Sometimes, I think about leaving


#21

I’ve actually looked into couple’s therapy. The cost of what I’ve read from reviews however seem to be a little more than we can afford for the current time. In that sense, I was looking to find a good friend that he is comfortable with that can maybe sit down with the both of us to be some sort of “mediator”, I suppose… I don’t know if he will go for it, however.

We had a serious talk the other night about everything, but I don’t know if it will stick. He doesn’t take what I go through with my diagnosis seriously and often claims I’m using Schizophrenia as an “excuse” to be “pissed off” and “bitchy” all the time. Truth is, I’m just struggling and I’m fearful of where it might eventually put me.

I’m not really sure how to get my point across firmly, but non-aggressively. He was raised as a spoiled only child that his mom did everything for him. Because of this, he tries so hard to compensate for his feelings of not having enough masculinity that he believes he should be the typical “man” that doesn’t cry, feel emotions, have serious conversations, or make changes. He believes that is what I am for.

How have you handled any of your relationships? Have you had good communication with any partners or did you ever have any relationships that struggled in that aspect?


#22

Yep he sounds a LOT like my dad, (except my dad does have an understanding for mental illness), who was raised in a southern household where his mom did everything in the house and his dad worked. Household chores are an insult to his masculinity. My mom counteracts this by finding chores for him he considers “manly” like cleaning the garage or trimming bushes/trees, whatever. Find some “manly” chores for your husband too, ha!

Anyways aside from that it seems to me now the biggest issue you need to tackle is getting him to understand your schizophrenia and how it affects you. From what you have told me, sadly he seems to fit into the group of people who are ignorant to the debilitations of mental illness. Have you ever talked with him in depth about your experiences and struggles with the disease? Have you ever considered having him meet with your doctor or therapist to discuss your condition? A relationship needs to be built on mutual understanding, and right now you’re lacking that. He may not be able to fully understand what you’re going through illness-wise, but he should understand the Herculean effort you make every day to maintain the house, kids and the sz.

Having a good friend act as mediator could work really well, if you can’t afford couple’s therapy. It depends on the friend I suppose. Just make sure they know what they’re getting themselves into! Also I’m not sure if pdocs or regular therapists would let your husband sit in on a session with you, just to listen, but it might be another option as well.

My relationships have all been short. The first two I had before I was conscious that anything was wrong with me, and we were kids so there wasn’t really much discussion anyhow. My most recent past relationship however definitely had communication issues. He was great for sitting down and having serious conversations with if I ever had any concerns, but I was too scared to let him know anything about my psychosis. This was a big problem because past elements of my psychosis has made sexual aspects of a relationship very difficult for me, and he did not understand this because I never told him, and I was very vague whenever he’d ask why I’d seem scared or upset during sexual acts, never initiated, etc. That’s why it’s important to make sure your partner knows what you’ve experienced, and the extent of it. Otherwise they’ll just be confused and frustrated, like your husband is and my boyfriend (now ex) was.