Sooo stressed

DX'd - Other
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trying to calm down after a mild-panic attack. My best-friend (she’s like my sister) is going through some tough and complicated crap but I can’t do anything to help. I can’t give her money, I just loaned her 500 last month and I’m on a very limited budget plus have bills from when I was in the hospital, and student loans and so on.

She can’t stay with us because we don’t have an extra bedroom and it wouldn’t just be her but her new boyfriend (about 80% of the problem) and her 10 year old son. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment…there just isn’t room…besides that’s not my call mom and dad pay the rent here and they said no.

I’m just so stressed and helpless now. I feel horrible I just can’t do anything. How can I get rid of this? What can I do when I know I can’t do anything?

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Try to do things you enjoy to get your mind off of whats stressing you out. Exercising, watching your favorite tv shows/movies, doing hobbies you enjoy, playing with your pets, etc are all examples of things that help me de-stress. A hot shower followed by a nap is REALLY helpful for me if I’m stressed.

Perhaps you could help her find a more financially stable boyfriend or a better job? If things go wrong for her, could she simply leave and move back in with her parents?

Try not the worry about things that you have no control over, otherwise you’ll be stressed and worried all the time.

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I wonder that myself but I don’t know each time she tells me what’s wrong a little more detail comes out. The first time she told me it was because his sons are friends with hers and she didn’t tell her mom from the start.

Then I find out he’s being harassed by their small town police wanting him to get them information on drug trafficking which he knows nothing about. Next she brings up another little fact about stuff she got involved in which none of this involves her relationship with her mother at this point.

Now I found out earlier that her rent is due Sunday and she wont have the money until Monday. I love my sister but sometimes it’s just when do I step away from it and say I can’t do this?

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I never help people with money, otherwise I find that they simply use me and it destroys the friendship. I’ve seen many examples of peoples spouses being irresponsible with money and trying to get their significant other to beg for them. These people generally cannot be helped and their relationship will eventually end due to the financial strain. By letting them borrow money, you simply enable them to stay in a bad relationship which they will be better off if it ends ASAP.

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It can be difficult to deny a friends request, but if they stop being friends with you simply because you wouldn’t let them borrow money, then they were never truly friends to begin with.

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My friend went back home today, she barely said a word on the nearly two hour drive to her home. She had asked my dad if her, her boyfriend, and son could live with us in our small two bedroom apartment and he told her no. When we got back to her place she talked to my dad about something, but would barely look at me…I hadn’t said much of anything. Last night I think she called me to tell me she wasn’t feel well because of stress, which stressed me out because I feel like I should be doing more to help her.

The problem is I can’t help her. I can’t help her financially, I barely can support myself with what I earn from disability let alone support her and her family. I don’t know what to tell her to make it better because there isn’t much I can do for her, I can’t pay for an apartment, she can’t live here…there just isn’t the room, I can’t help her with all the legal problems she seems to be on because I honestly don’t think she’s telling me everything. She’s making herself to look the victim in all of this, but I wonder if she caused more of it.It sucks I can’t fully trust her right now because of this.

When I look at the story and how small details either were changed or added onto as the story came out more and more making me question her honesty in it all. And it makes me feel bad. Some parts of the story doesn’t make that much since to me either, like it sounds like an okay lie, but I know something is wrong with it…I just can’t pin-point it.

I can’t just walk away, she’s practically my sister. I’ve known her since the third grade, (I’m 34 now, so that is a very long time) and she’s the only person (besides real family) that has stayed with me since the diagnosis, and all that. All I can think to say is she made her bed, now she has to lie in it. But I can’t tell her that because I don’t want her even more mad at me…when I have nothing to do with any of this. I think I was her last person to call for help and so I’m getting the brunt of her anger. Which isn’t fair to me or my parents.

My mom has woken up the past two days with nose bleeds and she’s never had nose-bleeds. Nose-bleeds scare me because my dad used to get them all time and they found out it was high blood pressure and mom already has type 2 diabetes, and chrones disease. High blood pressure can’t be good with all that. Now I’m all tensed because I’m tied between the three of them.

Fortunately she asked my dad if he’d pick her up again next weekend and he told her no. It’s to far away and we have an older car (about 10 years or so and it has a lot of miles on it drove to and from Missouri-Iowa, and Missouri-Chicago Illinois many times Plus even taken it up to Wisconsin once for a cousin’s wedding). The worst part is we have every day plans to do on the two days my dad has off, and this throws those plans all out of the way going up to pick her up and take her back home. Plus this weekend she barely spent any time with us, she stayed in the hotel room my dad paid for. If she’s going to ignore us she might as well stay where she’s at.

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sorry that’s a lot but I have a lot on my mind right now. I can’t really vent anywhere else because she’s on Facebook and I don’t know if she reads my blog or not…I’d rather not have her hear my truth thoughts because I don’t want her any more mad at me than what she is.

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It sounds to me like she’s playing you. Don’t let her take advantage of you emotionally. To be blunt, some people say “get a life”. I always reply that I already have a life, it just gets lost. So I hope you find yourself.

