¦ Iām not telling you to get a job. do what your HEART āoh so suttle intelligenceā tells you to do. right now Iām at war with some guys that are constantly robbing me and I heard a voice the other night from someone who sounded like an officer or my fatherā¦ a figure of trust and it said do whatever you feel necessary. and what I deemed necessary was to stop that fear, ya know everything you feel, and make it right.
what I can recoomend is getting ready for skill testing goals for your future. think of being away from our parents and travelling. perhaps surviing on your own for a month or maybe more if you decide. thatās what the schizophrenic mind needs it needs room. getting a realistic goal will automatically allow your mind to follow that. youll want to be ready for it. in the best way perhaps mentally. thatās what we have on our side weāre mentally readyā¦ and I donāt think one person here can say weāre not. weāve seen the worst thing a conscious can decide to create. face it.
The only thing they do for me is pay for the medications and psychiatrist, other than that they arenāt really aware I have any issues. Maybe its my fault because I donāt talk tothem about my symptoms, even if I did they would only be halfway listening. They have their own lives and concerns so they arenāt really keeping up on what is going on with me. If they knew they would just refer me to the psychiatristā¦but yeah, they have their own lives to worry about as long as I donāt have a gun to my head or something they donāt really care. So I wouldnāt call them ācaregiversā as such.
you have your own life and own concerns. you need to make the WORLD aware of your needs. your going to have to work for that along your way and earn respect. but what you need to do is MAKE the world AWARE. wear your heart on your sleeve. hey kid something I learned once is every man wears his story. if you honestly think everyone wants to see you fail. you need to SHOW THEM that WORLD āHi Iām so and so my parents think I have a gun I kill u if you smile wrong oh ok kk thx bai wus your name.ā because basically the things you do are going to decide who you are are if you feel trapped donāt worry about it kid we were all young once Iām 25 I probably donāt even have a very good grip on the world yet.
When you say āevery man wears his storyā I feel like I canāt understand your perspective. My story stopped unfolding when I developed schizophrenia. Unlike you I have the deficit schizo issues where I feel like I canāt get involved in life. Iām 20 btw and got sz when I was 19. All the stuff youāve described doing I feel like my schiizophrenia makesme take a backseat in life so I canāt really participate in life. I canāt have my voice be heard and that makes me very sad and hopeless.
After witnessing some of the stuff that has gone down around the U.S. I really sympathize with your struggle with the police in your town. Something needs to be done about law enforcement in this country soon or its going to get ugly.
yeah but things are sad when you first get the illness. thatās when your the illest. it gets better my friend what you have is an illness I have Iāve had it for about 9 years. and what I mean by every man wears his story is that once you figure out everything youll be stronger for having do so. find your ways to make your reality come out in everyones. donāt be invisible like these voices are treating you. let your spirit be lifted to where it should beā¦ or perhaps where you honestly see it. its seems like a sentenceā¦ and it is. but ultimately your young. man I thought I had it 10 times worse then everybody seriously dude it would probably take more like two hands to describe how many things were wrong with my brain. but there was always something there. a drive. a drive to survive. LOL know what I mean.
the thing you wear is your uniqueness my friend. theres no lie in that you have an illness thatās unknown that like 1 in 100 people get you are living proof of some of the questions on this planet other people ask.
and yeah well hey man you know my honest opinion on the law its as about as bad as the population. if you wanna know something you just taught me that people that sit back and put up with ā ā ā ā in there head all day have major decisions to make and know what it is. you donāt feel free where you are try jail or prison. thatās a faithful term to have in society. God nature enforcement. god put that fear into us to not do bad things and hey ā ā ā ā ā ā ā right its coming true baby. you just wait till I come back online 3 months from now and tell yas how someone really tried to kill me. or was that mental phycological point of view illiminated by a conscious questioning my faith. all I know is god still exist. its my freedom yes. but Iām going to learn from it.
I remember when I was 20 and 25, I didnāt care too much for my Father. Towards the end of his life, however, he became my generous friend.
My father really gave me the freedom to live my life the way I wanted to live it. In olden days, schizophrenia was supposed to be helped by vitamins, and my parents let me pursue that and other avenues for which they didnāt care.
I suppose that one opposite of anger is patience. I can wait, but Iām not particularly patient. But I have some patience.
My life as schizophrenic has involved long term limitation. Any long term limitation will teach either patience or bitterness. I supposed Iāve learned some of both.
I get angry when someone implies that I am sinning when it is really just sza. Donāt get me wrong, I do have my faults and sins no different than anyone else. But with sza these feelings and thoughts are SO EXAGGERATED until I go into full blown psychosis. I also get angry when people imply I am faking or I can do something about it. IāM DOING THE BEST I CAN. Sure iām not perfect and sometimes I try to extrude some sort of comfort or understanding from my family. I try to no longer look to my family (I believe they are too close to the illness) to get answers or comfort or understanding of my illness. Now I try to seek out Well Thinking professionals (not all professionals are well thinking on the subject of MI) for help. With some people it is like they poor Salt in the wound and I lash back.
yeah its sad eh the quality of life factor. Ive have sza for 9 years. I find it hard to go to my aunts place because of something similar to this. its a shitty quality of life when your family causes those emotions. you need to hold the good moments dear and try and try and realize who they are and what they mean to you. you know once your in heaven you want to be talking to themā¦ without all those emotions. I know bro trust me we all have sympotomsā¦ but we mise well sayā¦ weāre all human beings on the walk of life experiencing it and us as shchizophrneics just need to pick up our ā ā ā ā ā ā ā arses so our guts donāt fallout.
Sometimes I think my family doesnāt really understand, and may be able to put more effort into that. Like reading a book about it, asking me about things etc. I am sure they have worried about me, when I told them I had been psychotic for 8 months or so. We donāt like to speak about those kind of things in my family though. If we all pretend it isnāt there then it isnāt there - this is very important in my family, we solve problems by not talking about them. So I donāt really have any problems when I am with my family. And my familyās potential worries are similarly not there when I am with them. Hakuna matata.
