Sorry guys for

[Hadeda]

Going on like a stuck record but I just need support and to share. I’m really not in a good place right now…

Find myself thinking of hubby dead, that I’d finally be free and he won’t be there anymore to be hurt by me or beg me back. But I’m scared because I don’t want to kill him with my evil thoughts. I feel so guilty, like I’m a murderer, like how I killed his mother.

I love him so why would I want him to die? I am so guilty of … this evil.
What if the police arrest me?
Because I’m schizo and if he does pass on it will be my fault and I will have a history of Alien and homicidal ideation
I don’t want to be a killer
I just want to be free

[Jayster]

If you can’t control your thinking, then you can’t control your thinking.

But most people don’t believe that just wishing something makes it happen.

[crimby]

@Hadeda

What if the police arrest me?

The police don’t usually arrest people for thought crimes. If you’re afraid you might do or say something that would hurt your husband try to get away from him for a while. This might seem kind of strange, but maybe you both could go in together and rent a cheap apartment. That way if the bad thoughts get too strong you can get away from each other for a while. Just a thought.

[Ribbon]

Freedom is a powerful idea.

What would it be like to be free? What would be good about it, what would be bad about it? What would you gain and what would you lose?

Can you imagine a life in which you didn’t desire to be free? What would that look like. What would be different in that life compared to this one?

[Hadeda]

Freedom is when I can choose something without influence from others. When I can fully express myself and be independent. At the moment I’m codependent and not able to express myself fully as I have to accommodate hubby’s wishes and I feel like I’m a caregiver and hardly anything else

[vangoghs]

Have you considered taking some space, and considering your options?

That doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.