I need to be far, far away from here.
I need to move away, but I have no money and I will have to work full time and be stressed, exhausted and more depressed. Trying to make a decision.
I can’t be here with these people.
I am awake at 2am, because I’m so sad and in so much pain. It’s an unexplainable pain, I can’t describe it.
My head keeps playing music. People keep getting mad at me. I’ve been trying to be productive with ny time and do all the things I wantgk ddo but there’s not enough time in the day or I don’t have motivation. All these undone things stress me out all the time and I want to rip them out of my head. I’ve been trying to work out and lose weight. I biked for 90 minutes and weeded my moms garden for about 45 minutes, today. Now my body hurts.
I keep crying, because my sister just walked into my room, and I didn’t even know she was in my house. She just wanted some coffee.
My brother and her are going out to do something that they refuse to tell me.
My brother needs to stop borrowing my mask to do these ‘things’ it upsets me, because he jokes about robbing people all the time. I don’t know how to say no to him when he asks to borrow it. I’m afraid of offending him. I don’t want to live with these people, in this stupid town anymore. But I’m stuck, because I’m broke.
My mom needs to stop lecturing me about how I never do enough around her house, even though I haven’t lived there in years. She can’t expect me to get on my bike and ride 30 minutes across town to her house, every time she needs help cleaning or weeding her garden or something.
My sister is 16 and she wants to move out, because my mom is awful to her. She gets yelled at for simply looking at her wrong. She showed me bruises from mom hitting her with the broom for some reason, and she calls it a spanking even though it’s borderline abuse. She kept her up all night, last night mad at her for sleeping with a sweat shirt on and accusing her of being high. Then lectured her about how she has to sleep with earplugs in, for some reason. She also screamed at my little brother and thought he was on drugs too, for doing push-ups before bed, and said he’s acting insane.
She keeps telling me all about all the drama and problems with my older siblings and their problems.
This needs to stop. I can’t hear this. It hurts my brain and also my body and I feel like I’m dying. I have my own problems to deal with in my brain and can’t be burdened with everything else.
Sadly, this isn’t even the half of it and I am only stopping here because I realize this post is so unbelievably long, and I almost hope no one bothers to read it.
I just cant relax, can’t sleep and my head won’t stop and I’m no longer in control. Oh well…
I bothered to read it. Sorry if I can’t be more supportive than this, but can you distance yourself for a while? You definitely need a break from all that.
It’s OK.
I’m trying to figure it out, but so far I have nothing. Zero options.
I want to move to another province and start a new life from scratch, but I only have $20 to my name, at the moment.
I’m tempted to just be a homeless bum, for now. I think it would be invigorating.
I know the feeling.
Don’t become homeless, it’s a bottomless pit.
Can you look for communities where you can live and work for a while?
http://wwoofinternational.org/
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Very interesting.
I need someplace low-key to rest, sleep and be alone for a while.
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