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My wife feels worthless. It is spilling over now on me now.

One of my millionaire sibling is here for a week’s vacation. I asked if there was anything I could do for this sibling, and she said she wanted two Friday newspapers.

Today, I gave her the newspapers, and the sister pushed a folded bill into my hand. I said it was not necessary, and she said she wanted me to have it.

It unfolded to a $20 bill.

Now my wife is merciless with me that I shouldn’t have taken it. “How could you do that?” is her attack on me.

I’m hurt now.

Jayster

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Don’t be too hard on yourself @Jayster. You’re a well respected part of this community, and your comments are always a welcome addition to any discussion.

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Maybe your sibling just thought it was a polite jester. It’s not like you asked for the money…[quote=“Jayster, post:9, topic:53556”]
I said it was not necessary,
[/quote]

I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself for just $20.00. Last month my friend asked for help and I gave her $500…only get at the most $650…a month. Now she’s acting like I’ve done nothing.

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Sorry if I’m whining too much about this, it’s been very stressful for me I had a panic attack last night, and I’m on the verge of one tonight. I’ve just been playing easy games online listening to “happy-pop” music to and fight the anxiety. That and venting it out seems to be keeping me from going full on panic.

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I understand, I was in a similar situation with my parents and brother. they got kicked out of my cousin’s house even though they were paying all the bills, cleaning and doing all the laundry. anyway he kicked them out so they asked me for a loan of 250 dollars I couldn’t do it I couldn’t afford it and I felt terrible but they found a place to stay for two weeks until they could find a place to rent.

I hope everything turns out okay for your friend. I know its hard.

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If she’s getting angry with you, avoid her. You’ve been nothing but kind of her. She sounds like a user to me. She should be grateful for the help that you have given her, not angry.

Don’t feel bad about turning her down. There’s social safety nets in place to help people like her. She will be fed and have a roof over her head if she gets in touch with the right government agency. If you or your parents pay taxes, than you’ve already done enough to support her through these social programs.

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@sohare1981
Sounds like she is a repeat offender. You said you had to help her out last month.

I had a very close niece that was like a sister who was that way. Family helped her by giving her and her child a free house - no rent nothing. She had to get utilities that’s it. And they paid three months of utilities so she could get a job. You would think she would be grateful.

Nope anytime dhs showed up to take her to interviews, she would sleep through and not go. After six months of everyone helping her and her not doing anything to help herself she knew help was running out. So she tried to turn the relative that gave her the free house into home authorities because for the yard not being kept up and water not on any longer because she couldn’t pay the bill.

Some people you just can’t help and they don’t appreciate - they are just a hand out waiting for others to do it for them.

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I hope you can get through this without her taking advantage of you again. She will have to learn that it is sink or swim out there. There’s no jumping into someone else’s boat.

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I would hate to live with the people whom I grew up with as “family”.
I would not tolerate it as an adult.

I would rather live in my car than live with them.

I have a place where I live for free but pay my own electricity , food etc.
I truly believe that I have done lots of beautiful and good work with my energy and whom i am and nothing can make me believe other wise in my opinion.
Yes my body does not work much nor is it or i good at working in person but there are thruths that can not be seen and beynd the body and person of who one is but who n all one is, ones energy in bodies and nature etc etc

I do not like lending money.
I think I usually would say no to it.
I understand it can feel uncomfortable when some one asks for money.

My x bf and best friend i had said he was home less and lived in a shelter for a while but I did not want inviter him to live with me that point in time.
I was hearing voices then and felt we would not be good to and for each other in the flesh and person so to say.
Doesnt mean I dont love n care for him.

One needs to care for one self also and what feels right for one self n what ones ok with.

It can damage a person to feel miss treated by a friend .

With children involved it could be more complicated with living arrangements.

Your Father stood his ground and said no yet seems to have been a support as he drove her for two hours.

I think one should be able to or learn how to say no to ones best friend.
If one are so close one should be able to have open and honest communications and understandings about these things so one knows where each other stands.

I guess the individual might know if the friend usually pays back money they loaned in some way or format.
Its their choice what they chose to do and how or if they can or want to help.

Helping some one get a job can be difficult.
Some people are not good at physical labour in the flesh even if they do their best.
Even if one did ave contacts…

A business deal could be done if it were for feed or cooking or so.

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@Jayster. Neither you nor your wife should feel bad. Your sister insisted on giving you the money, and you did the gracious thing by accepting (if you had refused you would have risked hurting your sister’s feelings).

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Today I’m just going to relax and try not and think about all this. I’ve been chilling watching the X-Files and doing some adult coloring in one of my mandala books.It seems to relax me.

Also knowing she’s back home she wont call and say if she wants to come over at any given moment. Though my body is extremely stiff/sore from the car ride yesterday.It’s starting to relax though, just trying to take my mind off it.

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Watch some funny youtube vids. I was feeling weird this morning not crying depressy but just uncared about. I went and watch a bunch of funny animal vids for a couple hours and feel better.

Where do you get the color books? I like coloring with my dd. nvm…googled it. Those are nice. found this site https://colormandala.com/