Sometimes it's unreal

Unusual Beliefs
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Without going too much into politics I just wanna say the state of the US is not helping my ongoing feelings of unreality

This hyper anxiety frantic energy making me want to peel my skin off with a cheese grater has me wishing I could just get a speeding ticket or maybe I’ll buy another car or trade mine in but oh I don’t think I can.

I was in the gas station sober as usual but it felt like some video game. I heard someone talk loudly suddenly and was like oh that’s a side quest lol. I talked a lot to the cashier and made eye contact? Saw a cop car running outside and had to suppress some criminal impulses that would have been terrible if I had less insight

I wanted to go to the liquor store just to come down but Rick stopped me and hid my keys. I drove away frantically earlier yesterday from a PTSD episode over something he did more innocently and scream cried in my car sayit I don’t want to die what am I going to do as loudly as I could

Before he hid my keys I took another joy ride only my mood had completely flipped and I was hyper manic again. I drove 25 over laughing like a lunatic and hoping I’d get pulled over just for the ■■■■■■■ thrill of it. I wanted to laugh in the cops face yet accept the ticket lol and pay it off later. I knew the consequences. He might have even taken me to the er , which I wasn’t gonna have

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Sounds like that might be a good option at this point. How much have you been sleeping? The speed with which your thought patterns shift reminds me of when I go too long without proper sleep. It’s good that you still have enough insight to avoid the truly dangerous impulses. I know from experience that it is impossible to predict when that last bit of insight will abandon us. Being in the hospital when that happens could be a lot safer.

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I wasn’t sleeping great at first but then a few days ago I had a really awful migraine and ended up sleeping 16 hours. Last night I slept decent and got 7ish hours. I don’t usually have a ton of insomnia for long during manic episodes but then again my manic episodes are usually a bit shorter than this one has been

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Truthfully this seems like it’s getting very very dangerous how would you feel if you ended up running over a mother and toddler

I think it’s in your absolute best interest too go to the ER

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Rick took away my keys

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